Did you know that in the time that took you just to read this title, already 2 people have died? Their souls have vanished, gone from the face of the earth forever. Their bodies might remain, but just temporarily until it decays to form one with the earth. Each day, there are over 150, 000 deaths.
I personally know a few people who have passed away. And I also know some who will, very soon. And even scarier, I know there are some who will die all of a sudden without warning. But the worst of it all? It’s that there are many seemingly living people who are really…dead.
I’m sorry for sharing these horrible facts. But they are the sobering truth, after all. What puts me in this somber mood? Well, I have been reading my previous diaries…And they sure weren’t pretty. I was one of those dead-living people. Let me just share one particular entry with you:
August 28, 2007
I worry too much. I worry all the time, constantly, unceasingly; little nagging and panicked voices buzzing and whining in my head. I don’t get a break. Ever. Not when I’m driving. Not when I’m walking to classes, not when I’m grocery shopping, not even when I sleep, where I’ll be worrying about the disturbing images I see.
Sometimes, I wake up feeling terrified, depressed, frightened, or angry, and I don’t know why. I’ve forgotten what dreams I’d had that weighs me with such undesirable emotions. But the residue of oppressive feeling and thoughts remains like a bad stain from a bloody murder.
I know I’m incredibly unhappy. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate everything I’m so obsessed about. That’s exactly it. An obsession. A horrid, life-wrecking, lonely, indelible and distasteful obsession.
Why can’t I let it go? My soul…I can feel it rotting away more and more each day. I can practically see myself turning into something inhumane with every single ticking second…
I wish…everyone will leave me alone.
I wish…I can just be left alone to do whatever the hell I want
I wish…I can commit suicide without the consequences of my family, friends, and afterlife.
I wish…I can stop…just stop…STOP!!!
I couldn’t help crying when I read this. Who the hell is this person? I can barely recognize myself, that bitter, angry, severely unhappy girl who just didn’t want to live. Who gave up on living. Who saw nothing good in herself or life.
So I tried to kill myself, but in subtle ways. I shunned other people, killing my social life. I drove recklessly, unconsciously hoping I would just crash and be granted an instant death. I binged, purged, and starved, feeling the energy and health suck out of me day by day. I was a zombie, feeling so hollow and empty inside.
What made me snap out of this? I can’t pinpoint the exact time and location, but I know I slowly revived as I realized how precious my life is. There are people dying each day, fighting for their lives, while I ungratefully puttered mine out like it was a toy train. I witnessed the death of my grandfather, who tried so hard to stay alive. I witnessed the pain and suffering of various people, struggling so hard to be healed. And I also realized I was loved…I was worthy enough to be loved!
To have a life…that is in itself a huge blessing, a reason to give thanks for. God only gave me one life after all, a unique and individual life that is no one else’s but mine. I will one day join that 150, 000 people, but before then, I truly intend to use it well. And I hope you do, too.
Okay, pretty heavy stuff for a food blog. But I just had this strong desire to share today’s little insight with you. And besides, today’s lunch was pretty bloody…as in, bloody red and bloody good!
Anyone ever tried bulgur before? Today was the first time I experimented with it, and despite a few doubts, I actually really, really liked it!
Bulgur Pilaf in Chipotle-Kabocha
( I was gonna use the word “blood” but decided it sounds kinda unappealing…hee)
- 1/4 cup mashed kabocha (or any winter squash would do)
- 1 chipotle chili with adobo sauce
- 1/2 cup chicken broth
- 2 tablespoons fresh-squeezed orange juice
- 1 clove garlic, minced
- 1/2 cup dry bulgur
- 1 cup chicken broth
- 4 strips grilled chicken, shredded
- handful grape tomatoes, sliced
- 1 stalk green onion, chopped
- 1/4 cup cheddar cheese, plus more for topping
- salt and pepper
For the sauce, just heat up everything together in a small saucepan, then blend it up into a puree.
For the pilaf, cook the bulgur in the chicken broth until triple in size and cooked through. Toss in the rest of the ingredients, mix well, turn off heat.
Lay the sauce in a pool on a plate. Stuff the bulgur-pilaf into a small bowl, then flip it over onto the center of the sauce. Top with a bit more of the cheese. Enjoy!
Now doesn’t that look impressive!
I really loved the texture of the bulgur: chewy, sort of crunchy, and nutty!
Gotta have cheese!
The hot bulgur sort of cooked up the tomatoes, so there was extra flavor which melded with the shredded chicken…
Love the sauce! Spicy and sweet and flavorful…It went so well with the pilaf!
Don’t you love the green spoon? I saved it from my trip to Yogurt Land🙂
Each bite was so precious, I didn’t want it to end!
Well that was one heck of a post xp. Next time I’ll try to lighten it up!
Question of the day: Let’s at least keep the question fun and light. What is your favorite grain?
P.S. Did you know you can rate each other’s comment? You’re welcome to! It’d be great if there were some interaction in the comment thread! But one rule: No rating “thumbs down”…unless that the commenter is anonymously cursing someone out.
P.P.S. Yo, are you stalking me on twitter yet?