Blown Away. But Still Here.

I am. Blown. Away. By all your sincere and empathetic responses to my last post. To be honest, my finger quivered a bit before I hit the “publish” button. I don’t know what I was nervous about: Exposing an image of myself when I was soulless? Sounding too evangelical? Being potentially triggering?

But now, I’m glad I did it. It’s not just about exposing the frightening, soul-sucking side of an eating disorder. It’s not just about showing the depths to which I’ve sunk. It’s a heartfelt, passionate declaration against all the evil forces that binds and oppresses so many people out there: You. Don’t. Own. Me. Not anymore, not ever.

We all have our demons. Mine just happened to take a more physical form. But it pains me, to see so many loved ones around me, right within my own social circle, who struggle so much, each with their own obsessions and oppressions.

In fact, only just recently, two close friends of mine confessed to me about having suicidal thoughts. It scares me, the way they talk about themselves…with such disgust and self-contempt. It reminds me…frighteningly of me. It angers me, that a force beyond their own control can twist their thoughts and perceptions so much as to leech out every ounce of hope and joy in them.

Self-love. I’ve heard people say, it all starts with self-love. That you have to love yourself, before others can love you, too.

I don’t believe that. I believe that in order to be able to love yourself, you need to first receive and accept love from others. You might think, or say to yourself, Oh, but nobody can possibly love me…But you’re wrong. Somebody does love you. There is always someone, out there, who loves and thinks about you.

Stop trying to rationalize love. Love is irrational. You can’t possibly love anyone if you start being rational, because nobody is lovable. Everyone is flawed. But that’s what makes love so freaking beautiful. Because it overlooks all weaknesses and mistakes. It simply is. Because love comes from one source only, and that is God.

That is why I say I could never have come this far without Him. His direct love, and the love He showed through my family and friends, has enabled me to start loving myself, and treating myself the way I should—as someone precious, someone unique, someone worth loving.

If you cannot tell already, I am in a very good mood. I’m 4 hours early and sitting in style at the KAL Lounge:
The best thing about business class…is definitely the lounge. Lovely, peaceful, quiet place to just kick back and enjoy.
And it has INTERNET and FREE FOOD! Always the biggest plus for me! (Well, technically, you pay like double the air ticket for this kind of service, but hey, my dad’s mileage paid for this, so it is doubly free for me!)
So I’m about to slip off my shoes, stretch out, and enjoy this whole plate here:
I deserve it. I am just so relieved that everything is over. I finished a whole year of college without any mishaps (kind of). And I’ve got a hell of a trip waiting for me.

Now, I’ve already extended an invitation to join me in a feast around Asia. I guess I should let you know that I probably won’t be cooking for a long time. I should also let you know that I made this dish awhile ago. A seemingly long time ago, when I was still stuck between final exams and essays.

But I recall every taste and texture of it.

Kabocha Crepe with Creamy Edamame Filling

Kabocha Crepe:

• 1/2 cup flour
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1/3 cup cooked kabocha, mashed
• 1/3 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon oil

Edamame filling:

• 1 cup cooked edamame
• 1 avocado
• 4 tablespoon cream cheese
• squeeze of lime juice (or lemon)
• salt and pepper
• 1/2 apple, thinly sliced

To make the crepe, just blend all the crepe ingredients together. Let it sit for about 30 minutes or so. Then heat up pan with about a teaspoon oil or butter. Ladle in crepe batter and thin it out. Cook on one side; flip, cook the other.

For the edamame filling, blend everything together except for the apple.

Assemble the crepe: stuff each crepe with as much edamame filling as you want, and add the sliced apples.

 

Ooh. Looking classy. Delicate and simple.
I’m not sure I can say this is so much a crepe than a very thin pancake…it didn’t thin out as much as I wanted it to, but then, it does have that dense kabocha in it. The texture was nice, though—sort of chewy, with a delicate kabocha flavor.
The color was lovely, too. A gorgeous pastel orange.
I made this random edamame filling because of Operation Flush-the-Pantry. I just had to use up the last of my bag of frozen edamame, an overripe avocado, and the last of my cream cheese.
 It actually worked well in this crepe. Edamame has a naturally sweet and mild flavor, and together with the creamy smooth avocado, made for both a pleasant, light flavor and texture.
I had some of that edamame filling left, which I later stuffed it into a wrap, with a Granny Smith apple and the goat’s brie I got from Papa Cristo’s, and then grilled:
LOVE! Is anything more delightful than hot, melted brie?
You can pretty much use this edamame filling for anything, other than sandwich filling or spread. Maybe as a dip…or stuffed into a chicken breast…or baked on top of salmon…
But I like sandwiches and wraps. And I had to have my fill, since I don’t think I’ll be eating much sandwiches and wraps this summer, either.

By the way, Operation Flush-the-Pantry was a failure. I simply couldn’t finish everything! I almost wept as I threw out a few frozen bagels, a stick of butter, some frozen meat products, etc. Oh, and half a block of cheese.

Honestly, by the end of the week, I was slathering mayonnaise on toasted bagels, eating a pound of brussel sprouts in one sitting, and having two roasted kabochas for a “snack”. I did the best I could. At least I learned that more isn’t always better.

So. I guess I was just popping by to share this last dish, and to tell you that I was blown away by your kindness. I’m still here right now, but in 4 hours time, I’ll really be blown away.

See you in Korea (or Singapore)!

Question of the day: Tell me, quick— Who loves you?

And another fun question: Let’s say you’re Dorothy in Wizard of Oz, and you get a chance to be blown away, anywhere. Where would you want to go?

Final Reminder!!

I have moved to Burpandslurp.com!!

Just a final reminder before I close down this site. WordPress has been nice, but it’s time for this blog to become “real”. Not sure what it means. It just sounded cool. Tee hee.

See you at the other side! 😀

Invitation

Dear Faithful Readers:

You are cordially invited to Sophia Lee’s new blog: burpandslurp.com…

Thank you so much for sticking with B&S and watching its progress. It has now outgrown this rental territory, and has finally decided to settle at its own domain.

Please make the necessary changes and make the move with me! 🙂

Thanks!

Sophia.

 

A Diarrhea of Pictures

I really shouldn’t be posting. I should be working on my new domain, but I can’t help it. It’s driving me insane and right now, and I just need the comfort of sticking to something that is basic and straightforward. Besides, I have tons and tons of pictures. So brace yourself. This post is gonna be a picture-diarrhea.

I usually only take pictures of food, but recently I’ve been taking more pictures of people, and less of food. I just haven’t been eating anything too interesting, since my parents are basically kimchi-and-rice people, and I don’t want to fill the fridge with “my” food (i.e: cheese) when I’ll be leaving in about 2 weeks.

Thus, I’ve found a more interesting model…My cousin! She flew in to Virginia to visit for the holidays, since otherwise she would be all alone in San Francisco…Say hi to Clara!
Isn’t she cute? She’s 2 years younger than me, the same age as my brother.
And yeah, we look nothing alike. 😉

Today, I took her to Washington D.C to take some pictures. My brother was our chauffeur, and his best friend, Chulhan, tagged along so my brother wouldn’t be the only male.

We basically stuck to a few tourist spots, just so Clara could brag to her friends that she visited the nation’s capitol. We went to the Washington Monument:
Clara and I:
My brother and Chulhan:
We also went to the World War II Memorial:
Hey, California!
I want to go back to the warm sunny weather…What can I say? I’m a wimp when it comes to cold weathers!

My brother makes the sketchiest expressions…
Clara makes the cutest expressions…
And I just look so damn cool whatever expression or poses I make! 😉
I bitch about how boring DC is, but I had no idea how beautiful and well-kept it can be…even in the winter with bald trees!
God was definitely on our side today. The weather was actually perfect!
Final stop was the Lincoln Memorial:
Hi, Lincoln, old fella! Watcha up to?
Poor Lincoln, sitting there all day watching idiots like me taking pictures of him looking at me…
And then we stopped by for Starbucks. I’ve been deprived of coffee in my parents’ house, so my first real-brewed coffee (not the instant crap) in several days tasted like liquid crack to me!
Oh, Starbucks God, I worship thee! (Please don’t report me for heresy)
I’ve also been baking up a storm! C & H Sugar generously provided me with a $20 gift certificate to pay for baking supplies to bake from their recipe collection. Check out their ample selection here…It took me several hours to read through each recipe, and I finally decided on four. I made the first two yesterday.

First, Crunchy Granola!
Easiest recipe ever…just mix ingredients together, and bake!
 Oats, maple syrup, walnuts, coconut, sunflower seeds, C & H brown sugar, vegetable oil, cinnamon…The only changes I made was I used half-honey half-maple syrup, and added almonds and ground ginger. Bake for 45 minutes…
And the BEST granola ever. Honestly. It was superb. I let my dad sample some, and he demanded I make another batch for him. Yes, demanded. This is hot stuff!
All packaged and ready to send to some special people…:-)

I also baked their Cinnamon Apple Coffee Cake:
The only difference I made was that I used butter instead of oil, and I made it in four layers rather than three.
The result? Utter bliss. This was chock-full of apples! And sooo rich and moist…Amazing!
Even my cousin, who insists that she “hates” cinnamon, couldn’t stop eating it.
Can you see the four alternating layers of apples, cinnamon-sugar, and rich cake? Yumm…

Already, both recipes I’ve tested turned out hugely successful. I can’t wait to try out the other two recipes I have in mind from C & H Sugar’s recipe collection! Thanks, C & H!

In addition to those two goodies, I also tried my own savory version of nuts:

Zesty Nuts

• 1 stick butter
• 4 cups whole walnuts
• 4 cups peanuts
• 1 cup sesame seeds
• grated Parmesan (the one that comes in a can)
• dried Italian herb mix
• Paprika
• Worcestershire sauce
• Tabasco sauce
• salt and pepper

Directions: Melt butter over stove-top. Stir in walnuts, peanuts, and sesame seeds. Mix in the spices and seasonings, according to taste. Spread into a baking sheet, and bake at 350 degrees in the oven until nice and crunchy.

I actually thought it was pretty good…It has a distinct, savory flavor, with a buttery, yet crunchy texture. My parents, however, thought it needed some honey. They like their nuts caramelized and sweet.
Here’s the zesty nuts, packaged:
I used Martha Stewart’s gift bags. Not sure I like the woman, but she does have a great sense of style.

I’ve also been writing my hand off in cards!

Ah, winter holidays. I actually really enjoy doing all these stuff, but thank goodness it’s only once a year, because otherwise, my expression would probably look like this:

Hahahaha! Just had to share it, because it cracks me up every time I look at it!

I’ve got to jet now, but I forgot to say the most important thing ever…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Question of the day: What are you baking/making for the holidays?

I Am My Poison

I feel…like I’ve had a big weight lifted off my chest. I feel so light and relieved inside, I’m almost convinced that if I were to jump, I would leap 800 feet into the air!

Remember the little bullahoo over the friend whom I thought betrayed me? Well, I met up with her for lunch today, and it’s all over. No, not our friendship, but the misunderstanding and anger I’ve held against her. We had a good, casual talk, and I got to hear her point of the story…and boy, do I feel so much better!

No, I still don’t entirely understand why she had to lie to me, nor do I understand why she had to do what she did. But you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m just so relieved that we got a chance to bring everything to the table, face-to-face. We had an honest discussion, in which I expressed all my hurts and anger, and she responded by answering them honestly and sincerely.

And now…I’ve realized that I had overreacted. I had jumped into conclusions, and more misunderstandings arose because of that. I’ve also had a chance to think back more rationally about the past long friendship we had…all the ups and downs we’d endured together, and I’ve realized that there is no freaking way I want to lose our friendship just because of a petty grievance. In the light of our entire friendship, I would be a fool to let such a trivial matter break us up.

Honestly, my anger and confusion towards her have been crushing and stifling me these past few weeks. How ironical that I named the title of that angry post about her “Poisoned.” In truth, it was my own self-righteous anger and pride that was poisoning me. And even if I don’t completely understand…I’ve decided that I really need to let loose of this anger, because it is nothing but poison—not only for our old friendship, but to my own soul, my own peace of mind.

Thus I’ve let it go. And I feel…so freaking FREE! 😀

I wonder if the contentment from good food helped. It sure didn’t hurt that we chose a restaurant that was favorable to both the wallet and the taste bud!

We (my friend, my brother and I) went to a local Thai restaurant called Born:
It is a small place next to an Americanized Chinese restaurant and a shady market, but the interior was pleasantly modern and clean.

I loved how each table was adorned with a single real rose:
The prices were amazingly cheap, too!
 $4.99 for a lunch entree! That’s even better than McDonald’s! We ordered a lot of dishes to share.

First up was Chicken satay:
 Skewers grill of spices marinated chicken served with cucumber relish & peanut-lemon-basil dipping
  These chicken was definitely fresh-grilled, you could taste that smoky grilled char on the surface. The spices were lovely; not too strong, but with definite oomph.
However, the peanut dressing was a little on the sweet side. I guess some people like that, but I’d rather have a spicier and more savory dressing.
 We also ordered a plate of Crispy Veggies Spring Roll:
 Fried spring rolls stuffed with taro, carrot, cabbage & bean thread served with sweet chili dipping
 Yum! I loved the toasted sesame seeds on top, and the spring rolls came freshly fried, so the exterior was delightfully crunchy!
I was surprised how fresh the vegetables inside tasted, considering that they’ve been deep-fried.

For our entrees, I ordered the drunken noodles with chicken:

Chicken sautéed with a spicy chili basil sauce, tomato onion & flat rice noodle
 I forgot to ask for “as spicy as possible”, but this turned out to be plenty spicy! AWESOME! I hate it when restaurants Americanize dishes and the “spicy” dish turns out to be mellow, with just an extra sprinkle of black pepper.

Not sure I understand what these curly carrot garnish is for, but they were pretty!
My friend ordered the same thing, but fried rice-style:
 Rice fried with spicy chili basil sauce, with shrimp
My brother, upon my request, ordered the Crispy Noodle Cake with Seafood:
 Bangkok’s night market style of light yellow bean-garlic gravy & broccoli over crispy egg noodle tossed with white pepper
Oh em gii! I loved this. The noodles are crispy like uncooked ramen noodles, but turn springy and soft from that flavorful gravy…And it was quite a flavorful and rich gravy!
And again, what’s up with the carrot garnish?
The portions were quite small. At least, they were for three hungry Asians, so we ordered another plate of drunken fried-rice… And we were surprised with this!
A full dinner plate of drunken fried-rice!
With mussels too!
That was incredibly nice of the chef to prepare a whole dinner plate with the works for us! Maybe it was my camera? Either way, I’m definitely returning to this place! >.<

Unfortunately, we had to pay for tea:
But it was good tea, and the server refilled it about 5 times, so I think we got our money’s worth. 😉

You know, I’ve come to realize that most of the time, I am my own inflictor. It was true with this certain relationship conflict, it was true for my dilemma on returning home, and it was certainly true for my own eating disorder that had ravaged me for 4 years.

There will always be problems in my life, and there will always be things that simply irritate or bother me…but it is up to me to ultimately face it with a positive mindset, and deal with it the healthy way. For me, that is to view things in the perspective of Christ, and to pray and ask God for detailed guidance, power and strength to overcome them. Otherwise, if I just keep it inside of me and let it fester, it will become a deadly poison, leeching off my inner peace and  happiness.

Sigh. There are so many things I need to change, and as the new year commences, I’ve been reflecting on these more than usual. I’ll share them soon, but let me organize them in my head first. 🙂

Question of the day: What kind of self-infliction do you usually bring upon yourself? How do you resolve that?

 

Weathered Down

I’m back home! And I’m pretty weathered down. Literally, and figuratively. I was stuck in the middle seat of an overnight and over-packed flight back home, and I did not get a wink of sleep. I reached the Dulles airport at 6:30 am in the morning, and as soon as I got home, I crashed and slept till 4:30 in the afternoon.

Needless to say, my sleeping schedule is all messed up. Usually, I can easily fix it with some exercise and change in my eating patterns, but guess what hit the east coast…

 Snow…
…and more snow…
In fact, it’s snowing even harder right now as I type.

Oh, pretty white snow…You cover the earth with your gleaming crystals, pure and beautiful…

NOT!!!

Damn you, damn you, damn you, you irritating speckled fluff! I’m going crrraaazy stuck here at home! And to think Los Angeles is a balmy 70 degrees right now! Needless to say, I’ve been really restless. I’ve been strutting around the house poking my nose into my parents’ business. I think even my parents are wishing I’m in L.A. right now. >.<

Okay, fine. Being cooped up at home with nothing to do and nothing to eat isn’t the worst thing in the world. At least I’m home. I’m not basking under the SoCal sun, but I’m basking under my parents’ love.
That’s my dad, preparing for Sunday’s sermon…

And my mom, nagging at me to wash my face:
Here’s a couple of wonderful people who never tires of listening to me talk about me. Hee hee. Look, they even cleaned up my room:
But they neglected to burn this pillow:
Still, my restlessness was going to stifle me. So my dad proposed an adventure: Let’s go driving in this horrid snowstorm! What a marvelous idea!

We decided to drive to the local Korean supermarket to stock up on some groceries. Now, I was definitely perking up!
That’s me, perking up. Sort of.

Well, I got to wear the new  hat my mom bought me from Korea. Fluffy and pink. Not really my style, but it’s cute! 🙂
And somehow, even though we inched in the pace of a roller-skating granny, we made  it to our destination!
 Super H Mart. Love this place. I missed it!

I got my mom to stand still for a picture:
And then we went in and bought about 10 lbs of sweet potatoes. And some other stuff. I forgot.

So. While I bemoan my plight here, I’m sure many east coasters are telling me to shush up. Lord knows how much worse it is north! Brrr…

Okay. Think happy, warm thoughts…Well, there’s good food. And good friends. And warm weather. Ah yes, I believe I still have yet to share my last lunch with Mimi before we parted ways. We were supposed to meet with Kathryn for sushi, but the poor girl got hailed with a terrible stomachache, so Mimi and I settled for the international food court at our University Village.

We decided on Thai. I got the BBQ pork noodles:
With the soup on the side:
Yum, MSG! It was chock-full of MSG. You could even see the MSG particles in it. I lapped it up. Delicious!

And Mimi got the Pad Sew Iw again:
Unfortunately this time her dish was a bit on the dry side. Bad for her, good for me, since I took the leftovers home. 😉
Mine was just mediocre, too, but because it reminded me of a Singaporean dish so much, I could not help finishing it:
 And the hot sauce makes it so much better…
I did, however, love the bean sprouts hidden underneath:
Correct me if I’m wrong…but I’m pretty sure this is not Thai food. In fact, it seems like a Hong Kong dish: wanton noodles with char siew pork.
Ah well. Hong Kong, Thai. They all look the same! (I’m being sarcastic, in case you didn’t already know).

Mimi was a sweetheart and gave me an early  Christmas gift:
Two DVDs:
 Heathers and Casanova (LOVED Heath Ledger!)

And a Probar and chocolates:
They were gone by that evening as snack. 😉

I, however, was a horrible friend and didn’t get her anything. 😦
I know, I know…But I forgot that you’re supposed to give gifts on Christmas! My family never did this tradition. I’ve always had a pretty giftless Christmas…

Anyway. I’m right now working on my new domain. I’ve already signed up and have imported my blog, but being technically-challenged, I’m having massive troubles with the themes and CSS and blah blah blah. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, but I’ll figure it out. But please stay in tune for my new blog! 🙂

Question of the day: What do you do when there’s a snowstorm? Go out and build a snowman? Sit around the house drinking hot cocoa? Hibernate?

P.S. Planning a DC blogger lunch meet-up, probably sometime between January 1-4. Please email me: burp.excuzme@gmail.com

“They” vs. Me

You can see it in their faces. You can see it in the way they excitedly drag their luggage, you can feel it in the extra bounce in their steps, you can hear it in their high-pitched voices. All the students are preparing to return home for the winter break, and they just cannot wait to be back home.

But I have a confession. I’m not looking forward to going back home at all. In fact, at one point…I was dreading it.

Don’t get me wrong—I can’t wait to see my family, my friends, my dear church members…But at the same time, I don’t want to be seen by them. Because I’ll no longer just be Sophia Lee, college student. I’ll be Sophia Lee, the Anorexic pastor’s daughter.

It’s tough being a pastor’s kid. You’re always on the pedestal. Inevitably, the pastor (my dad) will mention me in his sermons, which will then be downloaded into the internet and spread worldwide. Inevitably, people will be staring at me, observing me and noticing whatever weight I have gained, whatever I’m eating, etc. Inevitably, there will be people coming up to me to tell me they are “praying against the devil within” me. Inevitably, I will feel like I’m still an Anorexic.

I guess I can’t blame them. It is normal that people would expect certain things out of a pastor’s daughter, particularly great pastor like my dad. And in truth, these people in church have been absolute angels. Except for a few individuals who used me to attack my dad, they have been praying for me and encouraging me all throughout my four years of struggling with this vicious disease.

But that’s precisely the point…I always get this nagging feeling that they’re expecting something from me. Their love and attention on me feels like wet cement dripping on my shoulders. The more they shower attention on me, the more that cement molds itself around me, and as it dries, imprisons me into a statue of clay. I feel like I have to conform myself to whatever they expect me to be. And oh, dear God, I feel so damn stifled!

At least, this is what I’ve been telling God all week. I have no one else to turn to, and He’s the only one who truly understands. So I’ve been bitching and moaning about all the pressures “they” are putting on me. And then, God shut me up by asking me a simple question: “Who is this they you keep mentioning?”

Hm. Good question. Who is “they”?

Honestly, I can’t pinpoint one person who makes me feel this way. When I think about each individual, all I can remember is the exact details of how much they cared for me.

And that’s when I realized— that “they”? It’s me. I’m the one who is confining and oppressing myself. I’m the one who’s working myself up with anxiety and stress. I’m the one who keeps feeling like I should do this, I should do that.

Social pressures? It’s really all from the inside. It’s all about the point of view, and a sense of belonging.

I guess I’ve never really felt like I belonged there. In my eyes, I was the sick patient, and they were the ones who looked at me with pity. I was the odd one out, the emaciated girl who looked like a monster. And I certainly felt like a monster. I was incredibly insecure, and these insecurities fed on every single action and speech that others made by twisting them into a skewed perception.

Well, it’s time to break that cycle of insecurities and negative perceptions. I refuse to go back home with my head bowed low and my eyes shifting around suspiciously, almost actively seeking out things that will prove my insecurities right.

No, I’m going to smile. I’m going to laugh. I’m going to exude confidence. Of course, as a pastor’s daughter with a rather scandalous past, I won’t be able to entirely avoid the gaze of others, but you know what? I’ll just show myself off as a living testimony of God’s grace. Look at me, everybody! Look what God did for me! I may be weak and flawed, but God deemed me worthy enough to heal me! If I have to endure a bit of unwanted attention to manifest God’s amazing power and love, so be it!

And honestly—I think I better get used to that attention, because I am pretty freaking amazing like that. 😉
I mean, my brain just astounds me how brilliant it is! I’ve been trying to use up all the bits and scraps leftover in my fridge and pantry before I left town, and boy I came up with some pretty darn good creations!

So indulge me and pretend this is the best creation ever:

Sweet Potatoes Stewed in Coconut Milk and Peanut Butter

• 1 tsp olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 big-ass sweet potato, chopped into 1-inch chunks
• about 1 cup coconut milk, maybe more
• 2 spoonfuls crunchy peanut butter
• balsamic vinegar (about 1 tablespoon?)
• lime juice (optional)
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• pinch garam marsala
• salt and pepper
• handful raisins
• 2 slices provolone cheese, diced

In a pot, fry up the garlic and onion, until fragrant and slightly softened. Toss in the sweet potato. Stir to mix, then pour in the coconut milk with all the rest of the ingredients except the raisins and cheese.
Bring the mixture to a boil, and then cover and simmer for about 20 minutes until the sweet potato is cooked through and the sauce is reduced. Stir in the raisins.

Transfer the stewed sweet potato into a dish, and top with provolone cheese. Serve!
I admit, it’s rather monotone in color. I would have added some sprinkle of chopped green onions, but I had none. Spinach would also have been nice, but I also had none of that.
Still, the taste was incredible. I mean, you’ve got it all…sweet potatoes, coconut milk, and peanut butter. You never would have thought so, but the combination works. It freaking works!
How should I describe the taste? It’s rich. It’s sensuous. It’s sweet, yet nutty and spicy at the same time. The only alteration I’ll make for next time is adding a squeeze of lime juice. It just needed a bit more acid in there.
And I loved the crunchy peanut butter in there, which added bits of chopped peanuts. I suppose you can add your own.
And ooey, gooey cheese. Mmm. I almost put an egg on top, but I used the egg for another dish (recipe to come!).
All hail to Sophia, Queen of Crazy Dishes! 😉
I think I’ve done enough self-praising. Now it’s your turn. Haha, just kidding! But you know what? It feels nice to be able to let loose a little, and even poke fun at myself. I take myself too seriously sometimes!

Anyway. In about 12 hours, I’ll be flying back home to Virginia…See you in the East Coast!

Question of the day: Do you feel any social pressures, especially during this holiday season? How do you overcome that?

How I Fuel My Freaking Amazing Brain

Wow. I had no idea my last post would generate such passionate responses. I have to say, I really enjoyed reading each and every of your comments, whether you agreed with me or not. Some made me laugh out loud, some made me nod vigorously in agreement, some made me reconsider what I wrote, some made me think deeper into the subject.

Despite what I said about the blog world reminding me a lot like high school, I think the key thing that distinguishes our blogging community from the high school cliques is the fact that we have an instantaneous, open, and uncensored discussion.

I love that. Because it reminds me that despite the trends and the labels I mentioned, we are all unique with individual, original thoughts and opinions. So thanks, guys! Thanks for contributing and providing such a lively, interesting debate! 😀

However, I’d like to emphasize that I was not condemning anyone in any way. What I wrote on my last post was just an observation. Obviously, I’m not saying that you have to do everything different from everyone else. And I’m not saying that following some of those blog fads are a bad thing, as I specifically mentioned on my last post. Plus, I’m sure some of you liked those things way before it even became “in”.

I also mentioned a few of my own personal “blasphemies” not because I think it’s wrong to like chia seeds or Larabars, but to suggest that it is okay to disagree with them and branch out! I may not like froyo anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna persecute you for loving froyo! I mean, I love kabocha and cheese, but that also doesn’t mean I expect everyone to love them, too.

That said, I’m sorry if I sounded accusing or judgmental. I’ve always been a bit of an extremist, so that shows in my words, too. If you like liquefied kale, that’s okay. We can still be friends. 🙂

Okay. Now that we’ve tied up some loose ends, I’ve got exciting news to share: My last final exam is TODAY! In just a few hours, I’ll be done for this semester! This calls for a celebration, so after that, I’m going out for sushi with Mimi and Kathryn! Can’t wait! >.<

Meanwhile, there’s been some random pictures stored in my camera, and they’re in need of a massive clean-up. So these are just some random snacks and eats I’ve been munching on to fuel up during the past week of final exam preparations…Get ready for an influx of pictures!  

Right, let’s see what brain fuel I had…

 Free Chick-fil-a sandwich!
They were handing these out on campus, and I gleefully snagged one home. Hey, when you’re a college student, you take free food wherever you can get!
Hm. I wasn’t impressed. This was one boring sandwich; just a breaded and fried chicken filet between a limpy bun. Blah. I ended up dumping a lot of hot sauce in it.

Oh, and shocking news…I’ve decided I rather like chocolate after all!
But just mild milk chocolate, preferably with something like nuts included. I still can’t really do dark chocolate. And I’m loving the S’mores edition goldfish graham crackers! Anyone tried those yet?

More chocolate:
I think chocolate candy bars may be the best brain fuel ever. It’s instant energy, and during the next couple of hours, I manage to have intense concentration in my work. The problem is, after that two hours, I crash. That’s why I try to avoid excessive sugar if I can.

By the way, this is now currently my favorite sandwich:
 Smoked ham, brie cheese, tomatoes, honey-mustard, salad greens, cottage cheese in whole-wheat pita.
 Grilled like this:
Yum. I never get tired of this combination.

I’ve also been befriending my buddy, Carl’s Jr:
I usually get the Teriyaki burger, but I tried the Western Bacon Cheeseburger for something new:
Charbroiled All-Beef Patty, Two Strips of Bacon, Melted American Cheese, Two Crispy Onion Rings and Tangy BBQ Sauce on a Toasted Sesame Seed Bun.

The problem with this burger is that the bacon is pretty pathetic.
And I’m not sure I understand the onion rings in there. Don’t they know the point of onion rings is for its crispy exterior? These just turned rather soggy in the burger. Ah, well. It was still delicious.

At some point I also had fries:

Because sometimes you just need the grease. 😉

I also finished off the last of my Man Bait lollipops:
 

Maple-Bacon Lollipop! Yes, that’s right! You can actually see the real bits of bacon in it:
It was the best lollipop I ever had. How can you go wrong with bacon?

I also got bored pretending to study so I took some random pictures of myself:
I look so serious. Pretty ridiculous, considering that I’ve got a lollipop stuck in my mouth.
Exam period sucks.

Anyway. Ever since Christina sent me those roasted plantain chips from Trader Joes, I just can’t seem to get enough! But since I don’t have access to Trader Joes, I decided to roast my own:
Just buy some half-ripe plantains, peel and slice them up, spray them with oil, and bake them in a 350 degree oven until nice and crunchy, and then sprinkle with salt:
Not bad! These are too addicting, though. I just can’t stop eating them! But I think they are more nutritious than regular potato chips…am I right?
Okay, is it lunch time yet? Did I mention that I haven’t had sushi in 4 years? I am so freaking excited! Ah, how will I ever concentrate during exams?

Which reminds me, I really need to get going…so until we meet again…exam-free!!! 😀

Question of the day: What is your favorite brain fuel?

[Edited to add] I did not get my sushi fix today. Poor Kathryn had a nasty tummyache! Hope you’re all right now, Kat!

Back in High School Again

I’ve been bobbing around the blog world for almost a year, and sometimes, I feel like I’m back in high school again.

Don’t get me wrong—I adore the blog world, I really do. I think we have a fantastic community, and even my parents were astonished by the “warm, kind, and loving” people here after reading some of your comments. But…there are still many aspects of the blogosphere that reminds me of high school.

First, we have that Great “Popular Group” Divide. Some blogs are just more popular than others, for whatever reason. It might be their fancy pictures. It might be their fancy writing. It might be their gregarious and charismatic ways. Or it might simply be the reason that they’ve been around longer, thus building a more loyal readership.

Another aspect that reminds me of high school: labels. I don’t know why, but we humans have the tendency to stick labels on anyone and anything. In high school, we labeled each other as “Nerds” and “Marching Band geeks” and “Punks”, blah blah blah. As a blogger, I know and experience the tendency to want to label myself and others. Some of us have the label of a “healthy living blogger”, some are “vegan” or “raw”, some as “restaurant reviewers”, some as “bakers”, some as “mothers”, some as “weight loss”, others as “ED-recoverers”, and so on and so forth.

Yet another high school stigma in the blog world is trends. Come on, we all know what they are, and have fallen victims to it. For whatever ridiculous reason, we feel the need to also fall in love with whatever the popular bloggers are loving: oats-in-a-jar, yogurt “mess”, Green Monsters, chia seeds, Larabars, yahdee yahdee yah. Whatever’s “in” right now, we want to try it, we almost feel pressured to love it as well, despite the fact that we probably would never even have considered eating it otherwise.

I’m not necessarily saying it’s a bad thing. But I wonder…will we ever be rid of high school? Seems like it’s following me wherever I go, even to the Internet.

That said, I’ll go ahead and list a few of my personal opinions that may sound blasphemous in the blog world (the Health Living section anyway):

• I hate Larabars. And most bars, in general.
• The idea of Green Monsters and chia seeds makes me go:
• I don’t buy organic stuff, not even for dairy products. I buy my eggs and milk in a generic bulk store (Not because I don’t care for the environment…I just can’t afford it!)
• I’ve stopped buying Greek yogurt…and I don’t miss it at all.
• I’m not sure I like peanut butter that much anymore.
• I do not like hummus.
• I do not care for canned pumpkin.
• I stay away from health food restaurants if possible.
• I like McDonald’s. And most fast food chains in general.
• I love hotdogs. Oh, my sweet neon-pink processed mystery meat shaped like…Uh, anyway, I like it. A lot.

So there.

Anyway. I’ve been watching a lot of Anthony Bourdain’s foodie escapades in No Reservations, and it made me think that part of being a foodie should be that excitement of trying something completely new. Something you never thought you would try or make. After all, the realm of food is vast and adventurous, and limiting your eats to within the fads of the  blog world is just so…limiting and boring?

That’s why I immediately agreed to try out Pepperidge Farms’ Puff Pastry as part of the Foodbuzz Tastemaker Program. This is a new adventure for me, because in truth, I don’t really like puff pastry. I’m just not a pastry person. The texture of flaky, crispy dough is just not as appealing to me as a dense, chewy bread. But, in the interest of broadening my foodie horizons, I decided to give it a try.

Note: For this post’s pictures, please excuse the glarish tone of my pictures…I made it in the evening, and the color quality is just horrible.

Everybody, say hello to Mr. Puff Pastry (or is that Mrs?):
Here’s how it looks inside the box:
Two rectangular sheets of fresh pastry dough. I left it out to thaw while I prepared my ingredients:
 Potatoes and sweet potatoes. Now, those are pretty predictable.

Same with apples and onions:
But the new ingredient I incorporated was beef Mexican chorizo and heavy cream:
With kale, because you can never go wrong with some greens in there.

Now, I’ve never cooked with chorizo before, nor with heavy cream, unless you count baking desserts that I never ate a long time ago. So this was a new thing for me. Ooh, exciting!

Here’s the recipe:

Sweet & Spicy Puff Pastry Ball with Chorizo, Apples & Potatoes

• 3 medium Yukon potatoes
• 1 medium sweet potato
• 1 package beef Mexican chorizo
• 3 cloves garlic
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 1 green apple, diced
• 1 big bunch kale, chopped
• 1 handful raisins
• heavy cream
• 1 sheet puff pastry

Chop up both potatoes, and roast in 350 degree oven for about 20-30 minutes until cooked through:
Next, heat up a skillet and dump all the chorizo into it:
Ok. Here’s my first mistake: I think I might have bought a cheap-ass chorizo, because this was 60% grease and 30% meat and 10% “bonus” substance. Honestly. It was disgustingly greasy, and I had to drain most of that grease out. 😦

Moving on. Dump in onions, garlic, and apples. Cook for a few minutes.
Add in the potatoes, mix and cook for 2 minutes or so:
Then dump in the kale:
And then the raisins:
And then pour about 1/4 cup heavy cream in there:
Let the whole thing cook until the kale is wilted and the mixture has absorbed all the flavor of the chorizo.

Next, take a sheet of the puff pastry and mold it into a small bowl:
Spoon in the chorizo filling, and seal it shut, trimming off the extra dough.

Flip the bowl over to release the ball:
Then slit the middle. Brush some extra heavy cream on the dough.
Bake in oven.

Here’s my mistake #2: I baked at about 350 degree temperature, only to find that the dough was not rising. Holy crap. I frantically rushed online to check, and found out that puff pastry only rises at a temperature around 400 degrees. Thankfully, I raised the temperature early enough for the puff pastry to bake perfectly.

Here’s the baby:
I have no idea why I slit a hole in the middle. It just seemed to make sense. But it looks kind of like an asshole. A very big asshole. Damn it.
Ah, well. It’s the taste that counts.
And it was mighty tasty. Although I forgot the cheese. I was meaning to add some Cabot Cheese in there, but I totally forgot. Mistake #3.
But that’s okay. It actually didn’t really need the cheese, because with the spicy chorizo and the sweetness of the sweet potatoes, apples, and raisins, the flavors worked really well. Cheese might have been an overkill.
It doesn’t look that great, I admit. Kale loses its green quality when cooked in the red grease of chorizo.
Unfortunately, my eyes were bigger than my stomach, because try as I might, I almost couldn’t finish this in one sitting. Almost, save for a tiny bite:
As you can probably guess, I did not use all my chorizo filling for this pastry. I decided to turn it into soup. I dumped everything into a pot with some chicken broth:
Poured in more of the heavy cream:
Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble…
The result was a really interesting, thick stew:
By interesting I mean yummy, of course.
Leftover fillings are best turned into a rich, satisfying stew. 🙂
Phew! That was quite an interesting adventure. Honestly, I was afraid of making a big fat inedible mess, but they both turned out delicious! And it was great fun! 🙂

And how do I find time to do this while I’m in the middle of final exams, I don’t know…But I have just two more left until everything is over!! I cannot wait, wait, wait!

Question of the day: Let’s be frank…anything “blasphemous” in the blog world that you want to confess out loud here? I won’t tell! 😉

Too Damn Pampered

If there is one thing this annoying wrestle with WordPress has taught me, it’s to never take things for granted…and that boy, do I have it easy.

You know, we live in an age of absolute convenience and indulgence. We’ve got everything at the touch of our fingertips—literally. We have instant access to anything and everything:

Bored? Click. Ooh, Food Network on TV!
Hungry? Click. Hello, Papa Johns?
Lonely? Click. Hi, *insert best friend’s name here*, whatcha doing?

We live at the peak of The Age of Pampering. Maybe…a bit too pampered. To the point that we are immune to it. To the point that we have become fat, petulant, ungrateful children. At least, I think I have.

Sometimes, I wonder what real hardship is like. What does it mean to physically toil away, dripping sweat and blood to earn all the riches and pleasures I’m enjoying?

I mean, look at me: I’m moaning and groaning because my internet connection isn’t working the way I want it to be. I sigh tragically because I have to sit through two hours of examination (my first final is in…2 hours). I pout because my parents are too busy ministering in China to send me an email. I scowl because I’m not allowed to sneak food out of the dining hall.

Oh dear. What am I turning into? I think there is a point where I become too comfortable and happy that I become uncomfortable and unhappy with the most minor and ridiculous details.

That’s why…I needed that. I needed that little nudge, that little prick in the butt while I lay all too relaxed in my big fluffy couch. I need something to go wrong, just so I am reminded of how fortunate and blessed I am. When things go wrong, I remember all the things that are right. Thus I suppose sometimes, having problems in my life is a good thing.

Still, I am relieved to say that my problems are fixed…for now. WordPress issues are gone. I don’t know how, and I don’t really care; I’m just so freaking happy whenever WordPress loads up on my computer that it’s kind of embarrassing.

Also, God answered my prayers. I met up with my history TA to discuss some exam questions, and she actually agreed to let me turn in my history project! Of course this isn’t really “allowed”…but she must have been enchanted by my charms.
In addition, she informed me that my final paper was one of the best in the class! Double woo-hoo!

Oh, and parents finally emailed. I told them as courteously as possible that they are very, very, very mean for ignoring their one and only daughter like that. They apologized, and said they’ve been preaching for up to 14 hours each day, and practically fainted on their beds each time they got back to their hotel. So all is forgiven.

Of course, I’m pretty sure something is going to go wrong again sometime. But in the meantime, I’m damn well gonna enjoy and be grateful for all the things that are good right now. 🙂

And you know another thing I’m never going to take for granted? A freaking good sandwich. Remember that disaster sandwich at Newsroom Cafe? And what about this sandwich? And this one? Maybe not, but after those episodes, I realized that you certainly can mess up a simple sandwich.

Not so for Langer’s Delicatessen. Oh Lordie. If you want the best sandwich ever, fly down to Los Angeles and hit this place up. I swear, you’ll never want to leave.
Langer’s is known for the best pastrami sandwich in America. That’s right—The best pastrami sandwich in America. Perhaps even the world. And yes, it’s in Los Angeles. Not New York, home of the pastrami delis. In fact, I’m pretty sure Langer’s is the only deli place that got the James Beard Award. Here’s the stamp on the menu to prove it:
Take that, New Yorkers! Kanz, go to the corner and cry!

Well, how can I pass up a place that holds such a fine prestige? Mimi, Kathryn, and I decided to hit up this place one afternoon and taste that wonder sandwich for ourselves.
The interior design is pretty down-to-earth, very much like a homey, low-key diner. I was already warming up to this place.
Apparently, the #19 sandwich is the sandwich to get here. See, they even have a sign that says so.
Mimi snagged that one first. That girl is fast! See, we have a mutual rule that says we will never order the same dish, so I looked up Chowhound.com for a second alternative.

I found that there is actually a pretty lively debate over the “true” taste of a pastrami sandwich. According to some pastrami sandwich-snobs, just plain pastrami with a slather of mustard is the only way to honor the ethereal taste of their pastrami. So I obliged. Plain it is!

Here it is:
 Hot, hand-cut pastrami on rye bread.

And here’s Mimi’s #19:
 Hot, hand-cut pastrami, coleslaw, and Russian dressing on rye bread (no Swiss cheese).

And Kathryn ordered a vegetable soup:
 Vegetables and barley soup of the day.

Holy pastrami. It was good. Damn good.
The meat was intensely flavorful, with just the right amount of fattiness and leanness. And oh…so…juicy…
But being a carb-whore, I definitely thought that the rye bread was the wow factor of this sandwich. It was the chewiest, yummiest bread I’ve ever had that wasn’t a french baguette. It was served warm; lovely and chewy on the inside, crunchy and crusty on the outside. Perfection!
Unfortunately…them Chowhounders lied. I don’t care if the “right” and “honorable” way to eat this is just plain pastrami. I was definitely missing some tang! I wanted CHEEEEESE!
It was just too…plain, even with a thick slather of mustard.

Thankfully, Mimi was generous enough to share a quarter of her sandwich:
Oh. Em. Gi. Now, not to sound blasphemous…but this was the Holy Trinity of Sandwiches: Pastrami, Coleslaw, and Russian Dressing. I wasn’t sure if I was tasting more of my saliva or the sandwich itself!

Now that, my friend, is a sandwich. No Arnold’s Sandwich Thins for me!

I didn’t taste Kathryn’s soup, but it seemed pretty good, with lots of chewy barley. At least, I hope it was good…She doesn’t like red meat, but was awfully kind enough to give Mimi and I a ride to Langer’s. I love this girl!

Warning: It’s a bit pricey though. A typical sandwich is about $14. Add tips and drinks, and you’re running close to $20 for a meal. But dang it, it’s worth it!

Okay, these pictures are making my stomach rumble and I’m supposed to take my first final exam soon…I hope I don’t disturb my fellow classmates! Wish me luck!

Question of the day: What is one thing you take for granted in your life? And…what is the best sandwich you’ve ever eaten?