Sanity Tips from a Grouch

“Are we there yet?”

That is the question uttered wearily by every student during this point at the semester. Go on, ask one. They’ll turn to you with bleary eyes and caffeinated jitters, and repeat that same question.

Mid-terms has just past, like a great typhoon of late-night studying and flurry of readings and scribblings. The tide has drawn, but you never know when it’ll flood back with a storm of new papers and exams.

Boy, college is tough. But I’m not here to bitch. I’m here to share a few of my secrets on how to stay sane in the midst of all the stress and craziness.

Here are a few of my own personal guidelines (some I break, some I uphold like a religious commandment):

Sophia’s Ways to Maintain Sanity in College

• The 7pm Rule: Never open a textbook or study or do anything academic-related after 7pm. Once the clock reads 7:00 pm, I close up my notebooks, and relax.
  (This is my favorite rule. I stick to it no matter what. Even during mid-terms. Which is why you could see my blogging when I have mid-terms the next day)
• The Morning Coffee: I always try to wake up about at least an hour and a half earlier than my first class, so that I can go out for a run, come back home, fix breakfast, drink my fresh-brewed coffee.
  (This sets me off for a good day. It is never a good idea to rush off to class right out of bed, because you’re just not in the right mentality to pay attention in class. Might as well sleep in. Also, without coffee, I’m a total…bitch)
• Be smart-selective with readings: I don’t read everything that my professor assigns. Some are just plain unnecessary! Figure out what the professor wants, and emphasizes on, and focus on that.
  (I’m still trying to get the hang of this)
• Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy: No matter what I do, even a 10-page research paper (groan!), I try my best to make it enjoyable. It’s not a matter of hypnotizing or forcing yourself to “enjoy” it, but a matter of changing your attitude about that assignment. Try to find some aspects of it that may interest you. If you stay positive, your time spent will be much more productive and effective.
  (True story. I experience this all the time)
• Start on your assignment ASAP: Don’t ever procrastinate. It can do you no good.
  (I actually start on my assignments the day I get them. While my classmates are struggling to finish their essays, I have mine done 2 days ahead of time. Love the breathing space!)
• Eat well: Duh. Like I needed to even tell you this!
  (But not if you have a mandated partial meal plan. Like I do. Scroll down, and let me explain)

Unfortunately, I still have 43 meals left to choke down in my school dining hall. Damn it. It’s already past half the semester, and I’ve only dined there for a total of 7 meals. And I’m already so, so, so sick of all the food there.

I have, however, found the dining cafeteria a good place to study:
They have internet access and power cords for my laptop, so I just hitch my Macbook up and take advantage of the unlimited drinks and snacks.

Like say, granola in a bit of milk, with chunks of chocolate:
Warmed up in the microwave, the chocolate melts into the mixture, and the granola gets sort of chewy…
Not bad, but it was too sweet. The first bowl was good. But after my second bowl, I thought I was going to puke.

So another time, I decided to do brunch, since how can anyone mess up brunch food, right?

Wrong.

Check this out:
 Salad, fruit, turkey sausage, frittata, and omelet. With diet coke.

Salad is fine. Fruit is okay. Turkey sausage is blah. Frittata is blah. Omelet is waaaaay under-seasoned.
How the hell does one mess up an omelet? Is this some crazy low-sodium rule that the school has? And where is the cheese I ordered? No cheese makes Sophia a very, very unhappy grouch.

Disappointed, I just filled up on frittata:
…And more frittata:
And more frittata, with another sausage patty:
 And yet more frittata, with yet another patty:
I used the same plate for the omelet, so it’s still there, cold and rejected.

It’s something about the fact that this lackluster meal cost me $11 that makes me stuff myself to the brim with lackluster food. Does this make sense? That in order to get my money’s worth, I feel the need to fill myself up to the gills!

Poor Mimi. During our weekly Thursday meet-ups, I sometimes have to drag her to dine at the cafeteria. And they’ve been consistently bad. But we managed to find a few items that were actually edible.

Vegetarian Shepherd’s pie that was all potatoes and no filling:
Some kind of Indian-spiced vegetable medley that was actually pretty good minus all the grease:
 Mango-Chutney Chicken salad with tzatziki sauce:
Some kind of beef curry that was tough, stringy, and spat out:
Boring egg salad and tuna salad: 
These totally needed hot sauce. And lots of it.

On the brighter hand, I found out that Fridays was Asian-themed. Despite my ambivalence, the food wasn’t too bad:
 Asian sweet-and-sour rice noodle salad, cheese pizza, tzatziki sauce.

And second plate:
 Pepperoni & Sausage pizza, lemongrass mashed potatoes, green curry with shrimp and white rice

There was not a hint of lemongrass in that mashed potatoes, so I suspect they just threw that in there to sound fancy and go along with the Asian-theme. The green curry was pretty good, though.

So far, a lot of misses and a few acceptables. And I have 43 more rounds to go. God. Damn. It. I tried to swipe my friend in for a free meal, but they wouldn’t let me because I only have a partial meal plan.

Huh?! I’ve never heard such complete bullshit in my life!

To think my brother goes to Virginia-Tech, the school with one of the best on-campus dining, complete with lobsters and wood-grilled pizzas. Next time he complains about the food, I shall smack him and make him eat ours.

Wow. How did this post turn out to be so negative? Sorry, I promised not to bitch, but as I said, bad food makes me grouchy!

I’ll be back to my more chipper self by the next post. I promise!

Question of the Day: Remember my 7 pm rule? What about you? Are you a late-worker? A procrastinator?
And any tips for me to enjoy school dining food more?

Lovey-Dovey

I’m not a lovey-dovey person. I really am not. Cooing at cute little babies is foreign to me, and romantic gestures like flowers and cute “surprises” creep me out. If I ever get a husband, you’ll probably see us bickering and getting into passionate debates instead of passionate embraces.

That said, I have to admit I am very affectionate. I just don’t know how to show it well in person. Which is why when I need to express deep feelings and fondness for someone, I need to do it through writing.

Abby from Abby Has Issues spread some bloggy love to me about a week ago. I, in typical fashion, was an idiot and didn’t realize that I was supposed to spread it in return through a definite post, and not just regular commenting pleasantry. Abby reminded me to spread the love this weekend, so here I am. Thanks for being patient with me, Abby!
Now. Honestly, I was in a predicament about who to spread this to. Not because I can’t think of anyone, but because my head was bombarded by a whole list of names I wanted to spread this love to. Which is why it took me a bit longer to write this post. But I’ve finally whittled it down to three. Here they are:

1. Wacky Becky (tee hee) from The Nomad Gourmand:

This amazing, spunky bread-whore from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia has been one of my oldest readers. Her comments never fail to make me smile, as they are humorous, detailed, and personable. She’s been through some hard times, such as pneumonia, but she has endured them with grace, and still fights on. Despite her little antics and clowning, she has a deeper, more philosophical side to her, which I can see by her constant encouragements for me while I was still deep in the process of recovery. I find that amazing considering that she never and doesn’t have ED, she is so understanding!

Oh, and this little woman may be opening her own bakery soon…so when she does, please send her some love! <3

2. Grace Melody-Moo from Grace Points:

What more can I say about Grace, except that she is the most blessed and most blessing person ever? Grace has also been one of my oldest readers, and she has always given me such great comfort and advices. This is a girl who went through the same horror path as me, but who have fought and won the great battle. And now, she has dedicated her life to God, and is in seminary school.

This girl is my role model. I am always inspired by her wise reflections, her deep spirituality, and most of all, her simple and passionate love for God.

3. Mimi from Damn the Freshman 15:

And finally, Mimi. Can I tell you how much I adore this girl? I think her name has been mentioned in every single post ever since I came to USC. In fact, this post will be specially dedicated to her.

I have not stated this out loud in my blog, but Mimi is going through some bad food relationships of her own. In fact, before I even met her or knew that we would be in the same school together, Mimi had sent me a sincere and desperate email, finally admitting that she has an eating disorder, and seeking help.

If by help she means enjoying good food with her, then I’ve done a pretty darn good job. But honestly, I can’t take credit for anything. All I’ve done is sit next to her and eat up while she tackled her fear foods, one by one.

Let’s see…what did she overcome in the less than two months?

• A whole greasy burger at Umami
• Real pizza at Mr. Pizza, with the crusts
• Fried Thai noodles at the University Village
• A real sandwich (aka two non-diet bread pieces) with creamy brie at Sophia’s Kitchen
• Tons of butter-laden Italian cuisine at Zucca Ristorante
• Tteokbukki at Han Nam Market
• Mac & Cheese (not the non-fat shit) at Sophia’s kitchen

I know. Who is this mean, lean, eating, ED-conquering machine? This girl is SUPER-ED-BASHER! Even now, I am amazed at how willingly and determined she is in facing every of her challenging fear foods…She never once chickened out, she never once ran away screaming as I would have done about a year ago, but met each battle with tenacity and courage. I tell you, never ever underestimate a Southern belle!

A couple of days ago, Mimi faced another battle. This time, we met up with another fellow USC student and blogger, Kathryn.
Kathryn is the blogger of Froyoaholics Anonymous, and one of the most stunning girl I’ve ever met in person. This girl is gorgeous! I think I was a bit star-struck. She is also incredibly nice and sweet, and from the instant we met, we were gibbering non-stop about everything from froyo (her specialty) to horses to movies. Another cool thing about her? She has a car! Woo-hoo!! We took that opportunity to travel further than we could have.

We went to the Farmer’s Market at The Grove.
Remember that place my parents and I took a wrong turn to? Well this time it was completely deliberate as we sought out to try a cuisine that is dear to my heart…
  Singaporean cuisine! I was thrilled to find that L.A. had a small Singaporean eatery called Banana Leaf! Oh, how I’ve missed my hometown food!
We ordered three dishes to share. First, Chicken Mee Goreng:
 Thin yellow noodles fried with onion, chili, vegetables, tomatoes, and egg. Topped with spicy chicken.
This was okay. It wasn’t as authentic as I wanted it to be, but it was satisfying nonetheless. The chicken was tough and stringy, though the seasoning had a great kick, almost like fajita chicken. The noodles were a bit overcooked, but that just added to its crispness, which is actually desirable in Mee Goreng.
Second, Rojak:
Salad dish with jicama, pineapple, salad greens, bean sprouts in sweet and spicy chili sauce.
This was horribly unauthentic. It was more like a salad plate you can find anywhere else! The sauce is supposed to be thick, dark, and sticky, chock-full of peanuts, almost like molasses. But it was more like a regular liquidy dressing. Not to say it wasn’t good, but it was just disappointingly boring.

Third, Laksa:
 Coconut curry soup with noodles and fishballs
  This was just blah. It looks spicy, but it really wasn’t. The taste is supposed to be strong and pungent, a sinus-clearing sensation, but it was severely lacking in taste.
It came with keropok, or shrimp crackers:
At least this was pretty darn authentic! Nice and crunchy, with a definite dried shrimp flavor.

Now, obviously, none of these dishes are what doctors would recommend for weight loss. But Mimi sampled all of them and enjoyed it! What a trooper! That’s really the only way to conquer your fears…just DO it! Unfortunately, I can’t say Kathryn seemed to like Singaporean food too much…So sorry, Kathryn! You pick the location next time!

At least we had a great time! The best moment is when we al whipped out our cameras, of course:
Bloggers in action!
The farmer’s market is a really cool place. I wish I had a car to visit frequently! Because Halloween is near, they had some sort of Halloween-themed event going on:
Check out this amazing carved pumpkin!

And mom and daughter dancing to country music:
Aawww…
And basically, just a whole lot of food stalls!

Well, I’ve spread some blogger love, and L.A. love, and Singaporean love as well, though that particular food place disappointed me…At least, it still gave me a taste of home.

Now, go spread some love yourselves!

Question of the day: Name one fellow blogger you would like to show some appreciation to today?

Edited to add: The church member I mentioned on my previous two posts have just passed away. It was peaceful, without much pain. He left behind a young wife and two kids. Please keep them in your prayers.

We, the Citizens of the Blog World…

Three major essays for three separate classes, three articles for my school’s newspaper, tons of emails and more writings in preparation for my upcoming mid-term later…I just want to kick back and relax. So what do I do? I hitch up my Macbook and write a blog post.

This is the ultimate sign: I have to be born to be a writer. Writing is in my bones. When I’m  happy, I write. When I’m angry, I write. When I’m sad, I write. I write for school, I write for  the Daily Trojan, I write for personal emails, and I write for this blog. But I have to admit, writing for this blog is the highest form of entertainment for me.

That said, being a blogger comes with tons of responsibilities, both consciously and unconsciously. Here’s my personal list of blogger responsibilities:

Blogger’s Code of Responsibilities

1. Keeping my blog updated: this is critical for any blog. You’ve got readers, and you don’t want to spring them with a random post after two months of hiatus. I no longer post daily, but I try to at least post once every two days. That may even be too much for some of you, but you can always work up a regular schedule, and stick to it.

2. Responding to readers: Sometimes, readers may ask questions, or share something really personal. I don’t want to leave them hanging and disappointed. Obviously I don’t have to respond to every comment that says something simple like “Yummy!” But if they ask specific questions, I answer back in the form of email. I don’t respond in my comment page, though, as not all readers return back to look for it.

3. Being sensitive to readers: Okay, I admit I may have a bit of problem here. I am super-opinionated, and I have a hard time holding back some of my views. Of course this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, but I still have the moral responsibility that people are actually going to read what I say and be affected by it. If the majority of my audience is eating disordered, I’m not going to put anything potentially triggering on my blog. Likewise, even though I’m a devout Christian, I’m not going to scream out, “You’re going to hell, you heathen!” when I talk about my faith.
   
4. Commenting back: This is kind of ambiguous. I personally feel a bit guilty if I don’t at least “return the favor” of commenting back to those who has blogs. Not to say I feel pressured to read your blogs – if I’m a regular commenter, it’s because I like you— but I think it is at least common courtesy to check out the commenter’s blog once.
   
5. Being wise with commenting: This actually pertains to everyone— both the readers and the bloggers. I added this because a large chunk of food bloggers have/had an eating disorder, and this blog started as an eating disorder recovery blog as well. I noticed that sometimes, when a blogger with history of ED starts to slip, nobody says anything.

   For example, signs of obsessive exercise or restriction. Eating salads and yogurts for most meals? That’s not normal, nor is it healthy. I’m not saying you should condemn that person, or embarrass that person by pointing it out loud on the comment page. But commenting something like, “Wow, you eat so healthy, good job”? Not cool. You don’t even have to say anything. You can simply stop commenting, and the blogger may take notice. Or, depending on the circumstance and your relationship with that person, you can send a sincere email with a nice reminder.

   I like to think of bloggers as a community. We may not know each other personally, but we do have a relationship, and we shouldn’t be turning a blind eye to someone who is clearly in need of support or encouragement, or criticize and judge each other.

6. Being truthful in product reviews: Now, this is probably one of the best perks of being a blogger…the free swag! Don’t go crazy and start accepting any random samples, though. If you’re a health blogger, obviously you don’t want to be reviewing Kraft’s fat-free cheese. Also, don’t feel pressured to say a good word just to be nice. There is no Ms. Nice in reviews. There is only Ms. Trust. You’ve got to be true to your readers, because trust, once lost, is hard to gain back.
   

And now, it’s time for my own product review! I haven’t done many of these, but I’ve been receiving some sweet packages lately so I’ve been toiling away, munching on some yummy eats just to do a review for you guys…ah, the pains I go through for my readers!

First off, I got my package of Nature’s Pride Bread as Tastemaker for Foodbuzz:
Whole Wheat, and 12-Grain (Sorry, I forgot to take a picture of them until I ate some up).

I tried them plain at first, just to see how they stand up to the other breads I’ve tried— I liked it! They’re quite substantial, none of that fluffy business, and I love how they have that slight sour aroma…just a bit of that good ol’ artisan sourdough taste. Yum!

I wish they had a bit more chew and density to them, though, but I guess these were made to be used as sandwich bread, not to eat plain. So I blasted out my George Foreman for some sweet-ass grilled sammies:

Melon, Brie, and Smoked Ham Grilled Sandwiches

• 2 slices Nature’s Pride 12-Grain bread
• dijon mustard
• thin slices of melon
• 4 slices of smoked ham
• thick slices of brie
• thin slices of red onion

Slather one side of each bread with dijon mustard. Pile in all the other ingredients and snap them shut between the bread. Grill in the hot arms of Mr. GF.
Here’s where my “strong opinion” budges in: This sandwich is the freaking bomb!! Heavenly, mind-blowing combination!
Don’t be afraid of the melon— it’s good stuff hot with melted, creamy brie!
If I had prosciutto, I would have used that, but you know with my pitiful budget and all…I had to make do with good ol’ 50%-off deli ham.
Come on, I know you want a bite, don’t ya?
Now, stop moaning and wake yourself up for another review: Chobani Greek Yogurt.
I think by now all of you already know what Chobani is, and for good reason, because this stuff is rather awesome. I have to be honest— I was rather skeptical of this brand, because it is cheaper than its competitors.
But I enjoyed them tremendously, even though I don’t really like flavored yogurt— they actually stayed creamy, without being overly artificially-flavored or sweet. Just perfect!
My favorite was blueberry, pineapple, and of course good ol’ plain. I didn’t like the Pomegranate much, though. Something about that gritty seeds.
See how thick it is?
And the little pineapple chunks…
Perfect light snack!

And here’s yet another review: Nature’s Path!
(From left) Crunchy Maple Sunrise cereal, Pumpkin Flaxplus Granola, Optimum Strawberry & Yogurt cereal
 Optimum energy bar (blueberry, flax & soy) and HempPlus Raisin granola bars

First up, the Optimum energy bar:
I’m not a big fan of bars in general, but these weren’t bad. They tasted a bit like blueberry coffeecake, but a very, very, very healthy cake, if you know what I mean. I liked them okay, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy them.
Next, HempPlus Raisin granola bar:
Pretty sweet! Chewy, sticky, with bits of crunch. Tastewise, I wouldn’t say they’re much different from your regular Quaker granola bar…but nutrition-wise, they’re stellar with the added omega-3 fats.

Now that the less-enthusiastic review are out of the way, I feel ready to rave about the next three…

 Crunchy Maple Sunrise cereal:
This is amazing!!! Holy-freaking yummilicious!Tons of different textures, not too sweet, lovely maple flavor…I think I’m addicted, because I could not stop munching and crunching on these! Oh noooooo!! What about my budget?!
They were awesome in my Chobani though.

Pumpkin Flaxplus Granola
These are perfect. They’re already gone. The whole bag, in my tummy, now thoroughly digested. Enough said.

Optimum Strawberry & Yogurt cereal:
I’m trying to restrain myself away from this, because I want my roommate to taste this— she’ll kiss her Special K goodbye, because this is incomparably good.
I did dig through and just had to fish out the crunchy yogurt bites…urgh, bad habit. Stop it, Sophia, stop it!

I can’t believe I used to be so cold towards cereal. Now I dread the day I reach my last handful of these wonderful cereal.

Well, that’s all, folks. Tomorrow I’ve got another blogger meeting planned…stay tuned!

Question of the day: What do you think of my Blogger’s Code of Responsibilities? Is there anything you disagree on, or want to add on? Please share! I’m still a newbie, so I’m still learning!

I Laugh In Your Face

I’m glad you all agree with me: My dad is freaking sweet! Funny how I used to think he was Hitler’s spawn. It’s enormous how a little maturity can change the relationship between you and a parent. I’d like to say we’re *almost* like equals now…we discuss more, and instead of my dad being just an authoritative figure, I truly think of him as one of my best friends as well.

But sometimes, my dad ain’t so sweet. And thank God that he knows exactly when to use the reverse psychology on me.

You see, a few days ago, I received the greatest shock of my life: I got a C+ on my essay on the evolution debates.

Why? Not for stylistic issues, or mechanics, but because my opinion was too strong. It’s more like a screed than an academic paper, my professor scribbled in bright red ink. But I thought strong arguments was the purpose of an argumentative essay!

Don’t worry, I did not charge up at my professor screaming and kicking. In fact, I was too stunned to say or do anything. I staggered out in a daze, almost certain that this was all a horrible nightmare.

I, Sophia Lee, got a C+. And not just in any subject; it was in my best freaking subject, writing. I, who have never gotten less than an A in any essays, who wrote up 90-page papers when I was just a freshman, whose essays were read out loud during class as model essays numerous times…I got a freaking C+?!!

This wasn’t just a slap in the face. It was a total bulldoze, crush, trample, smash, squash, crush, mow-down, rip-apart…Okay, you get the idea. Anyway, that was how I felt that hideous, outrageous C+ did to my flabbergasted face. I didn’t even have the mental coherence to go grocery-shopping (Okay, that was a lie).

But that night, my dad happened to call. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so I refused to answer the call. Five seconds later, I felt bad and called back.

“Sophia, darling!” My dad boomed in his joyful, jolly voice.

I instantly regretted calling. “Hi,” I moaned glumly, thinking, I hate happy people.

My dad immediately caught notice of my deflated tone. “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t help it. I started crying. “I got a C+ on my evolution essay~” I wailed.

And you know what my dad did? He laughed. Laughed. Yes, he dared laugh outright into my face! “Hahaha,” he guffawed. Then his voice got muffled as he told my mom really loudly that his daughter got her first C.

“Hahaha!” my mother chortled.

And here’s the strangest thing. I couldn’t help bursting out in laughter, too! I tried to pretend to be pissed off, but inside, I felt as if all the distress inside of me were blown away with their laughter. How silly I was! My parents were absolutely right to be laughing, because I was seriously being ridiculous with one single grade.

“Finally you’ve found a professor that won’t pump your ego but whip you good!” my dad exclaimed gleefully. 

Ummm…Okay, daddy, you can stop now, I get your point.

Anyway. Sometimes, when life hits you in the face with a splash of salty water, you just need to spit it back out and laugh. There are so many freaking things we worry about that in the larger and deeper context, is so frivolous. How foolish and pathetic it would be to waste all our precious emotions and time over such meaningless things!

Besides, another thing I realized: you don’t learn anything if life is all sooth course and calm waves. It’s during a storm that you are alert, that you experience and learn something new.

So what did I learn from this C+?

1) I need to tone down a little in my opinions when writing an academic paper. 

2) I won’t waste more than 5 minutes on anything that isn’t worthy of time and emotions.

3) When being laughed at, laugh together.

Likewise, with food, it’s best not to get too serious. Flavors and ingredients are there for us to play around, to have fun, to experiment with.

And with a great base like POM Wonderful juice, the canvas is wide and open to anything! I really, really like this stuff! I don’t like to drink it straight up because I’m not a huge juice fan, but I am loving how versatile it is in cooking!

Poor college students that we are, Mimi and I decide to cook instead of eat out. But just because we were saving up on cash doesn’t mean we had to save up on flavor! I had another great experiment with POM Wonderful juice, and this is the masterpiece I came up with!

Monte Cristo with POM-fruit compote

Monte Cristo:

• 4 slices Cinnamon-Raisin bread
• dijon mustard
• 6 slices smoked ham
• brie
• mixed greens
• 1 whole egg
• 1/4 cup egg whites
• milk
• vanilla
• cinnamon
• salt

POM-fruit compote:

• 1 peach, stoned and chopped
• 1/2 apple, chopped
• 1/4 cup raisins
• 1/2 bottle POM Wonderful juice
• honey
• drizzle balsamic vinegar
• water
• pinch dried rosemary, crushed
• grated lime zest

For the sandwich, just divide up the fillings between two slices of bread. Beat the egg, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt together. Dip the sandwiches into the egg-batter and let them soak up the liquid.

Meanwhile, heat up a small saucepan. Toss in all the fruits, juice, and honey. Drizzle in balsamic vinegar and honey to taste. Add a bit of water to thin it out if you like. Sprinkle in the rosemary.

Bring to a boil, then let simmer until thick and reduced. Grate in the lime zest, set aside.

Heat up a giant skillet. Spray it with vegetable oil, or use butter if you’ve got it. Place the sandwiches gently on top and cook both sides until nice and crispy, and the cheese inside is melted and gooey.

Serve each sandwich up topped with the POM-fruit compote.
Ooh la la~ Apparently the Monte Cristo was popularized in Southern California. How appropriate!
I think the pictures say it all. I’m sorry I didn’t take much pictures, but I was starving and this thing smelled so. freaking. good. And it tasted even better!
Perfect sweet and savory combo! The thick, melted, creamy brie cheese, the smokiness of the ham, the sweetness of the cinnamon-raisin bread, topped with the sweet-and-sour POM-fruit compote…Totally hit the spot!
In the words of Mimi: “Mmm! Mmm! MmmMmm…” And nothing else, because that just about sums it up, folks!

Note: To make the perfect french toast, do a mix of whole eggs and egg whites. The egg whites make it crispy, while the bit of yolk adds a touch of richness and creaminess and fluffiness. The best of both worlds!

Question of the day: What are some of the more “frivolous” things you care too much about? School? Other people’s opinions? Popularity? Your car? And even – gasp—food?

Randomness

Been working on three major essays and three news articles— So excuse me as I become totally random and incoherent in this post. My brain is fried and all I can think of is, weekend…my precioussss…weekend…

Anyway. Exciting news for tomorrow: My 24, 24, 24 proposal to Foodbuzz has been chosen for this month! So please be sure to tune in tomorrow…I assure you that it’s going to be a terrific experience, but I’m not going to reveal to you what it is exactly, yet…Okay, fine, one little hint: I will indeed be cooking…but not the way you’d imagine me to.

Another piece of random information: Sometimes, when you’re feeling stressed out, the most relieving form of entertainment can be spying on the Stats Counter of your blog. Especially the keywords people typed to randomly find your blog. Here are some that cracked me right up:

• “What I burp it smells like peanuts” (Yum)
• “Who is the girl who slurps yogurt” (ME!)
• “Looking for sugar mummy near UCLA” (DIE, dirty Bruins!!)
• “Girls pooping while doing nails” (what…the…hell?!)
• “Seduce him the French way” (Why not the Korean way?)
• “It is yellow” (You RACIST!)

Anyway. These are just a few of the crazy things people look up on when they have nothing else to do.

Oh, and now this may seem rather random too, but I promise you, you’ll understand why I included this when I post my 24, 24, 24 submission tomorrow: I’ve learned that when eating school campus food, stick to the fast-food chains.

I think I can be a food snob sometimes, but my dirty secret is that I do enjoy my fast food. Who doesn’t? It’s cheap, tasty, and full of MSG and crap. Yay!

I do wish my school offered better food besides fast food, though. A couple of days ago I went with a friend to dine at Galen Center, which is apparently one of the “better” dining options in USC, tailored specifically for hungry athletes. If you know the Trojans, they sure give their star athletes the special royalty treatment, so I had high hopes on the quality of food here.
Look, it’s even set up like a ESPN zone or something.

My friend Yoomi and I decided to order two different dishes and split it so that we can taste both dishes. Here’s what we ordered:
 Chicken salad with chipotle-ranch and avocado. Side of fresh fruit.
 BBQ chicken burger with fries.

Yuck. If this is how USC feeds its athletes, no wonder we lost the game last Saturday! (And don’t get me started on that, I thought the Trojans NEVER lost!!)
The chicken burger was tough, stringy, and dry. The fries were okay, but it’s hard to mess up on deep-fried potatoes.
The chicken salad sandwich? Honestly, I don’t even remember how it tastes like anymore; it was that forgettable. Totally, completely, eye-rollingly MEH. Tasteless. Boring. Total waste of my time and energy even to chew on this thing. It’s all digested and pooped out by now though, so I’ll forget about the blah experience.

So. From now on I’m just sticking to Carl’s Jr. Dear old Carl’s Jr. I never knew I would find you so endearing…
 Teriyaki Burger: Charbroiled 100% All-Beef Patty, Teriyaki Glaze, Grilled Dole® Pineapple, Two Slices of Swiss Cheese, Red Onion, Lettuce, Tomato and Mayonnaise on a Toasted Sesame Seed Bun.

And yet another Carl’s Jr burger…
 Jalapeño Burger: Charbroiled All-Beef Patty, Jalapeno Peppers, Pepperjack Cheese, Sliced Onion, Tomato, Lettuce and Santa Fe Sauce on a Toasted Sesame Seed Bun.

That one wasn’t as good, so the next time I stuck to the Teriyaki Burger again:
Yum. I’ve been craving burgers ever since I visited Umami Burger. Who knew I was such a carnivore? *Licks chops*

URGH! Gotta run. Late for class! But remember to check back here tomorrow for my recap on my 24, 24, 24 event! YAHOO!!

Question of the day: What’s your favorite fast food chain? Don’t say Subway, that’s cheating!

Just a Shadow

For those of you who have been reading since the start of this blog, or if you look at my About Me page, you’ll know that I started this blog as a sort of “treatment center” for me to fight my eating disorder…And for the past month or so, you might have noticed that I don’t really talk much about my eating disorder anymore.

Well, the simple truth is, I just don’t have much to say about it anymore. Why? Because it isn’t part of my life now. Take note that I am not saying I am completely healed. But it’s no longer dominant. There used to be a time when I would wake up feeling eating disordered, and go to sleep feeling eating disordered. The two letters ‘ED’ rang in my mind, poking me and taunting me in every single action and speech I made.

But now, I no longer care for it. Quite simply, I have many other things to think about that is much more significant and meaningful to me than my eating disorder.

Again, I am not saying that I am quitting, or that I am no longer fighting. The thing is, I don’t even have to fight or struggle that hard anymore. I just…simply don’t get all those irrational fears and anxieties anymore, and if they do come occasionally, it takes just a few shrugs to brush it off.

My dad once told me that one day, ED will be like a distant dream to me. At that moment, I felt my heart clench with longing and desire— I wanted that day to come so desperately, but I did not have any spark of hope that it will. And now…I believe I am very close. ED is but a shadow in my life. There are still remnants of it lingering from time to time, but the light inside of me is getting brighter and brighter, chasing the darkness away.

One key evidence is the ease with which I dine with others. Gone are the days when I would freak out over a social eating days in advance. Even if a social event is sprung upon me by surprise, I can comfortably abandon my plans and follow along.

Sunday was one example of that. After church service, a bunch of girls asked me out for lunch. I actually had something else in mind that day, but I said “yes” immediately, simply for the reason to socialize…like any normal person would!

And guess where we went?
 CURRY HOUSE in Little Tokyo! Remember that time I went there and had a divine lunch with my parents? I was so thrilled to be able to visit it again!

This time, I ordered the Chili Shrimp and Spinach Pasta:
 Shrimp, spinach and onion in spicy chili flavor with Spaghetti
Eee! Divine! I forgot to ask them to make it as spicy as possible though, so it certainly wasn’t hot enough for me. Thus I dunked tons of Tabasco sauce on top, shocking the hell out of my new church friends. Don’t mind me, just being Korean…

By the way, I think I found my church. I really enjoyed the Sunday’s message. I had goosebumps all over; the message was so powerful! Also, my new friends are pretty awesome! One of them also grew up in Singapore, and guess what? She whipped out her camera with me, too! How cool is that? A potential food-blogger, perhaps?

Anyway. There is another reason why I should hang out with them more. They have cars. Haha! We might be making a Trader Joe trip sometime, and of course downtown for more good eats!

Sadly, the food options in my own school’s campus seems to be limited without a car.

See, I’ve also been exploring other dining options in my campus with my friends. On Wednesday, my friend Yoomi called me out for lunch out of the blue, and we went to this on-campus cafe called Popovich.

Obviously, the Smoked Turkey Wrap caught my eye:
 Smoked turkey, orange-infused cream cheese, cranberry chutney, and spinach in a spinach wrap, done Panini-style. Side of pasta salad and pickle.
Orange-infused cream cheese? Cranberry chutney? How could I refuse?
Unfortunately, there was too much spinach and too little cheese and chutney. They were skimpy on the two most interesting ingredients, so this wrap turned out…quite unremarkable. Sad.
The pasta salad weren’t that great, either. Not a fan of cold pasta or dressing…

And all those people who have been telling me Parkside Dining hall is better than EVK? They were WRONG!
 Mimi and I met up yesterday afternoon for lunch at the dining hall next to my apartment.
It was the first time I was dining here, and I see I haven’t been missing much.

Parkside looks nice and polished, but I can’t say the same for their food:
 Turkey burger, Mango chicken, Indian-stewed vegetables, salad, fruit.
Blegh. The mango chicken had a great sauce, but the chicken was overcooked and tough. 
The turkey burger was completely inedible. I had to get another cheeseburger:
And this was almost as horrible. Dry, tasteless, bland. Even the cheese. I thought processed cheese was supposed to at least have some kind of taste with all the crap they put in there.
The stewed vegetables were all right, but too greasy and heavy.

To “get my money’s worth” from this completely unsatisfactory (and expensive for $10.25) lunch, I loaded up on two of these ice-cream cones:

Even the cones were tiny! Rip-offs! >:-(

I might have also snuck out with some fruits. ;-p

Ah, well. You can’t always have fabulous meals all the time. Too bad I have 49 more meals I’m forced to eat in Parkside. Boo.

Anyway, I’m glad it’s a weekend! Weekends didn’t mean anything to me before, but now it’s such a pleasure to have a couple of days off! I guess this goes to prove that we need a little tough moments (or bad food) in our life to make us appreciate the good moments (or yummy food)!

Question of the day: Why did you start your blog? Has the purpose/motivation for your blog changed over time?

P.S. Check out Mimi’s post on her revelation on calorie-counting and her recipe for her Hotshot Creamy Cuke Sammie!

Pampered

I just hung up after speaking with my parents, and here I am sitting on my new desk, sipping on a fresh-brewed cup of Vanilla-biscotti coffee, and relishing the first few moments of the start to my life as an independent college student…

My dad’s last “sermon” to me is still ringing clear in my mind: “Just be happy today, each day. Because whatever circumstances and situation you are in, it is the perfect moment God has arranged for you, and that moment will never come back. So just enjoy every single moment!”

And then he ended with the usual “I love you, call often, eat well, bye bye.”

I’ll miss my parents. I’ll miss them a freaking lot. But now is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and just like my dad said, I shall enjoy each and every single moment of it, the good and the bad.

The last four days with my parents have been amazing, though. My parents love my campus, and my new room, so much that for the past two nights we’ve just been cooking dinner in my apartment. Mostly oatmeal and eggs, because after all the fast food and heavy food both my parents and I start craving a good ol’ bowl of oats in the evening.

I feel rather bad, because for the past few days my parents have practically become my chauffeur and maid. I’ve been dragging them around the city everywhere to buy all my essentials and to stock up my kitchen, and spending so much money! Yesterday I wanted my parents to just go off by themselves to have their own little “vacation” but they refused and insisted on spending the whole day with me again. Awww…Of course I gladly accepted, because hey, I want to enjoy being pampered for as long as I can get!

So these are the places we’ve shopped in during the last couple of days:

• Korean supermarket
• Walmart
• Costco
• Trader Joe’s
• Whole Foods
• Japanese market
• Grand Central Market (DEFINITELY visiting again!)
• K-Mart (It SUCKS! NEVER go there ever ever ever!)
• Ross
• Dollar-Dollar Bargain Center

Phew! I’ve certainly been on a rapid shopping spree! But even now, my kitchen is still seriously under-stocked, and there’s still some supplies I need to get for my room. I had no idea there are so freaking many necessities one needs! Humans are fussy creatures!

My room is still unorganized, but I’ll update you with pictures once my roommate moves in (tomorrow) and we are both settled in.

So, what have we been eating to fuel up? Well, tons of fast food…But it’s been some great training for me…I sure can’t be a picky food snob anymore when I’m a poor college student! Besides…fast food is pretty damn tasty (Shh! Don’t tell anyone I said that)!

Anyway, the day before we finally managed to wake up early enough for some McDonald’s breakfast:
Sausage McMuffin with Egg. Too freaking yummy. Darn that MSG and artificial crap that makes food taste good!

For some reason I wasn’t craving pancakes that morning, so I had the McMuffin instead. But come afternoon, our minds were screaming heresy for not ordering the hotcakes in McDonald’s, so we had lunch at IHOP.

I ordered the Harvest Grains ‘N Nuts Pancakes Healthy Combo:
Pancakes made with hearty grains, wholesome oats, almonds, English walnuts, and blueberries. Topped with bananas. With 2 poached eggs.
This actually comes with scrambled eggs, but I substituted poached eggs because as you know, I love my runny yolks!
If you ever go to IHOP, GET THIS because it is freaking awesome! Drizzle on that syrup, and you’ve got one wholesome, sweet and savory meal!

But of course, we didn’t subsist only on chain restaurants. What is the fun of that? Knowing my obsession for European-Japanese cuisine, one of my dearest friends who is a former USC student recommended a little restaurant in Little Tokyo called Curry House:
It’s situated in Weller Court Shopping Centre, a little hub of Japanese stores. I let my parents take a look at the menu, and I swear I’ve never seen them so excited!
The place is really chic and modern with bright colors, and most of the servers were Japanese.

My dad, the ultimate seafood and pasta lover, of course ordered the Seafood & Wiener Jambalaya Style Curry:
Brimming with scallops, shrimp, squid, white fish, wiener & vegetables in a rich tomato stock. Made extra-extra-extra hot per request, of couse, and the rice was substituted with spaghetti.
Holy shit. It was SO freaking GOOD!!! For those of you who have never tried Japanese curry, it is a lot different from the Indian or Thai kind. Theirs is really thick, and more sweet than spicy. But this curry, though it retained the Japanese curry characteristics, was ramped up with Cajun spices. YUM holy YUM!

My mom took a long time deciding because she wanted everything (tsk, tsk) but finally she chose the Keema Curry:
Ground beef with onion, Shimeji mushroom, carrots, potatoes, garlic, red chili and soft-boiled egg. Served with brown rice.
I loved that they have brown rice options! This dish was really delicious too, though it was not as spicy and a tad bit sweeter than my dad’s dish. And I love how the Japanese like to top a lot of their dishes with a soft-boiled egg! Yum!

As for me, I went for something totally unexpected by ordered the Tarako Mayo:
Onions and Shimeji mushrooms with cod roe and mayonnaise sauce in spaghetti.
I’m not usually a big fan of mayonnaise, but Japanese mayo is just…fabulous. And the sauce in this was SO awesome! It was so rich and creamy, but not cloying at all because of the tang of the mayonnaise.
And LOVE the cod roe in there! It’s got a gritty texture, sort of like cornmeal for some crunch factor, but much softer, and when you bite into it, it releases sweet juices into your mouth and OH EM GI! You’ll have total gastronomic orgasm!
There was also a pot of some kind of red Japanese pickles which was sweet and crunchy and sour at the same time:
The three of us were greedy and actually finished the whole pot! Oops!

I was stuffed to the brim after finishing my dish (and stealing huge bites from my parents’ plates) because the serving size was way too generous, but we still ordered a dessert because nothing is better than Japanese desserts. We got the Sweet Potato Cake with Ice Cream:
If you’re wondering why it is yellow in color that’s because Japanese sweet potatoes aren’t orange. They’re yellow, and a million times superior in taste to the normal orange ones. They’ve got a deep, intense flavor, like roasted chestnuts.
The cake was actually more like a thick, dense, pureed sweet potato! I couldn’t taste the flour, and it was rich and creamy in my mouth. So good! The ice cream was just your basic vanilla. It was okay. Too sweet, in my opinion.

Oh, and did you know they also have another Curry House in that same shopping centre?
It’s a small To-Go place though, for those in a rush or for the cheapskates who don’t wanna pay tip (that might be me in the future).

I was ecstatic to find that there is a bus that comes here from my school. I shall most definitely visit again, preferably with friends!

Okay, one more thing I want to share and then I’ll shut up and be done. Anyone in LA been to the Grand Central Market?
Apparently it is LA’s largest and oldest open-air market. There are over 38 merchants selling all sorts of produce, delicacies, and unique specialty items…and the prices are SO cheap! A whole container of figs and strawberries for a freaking $1!! And grapes for 99 cents per 2 pounds! YAHOO!!
There were also lots of food vendors selling delicious-smelling foods like burritos, chicken rotisserie, frozen yogurt, Korean-Mexican fusion, Japanese teriyaki, overstuffed pupusas, etc…It was a pity I was too stuffed to eat anything, though I did consider getting the froyo. Well, there’s always a next time!

Okay, I’m running out of time…Gotta run again for Welcome Week stuff…My posts may be sporadic for a while, but I promise to return to blog as often as I can. I hope to be able to work out a schedule as I get adjusted to my weekly routine.

Till I return, please take care and remember to enjoy every moment of your life!

P.S. Take a look at this article on orthorexia…It’s scary.

Deliriously Happy and Full

Eee hee hee hee heeee~ Excuse me for sounding like a lecherous old toothless lady right now…I meant to come off as someone who is deliriously happy, madly stuffed, and freaking exhausted.  

As you can tell by now, it’s been a good day. In fact, I can’t think of a better way to have kicked off my first day as a (sort of) resident of LA. If only my brother were here! We could have been one big happy family, heavy with contentment and delicious food.

We’ve been up since 5 in the morning (eastern time), so if I start to spatter utter nonsense, blame it on my fatigue and sleepiness, but I just had to pop by to brag about my good day.

Anyway, apparently compared to my other friends, I’m a pretty light packer. All I had were three luggages: one part clothes, one part school supplies and toiletries, and one part— uh, “stuff” for the kitchen. Hey, I’m not gonna leave my precious spices and cooking appliances to rot at home!

Oh, and I also restricted myself to just two of my stuffed toys:

That’s my sleepy mom whom I forced to pose with my Pooh bear and my pink Piggy.

When we arrived at the LAX, it was only 9:30 am Pacific time, but 12:30 eastern time. We rushed to Advantage Rentals to pick up our new car which will serve us well for 4 days here:
It’s a Malibu. When I texted my brother and told me which car it was, he said, “Eew.” Hm, is it that bad? But then, my brother is a total car-snob. As for me, I don’t care what car it is as long as it gets me to my destination.

Anyway, it was way past our lunchtime by the time we picked up our car, and we were famished. We dragged ourselves to our hotel, checked in, and debated where to dine. And here’s when I decided to be “generous” and allowed my dad to choose the venue. And of course, he had to choose Chinese…my least favorite cuisine in the world.

But I remembered that one of the resolutions I made to myself was to be at peace and to have victories especially in regards to my control over food, so I decided to start the first meal with a total victory by relegating the control over to majority’s wishes.

Since we were in Koreatown, it wasn’t hard to find the first Chinese restaurant:
Translated: New Beijing. Hmm. Sketchy name. As luck will have it, this place turned out to be a Korean-style Chinese restaurant. Thank goodness! They even served us ban chan (small plates in Korean) like kimchi!
My dad ordered his favorite, the Seafood JJam bong:
 Noodles in spicy seafood broth with three kinds of seafood

My mom and I shared the Seafood Jja Jang Myeon:
That’s the noodles…
And then the sauce…Mix it altogether…
 Noodles in sautéed black soybean sauce with three kinds of seafood. I know these noodles look gross, but it’s actually pretty good! The noodle was hand-cut and cooked perfectly. All three of us had fun slurping up a storm together!

We also shared a plate of boiled meat dumplings, though I ended up eating most of it:
After that, I took my parents on a tour around the USC campus:
I thought I would get lost, but turns out I can be a pretty good guide! We walked round the whole campus, and in the middle of it of course I guided them to my favorite spot of the campus:
 Red Mango! It’s the first time they had frozen yogurt, and they loved it just as much as me!

But the best part was just…showing my parents the place in which I would spend 4 years of my life growing, learning, and enjoying. It made my heart throb with pride to see them beam with pride, as they strolled around like they owned the place because their daughter will be attending this school!
 And hee, I had to add this picture…I thought it was so cute that they walk around holding hands!

When we were done with the tour, we were starving again. It must be the lack of sleep, but our appetites were really raging. I did a bit of research this time, and took them to this small restaurant called The Panini Grill by the Miracle Mile:
Guess what I liked most about this place? The bright lights! Total stroke of luck!

The waiter served us hot grilled bread sprinkled with Parmesan cheese as soon as we sat down:
 Ooh! I can’t believe they actually served free bread with real, fresh grated Parm! It would have been better if they used a bit more butter or olive oil, though.
My dad ordered the Linguini with Clam:
 Linguini with clams in spicy marinara sauce
  I asked for extra spicy, and boy did they add the red pepper by handfuls. But it was just perfect for us! The noodles were peeeerrrrrrrfect! It was cooked just al dente, with that delicious little bite to it. Love noodles with substance!

I ordered for my mom the Chicken Explosiva:
 Chicken breast marinated in chipotle sauce with sautéed mushrooms, onions, roma tomato, avocado and provolone cheese in ciabatta. Side of fresh fruits.
 This was awesome! Loved the spicy sauce, and the addition of sautéed mushrooms really jazzed it up! It was aptly named, too, because this sandwich was exploding in size and flavor!

For myself, I ordered the Prosciutto Melone:
 Thinly sliced prosciutto with fresh melon, arugula and brie in wheat bread. Side of salad.
 Ack. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed…I was imagining a HUGE hunk of melted brie cheese, but there was just a tiny sliver hidden underneath the arugula…
But the melon saved the day! I had never had melon warm before, but now I don’t think there’s any way better to enjoy a melon than warm and grilled!

Now, it’s barely 11pm here, but it’s way past 1am for me, and I’ve really gotta sleep. So ta-ta till next time!

It’s Everybody’s Battle

I’m not in a really chipper mood right now. I should be, especially since today was supposed to be our last family outing…but what should have been a fun and pleasant time together turned out rather awful, and it has left something sour and distasteful inside of me like the lingering residue of expired milk.

Our plan was to go out to eat, and take a walk by Accotink Park. I was really excited, because just exactly one week from today I would be leaving for college, and it would be a long time until the four of us were together as one family again.

My parents wanted Italian, so we first set out for Panache Restaurant, but it was closed due to a power outage. So we went to a nearby restaurant in Tysons Mall called Brio’s Tuscan Grille.
I asked for someplace with good lighting and we ended up being squeezed into a 2-persons table at the terrace. All for the sake of good pictures! My poor parents were befuddled as to why we were seated in such a teensy-weensy space, but I decided to keep quiet. Hee. xp

The waiter served us warm flatbread and Italian bread:
The flatbread was awesome! Crunchy like a cracker, and seasoned with all sorts of lovely spices and seeds. Yummy!

It took us awhile especially since my parents couldn’t really understand the menu, but I figured out what they wanted (seafood and spaghetti) and ordered for them.

My mother ordered the lunch special, Shrimp Scampi with Angel Hair:
 Gulf shrimp with garlic, cherry tomatoes, white wine and toasted pine nut crumbs

My dad ordered the Pasta Fra Diavolo:
Spaghetti and shrimp tossed with a spicy tomato cream sauce and green onions
Good, but not the best I’ve tasted. The sauce could have been tangier and less creamy.

My brother ordered the Shrimp & Scallop Risotto, except he substituted the Arborio rice for spaghetti:
Gulf shrimp and petite bay scallops with grilled leeks, roasted garlic, tender eggplant, basil and a zesty tomato parmesan cream sauce.
Again, it was okay, but rather bland. Probably because he substituted spaghetti for the rice. Who does that?

I considered the gnocchi, but then ordered the Fire Roasted Tomato & Chicken Risotto:
Risotto with toasted garlic, grilled asparagus, Reggaino cheese, thyme and crispy prosciutto
Everything was good, but not great. They were just so-so. I actually liked mine the best. The chicken was extremely tender, and the sauce was quite flavorful. I’ve never tried prosciutto before, but it tasted basically like really salty bacon.
The risotto broth was great, but not so the actual rice. I think I’ll take gnocchi over risotto any day! Well, at least I tried something new!

After that we were off to take a walk. Well, just as we were about to head off to the trail my dad tripped and sprained his ankle. It wasn’t a nasty sprain, but he definitely was not in the condition to walk 3 miles.

Now this is the point where things started to go downhill. My parents started talking about weight issues again. How I needed to gain faster, faster, faster or I might not be able to handle college life. They started talking in freaking detail how there might be a repeat episode of me being sent home from college because of my health: What if they called me for a check-up and decided I was too thin? What if they sent me back and insisted on going through a treatment program like they did in Northwestern? What if I lost weight in college?

Well, that just ruined the whole mood for me. Why are they talking about such negative and upsetting stuff during our last family time together? I got so frustrated and furious because I thought we were beyond that already. I thought…well, I wished…that we could finally spend quality family time together without a single mention or reference to my eating disorder. All these years I’ve felt horrible for my family. Because of this horrid ED, every trip we’ve made had a nasty stink, a black stain marked by my fears and anxieties towards food and mealtimes. A lot of times, it would end up with me crying, my parents worried and upset, and my brother silent and sullen.

I admit, I am not 100% recovered. I admit, I still have some pounds to gain. But I’m no longer the same person I was before. I don’t freak out over mealtimes or “fear foods” anymore. I don’t count calories. I don’t obsessively plan my meals. I don’t pretend to eat but sneak food into my napkin, I don’t panic and slip into the bathroom to puke the little contents I ate out. How much more do I have to proof that I am trying the best I can?

Oh, I know. It’s that weight issue looming again. For God’s sake, I absolutely detest being judged and defined by my weight. Why do I have to be a certain number of pounds to prove that I am fighting? And why must there be a certain number of pounds I should be gaining at a set amount of time, like I’m some kind of laboratory rat?

But yes, weight is a critical issue in my recovery. And though it irks me, I do have to work harder. I already eat way more than a normal person, but then weight gain isn’t such a breeze, as many (ahem, my parents) think it is.

Anyway, such were the thoughts and emotions that ran through my mind this afternoon. While my dad sat by himself with his sprained ankle, my mother and brother and I went for a shorter walk by ourselves. I was sort of glad of the shorter walk, because it was freaking HOT!!! Seriously, just standing out for a few minutes made me break out into sweat. No wonder we were all in such a lousy mood.

Well, after the brief walk we set off to cool ourselves and my temper. We went to Morning of Paris, a Korean bakery to order our favorite summertime treat ever:
 Korean Shaved Ice! Or Patbingsoo!

Except my brother and I’s were topped with an extra big fat dollop of vanilla frozen yogurt:
So. Freaking. Good. With that rich flavor of vanilla and the tanginess of good yogurt, sitting on top of sweetened red beans, glutinous rice cakes, fruits, and crunchy cereal flakes.
We ate in silence to enjoy our mid-day treat, and also because sometimes silence is the best remedy to a conflict. Words just hurt a lot at times.

I can’t say I am feeling much better right now. I’ve been typing this with tears running continuously down my cheeks, feeling mad at my parents, yet guilty because I know I am not gaining weight as fast as I promised them I would. Deep down I know they speak out of love and concern for me, but I also struggle with my own hurt and frustrations of being misunderstood.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and— hey, presto, I’m 10 lbs heavier! But this is a battle I need to fight, each step, each day at a time. I just wish…I wish it was nobody’s battle but mine. It sucks that it has to affect all my loved ones, too.

Sorry, little bro. I thought we could have one last moment together without my ED history rearing its ugly head, but…I suppose we all need a bit more time.

Holes

You know, there is something very particular about us humans: We’re never satisfied. As kids, there’s always a bigger, better toy. As teenagers, we want better grades, cooler gadgets, finer clothes. As adults, it gets even more complicated. We not only want better and more material possessions, but better jobs, relationships, lifestyles…well, you name it.

I’ve always used to feel like I have a hole inside of me. I was always striving for something, be it a good grade, or a thinner body, but each time I got to the goal I want, the temporary joy I achieved was short-lasting. Nothing seemed enough, nothing seemed to be able to fill up that emptiness in me.

Now, I’m starting to realize that true contentment doesn’t come from the outside. It starts from the inside. You know that inner peace that those weird meditating Zen people preach about? Well, I’m not sure if it comes from sitting in a Buddha-position and humming “ohmmm” for hours. But I can testify that it comes when you deeply discover the pure, unrefined love of God.

Right now, I feel like I’m relearning and rediscovering the intricate wonders and power of God’s amazing love. The fact that He so unconditionally and faithfully manifests His love to me through every single detail in my life, and every single creation in this world fascinates and moves me to tears. With the love of the Creator God, what more do I want? With the power and riches of the omnipotent God, what more do I need?

Suddenly, a lot of things I cared obsessively about just seems so trivial and meaningless now. I can honestly say that finally, I have found something that will fill up that hole inside of me permanently and eternally.

But when it comes to holes in pancakes…there’s also just one perfect item to fill them up. Can you guess? Why, it’s eggs, of course! Preferably one with a wobbly yolk!

After making that ratatouille from the last post, I still had half an eggplant left to use up. I decided to make pancakes, because obviously eggplants are best made into pancakes. Obviously. But with the addition of kabocha, obviously it’s just gonna get better. And with a runny egg in the middle of it, obviously it’s just gonna turn out perfect. Yes, obviously.

Egg-in-the-Hole
Egg in a Kabocha-Eggplant Pancake

• 1 tsp olive oil
• 1/2 eggplant, diced
• 1/2 large onion, diced
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• Mexican chili powder
• cumin powder
• Tabasco chipotle pepper sauce
• salt and pepper
• about 1 cup kabocha puree
• flour
• cornmeal
• 2 large eggs
• grated Parmesan cheese

First heat up the oil in a pan. Toss in the eggplant and onion and garlic, sautee over medium heat until soft and mashable. Season with spice, Tabasco, and seasonings to taste.
Put the eggplant-onion mixture into a large bowl with the kabocha:
Mix and mash in 1 egg, and enough flour/cornmeal to make a mixture dry enough to form with hands.
Take about a cup worth of batter and flatten it out onto an greased frying pan. Make a hole in the middle and crack the other egg into it. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese:
Heat it up on top of a medium-heat stove until the bottom is set, then pop it into a 300 degree Fahrenheit oven until the egg white is opaque and cooked through. Serve immediately.
Now doesn’t that pancake look so happy and contented now? An egg is the perfect thing to fill up its emptiness indeed!
You can’t see it, but there were beautiful steam rising as I shot these pictures…enough to make my mouth water and my hands tremble!
Ooh…Gotta love Parmesan! Unfortunately I was a bit sparse with the cheese because I wasn’t sure how well it’d go with the pancake, but turns out it was absolutely perfect. Duh.
The flavor? Freaking amazing. Who knew kabocha and eggplant go so well together? But then, doesn’t kabocha go well with practically anything?
The spices were right on too! Sort of a Indian-ish flavor, but in the form of brunch!
The neat thing about having an egg with a runny yolk in the middle is that you just eat around it. Stab into a bit of the pancake, then dip into the yolk. Repeat, repeat, until all you’ve got left is the single golden yolk.
I had some batter left over, which I formed into smaller patties, and rolled in Parmesan.
Then I cooked it over a skillet.
They were nice, but I much preferred the baked version.
Oh, and what is life without a bit of sweetness in it?
Yes, cupcakes! Specifically: Strawberry cupcakes with strawberry cream cheese frosting adorned with a single blueberry.. Recipe from the awesome cupcake cookbook that Heather of Girlichef awarded me from her Cupcake Giveaway!
I baked these for my youth group whom I was teaching Sunday school today, and they lapped them up!
I myself put two of these cupcakes to test. One to see if it tasted good, and the other to make sure it really did taste just as good as the first one. Verdict: Both freaking good! And I should know, I double-checked The best thing about these cupcakes were that they were slightly tart and full of real strawberries. Not cloyingly-sweet at all!
I did a messy job with the frosting, but cupcakes are forgiving in that they still manage to stay photogenic! Oh, lovely little creatures! Thanks, Heather! This won’t be the last of the cupcakes I’ll be whipping up, I promise you!

Question of the Day: If you’re worried that I’ll be asking you something profound like “Do you feel empty inside” or “What fills you up”, you needn’t worry (Unless you really wanna talk about such things). Today’s question is easy-peasy. What is your favorite kind of pancakes?