The Way I Want It To Be

Sigh. Okay. I lied. Turns out WordPress is still being a freaking bitch. For some reason my local connection is rejecting anything that has to do with WordPress. That means I can’t read my own blog, or other WordPress blogs, or comment on any blogs under my WordPress domain. I’m trying not to pull my hair out in frustration. I’ve only just managed to grow new hair. I don’t wanna be bald again. But if I ever become bald…WordPress, you’re paying for a new wig. >:-(

Anyway. Life has been pretty frustrating. Things just aren’t going my way. Don’t you hate that? I think every. single. thing should go exactly according to the way I plan and want and need it to be. Don’t you agree?

Since the local connection in my room has had a lovers’ hissy-fit with WordPress, I’ve been parking my pancake-ass in my school dining hall. In fact, I’m sitting in the middle of the dining hall right now, using my school’s wireless connection to finally access my way into WordPress.

Here’s the thing: I’m paying $11 each time to sit here, drink lukewarm coffee, and use the internet. The least the school should allow me to do is “borrow” some fruits and salad bar ingredients to cook a decent meal back in my room. 

But noooo…I got a stern ultimatum from one of the workers: I cannot take any food out of the dining hall, or I’ll get into “trouble”. As if being forced into a pricey partial meal plan isn’t troublesome enough, despite the fact that I’ve got a kitchen and two good hands to cook.

As I said, things aren’t working the way I want it to be.

Add to that the fact that I completely forgot to do a final project for my history class. How the hell did that happen? I don’t know…it just slipped out of my mind. I finished my final essay a few days early, so I think I relaxed a bit too much. To think I was chuckling cheekily to myself and watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s (thanks for the rec, Christina!), while my fellow classmates stayed up all night trying to finish their essays. Guess the last laugh is on me.

Yup, things really ain’t working the way I plan it to be.

Worse. I miss my parents. I used to call them whenever I got bored, or was feeling down. Listening to their warm and loving voices always cheered me up and left me feeling warm and toasty. But as I mentioned before, they are in freaking China. And having too much fun with their mission work to send me a measly “Hi how are you doing” email.

Did I mention that things aren’t working the way I need it to be?

So when things are a big fat mess, what do you eat? A big fat mess, of course:

It’s black. It looks like a soup made out of charcoal. But this time, this dark glob of mess is exactly the way I wanted it to be. Ah, the irony. I love it.

My mom used to make this for me in the colder weather. She loved it when I asked for it, because I never ever ask her to make anything else for me. When I called a month ago and told her I missed her black sesame seed porridge, she sent me a bag of black sesame seeds and a recipe:
Since most of you can’t read it, I’ll translate it for  you…

Mom’s Black Sesame Seed Porridge

• 1/2 cup raw black sesame seeds
• 1/2 cup uncooked white rice
• water
• salt
• milk (I used a mixture of almond and coconut milk)
• sweetener

Rinse both the sesame seeds and the rice. Soak rice in clean water in a bowl. Set aside for at least 30 minutes.
Meanwhile, toast up the black sesame seeds until nice and fragrant:
  The seeds may start popping. It’s okay. It’s supposed to. Please don’t start screaming bloody murder. You’ll make a bloody fool out of yourself.

Pour the soaked rice and seeds into a blender, together with the water that the rice was soaked in:
Blend for a few minutes.
Pour in a bit more water, and then blend until smooth:
Boil up a bit of water in a pot, and then dump the pureed mixture into the pot. Bring to a boil, and add more water as necessary. Stir constantly, be careful not to burn it:
Cook until the mixture comes to a thick, gooey, smooth paste:
Season with salt. Store it in a container and in the fridge, where the stuff will become thick and goopy, like black clay:
Don’t let a single drop go to waste. This is precious stuff! After scraping down the pot, lick every bit remaining on the spoon: 
To serve, mix about equal amount of the porridge with milk, heat it up, stirring constantly, and then sweeten to taste. Drizzle with coconut milk, and then serve with fresh bread for dipping:
Oh my homemade goodness. Gosh, it smells and tastes like home. Just what the doctor ordered.
The black sesame seeds are imported from Korea. This is the legit, expensive stuff. Please, no “Made-in-China” crap (Sorry, China). Genuine Korean sesame seeds is the way to go!
Really, I can’t give you a definite measurement of how much water, milk, or sweetener to use. It all depends on your own likings. Some people like it thicker, some people like it sweeter. So just make it the way you want it!
It’s been a whole day since I ate this, and my room still smells wonderful…
Can you see the little grains of sesame seeds in there? This stuff is black gold, baby! It’s so freaking good for you. Apparently, it helps you retain your youth. An elixir of youth!
Oh, and this porridge is not complete unless you’ve got some bread to dip in…
Now, do yourself a favor and go make this dish. It’s rather exotic, with a real toasty intense flavor…the only word I can think of is: Exquisite. Mmmm…

Question of the day: What do you do when things aren’t going the way you want it to be?

I throw a hissy-fit, and then I eat something good.

Somewhere There is a Rainbow

It’s been four days. Four days of frowning, grumbling, moping, and sulking. Thank you all for sticking with me through my thunder-cloud days. I don’t even think I could have been so patient with myself.

God wasn’t as patient though. He kind of slapped me over the head and said, “Okay. That’s enough. Don’t you think you’ve had enough of this self-pity party? Time to get up and stop making a fool of yourself.”

I whined. He insisted, “Talk to me.” I resisted. And then, finally, I did. And He made me see the rainbow in all this bullahoo.

I think throughout the previous four days, my perception had been seriously clouded by a thunderstorm of my own impulsive, raw emotions. I was battered by my own hail-like emotions, but I lacked the wisdom to find shelter. Such emotions are inevitable and unavoidable, as is nature, but I did not have to stand out in the open to let myself drown in that stormy rain of negative emotions. I could have sought solace. I could have sought warmth and comfort.

I admit, I was being masochistic. There is something sickly satisfying and pleasing about self-victimization. It’s equivalent to getting wounded in a battle—you turn that scar into a self-glorifying trophy in order to forget about how much it actually hurt, and also to turn the situation around and not come out as the pathetic loser.

Thus, I purposely rejected human contact. I purposely avoided God. And now, tail between my legs, I have returned to His arms, wet and chilled to the bones by that storm, but with a lesson well-learned: When there’s a storm, rush inside your freaking house. And to me, my home abides in God.

Have I sorted out my emotions yet? Nope, it’s still raining outside. But they no longer hurt or pain me as much. And as time goes by, I’m sure it will abate even more. In the meantime, I need to seek warmth, fill myself with good, hot food, and view the storm outside with objectivity, wisdom, empathy, and understanding.

One thing that God has touched into my heart: every single soul I have met was placed into my life by Him.

Even a stranger whom I greeted in the metro, or the classmate I never talk to in History class…they were all put there for a reason by God. What more, then, my close friend of 10 whole years? Was it not God who arranged our meeting? And if it was God who arranged it…is it not a blessed relationship, no matter what rocky times there might be?

Thus I’ve made another conclusion: Our relationship is blessed. I might be bulleted with misunderstandings and hurt and anger right now, but ultimately, if I truly and sincerely believe that our meeting is blessed, and trust in God to lead the path, then I am sure to gain something positive from our relationship.

So what am I going to do specifically right now? I’m still not sure. But I am waiting. I am pretty sure she knows that I found out, so I will let her seek me with her explanation (because I am too proud to make the first move).

And I will listen, and I will try to understand. With God’s ability to grant me love and understanding, I believe we can fix something out. Even if we don’t, and even if she doesn’t try to explain, she and I once had a fun and pleasant relationship, and that itself is already a blessing.

So there you go. God’s little rainbow for me. For every storm, there has to be a rainbow, if you search hard enough. And guess what? I found one in my lunch bowl too!

Rainbow “Mix-it-up” Bowl

The base:

• one cup Trader Joe’s Freekeh (provided by Christina!)

The “mix-in”s:

• ground turkey
• 1/4 small onion
• 1/4 small bell pepper
• sliced radicchio (red cabbage)
• kale
• handful grapes
• handful raisins
• 1/2 orange, chopped

Coconut-Orange Marinade:

• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• juice of half an orange
• 1/4 cup POM juice
• 1/4 cup coconut milk
• balsamic vinegar (to taste)
• salt and pepper (to taste)

Toppings:

• handful feta cheese
• shredded basil leaves

First, make the dressing/marinade by mixing everything together. Taste it and if it isn’t sour enough, add some vinegar. Or if it isn’t sweet enough for you, add some sugar or honey.

Next, stir-fry the ground turkey with the onion and bell pepper. Dump in the marinade, and add the radicchio and kale and grapes. Stir and heat until cooked through.

Once the cabbage is cooked, stir in the freekeh with the raisins and orange. Grind in more black pepper to season if you like.

Dish it out, and top with feta cheese and basil leaves.
Now, I don’t think it’s necessary to explain why it’s called Rainbow! Ain’t the colors gorgeous?
Honestly, it’s exactly how a “mix-it-up” bowl should be: totally random ingredients. Just a slip-slap of whatever ingredients you’ve got in the fridge.
But it turned out utterly delicious! I really, really really love freekeh…that stuff is so delightfully chewy! I’ve only got about 2 tablespoons left…So sad.
It’s amazing what coconut milk can do to a dish. Just a couple tablespoons, and you’ve already got a really lovely taste, and an invisible creaminess to the dish.
It’s not everyday I eat something so colorful, so I took lots of pictures. I’m not trying to be annoying, tee hee hee!
Ah! One last more! One big mouthful!

Oh, by the way, a little angel reminded me that I have so many more precious relationships across the country…
 Biz sent me a mighty sweet package!
Asian snacks! I love! Hello Panda! Hello Kitty! Why do they all start with hello? Hello hello haarrrlooow~
More great ingredients to experiment with! Korean BBQ sauce, Soul Food seasoning, and Panko!
And something to encourage more delicious slurping!

Whoa hahahaha! It feels great to smile and laugh! I know I’ve been acting like a major whiner with chronic PMS lately, and I want to thank you all for enduring the past two negative posts. I really, really appreciate your amazing and wise advice and comforting words. You guys…seriously rock my socks!

Question of the day: Let’s all just share one relationship you are thankful for…it can be something really random too.

I’m thankful for the traffic lady who is always reading her bible in the morning before she monitors the traffic and who always says a cheerful “Good morning” to me as I run past her, late for class! It just puts me in a sweeter mood for some reason.

“I’ll have the 1135 kcal dish, please!”

Lots of pictures today, so I shall try to cut the crap and get right down to the chase…but I just have to mention this ONE thing:

I am an idiot. Okay, you all already know that, but here’s yet another concrete proof: Last night, my prayer group and I went out to Cheesecake Factory for dinner to celebrate one of the group member, Mark’s, birthday. I wanted to read about reviews on that place, so I looked up on Foodbuzz for restaurant reviews…and one of the reviews that came up contained the entire nutritional facts of Cheesecake Factory.

Yeah, I should have totally walked away. But curiosity got the better of me. I clicked on the site, and scanned through the calorie quantity in each dish. Holy shit. Every dish, besides the Weight Management menu, was 800 kcal and above. And the dish that I was planning to order, the Cuban Sandwich, was a whooping 1135 kcal. What. The. ???!!!

Ever heard of “curiosity killed the cat”? This little tidbit of nutritional info totally killed my gung-ho attitude towards eating out. It killed all appetite in me, period. What to do? We already decided on the restaurant and everything, and this was going to be a birthday dinner celebration. There was no way I could back down now…And I’d sworn to myself never ever to order salads in a restaurant until I reached my target weight, so taking a safe option was out for me.

There was nothing I could do, but to suck it up and just…face it. It was a complete “in-your-face” moment.
I should have poked my eyes out. Why the hell did I have to look at the nutritional information?

As I ordered my dish, I almost blurted out, “May I have the 1135 kcal dish?” That number was ringing in my head the whole time, and I had to really struggle to eat it…
Hello, 1135 kcal. I chickened out a bit and ordered broccoli as the side, so now it’s probably like 800 kcal. But still, the fear remained in me. I wanted to knock myself against the head for being so stupid as to look up on details I totally didn’t need to know.

Cuban Sandwich: Slow-Roasted Pork, Ham, Swiss Cheese, Pickles and Mustard on a Grilled and Pressed Cuban-Style Roll

It was delicious. Way too delicious for me to skimp. The roll was really buttery, and the thick slather of full-fat mayonnaise freaked me out a bit, and grease dripped down my fingers, but I managed to eat everything up, and even helped my friends finish theirs:

The Club: Freshly Roasted Turkey Breast, Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato and Mayonnaise Served on White Toast with French Fries

Pasta Da Vinci: Sauteed Chicken, Mushrooms, Onions and Garlic in a Delicious Madeira Wine Sauce Tossed with Penne Pasta and Parmesan

Pasta Carbonara: Spaghettini Tossed with Smoked Bacon, Sweet Green Peas and a Light Garlic-Parmesan Cream Sauce with Chicken
Shrimp and Chicken Gumbo: Shrimp, Chicken, Andouille Sausage, Tomatoes, Peppers, Onions and Garlic Simmered in a Spicy Cajun Style Broth with Cream. Topped with Steamed White Rice

This one was my other favorite. I stole big spoonfuls of this.

Fresh Fish Tacos: Three Soft Corn Tortillas Filled with Fresh Grilled Fish, Spicy Avocado Cream and a Spicy Citrus Salsa. Served with Black Beans, Rice and Guacamole (I helped with one piece of taco, but seriously…don’t order this unless you like bland food)

And strawberry cheesecake, decorated with a special greeting for the birthday boy:
Please excuse the horrible pictures. I really did not want to use flash, but the restaurant was so freaking dark! Grr…I hate restaurants with low light settings…Apparently it’s supposed to give off a romantic mood? Romantic my ass! I want romance with my food, and how can I appreciate the full beauty of my food if I can’t even see it?

Anyway. I digress. I shall rant about the horrible restaurant lightings in another post. Today, it’s all about food, especially because I’ve been cooking and baking some mighty fine stuff. Check this out:

Do you know what this is? If you shouted out “Taro root”, give yourself a huge clap on the back! Taro is my favorite root vegetable besides kabocha. It has this gorgeous, purplish-flecked flesh and is really, really starchy. It tastes slightly nutty, with a hint of floral sweetness that is really subtle yet intriguing.

Of course, I had to use this to make yet another “mix-it-up” bowl:

Coconut-orange Taro Stir-fry with Crushed Peanuts

The base:

• Taro, steamed then pan-fried (instructions and pictures below

The “mix-ins”:

• 2 large shitake mushrooms, chopped
• handful of soybean sprouts
• smaller handful of shredded red cabbage

The dressing:

• 1/4 small onion, minced
• 1/4 cup crushed peanuts
• spoonful dried unsweetened coconut
• pinch of chili powder and flakes (as much/little as you wish)
• ~1 tsp fish sauce
• ~2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1/2 cup coconut milk
• 1/4 cup fresh-squeezed orange juice
• salt and pepper

The toppings:

• chopped green onions
• 1/4 cup crushed peanuts
• orange segments
• sprinkle dried coconut

For the taro:
 1) Steam

2) Pan-fry, set aside. Easy, peasy.

For the dressing:

Heat up some oil on skillet. Toss in the onion, peanuts, stir until soft and fragrant. Toss in the coconut until toasted, then sprinkle in the chili powder and flakes.
Pour in the fish sauce, soy sauce, and coconut milk, and let simmer until thickened. Squeeze in the orange juice. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Altogether:

When the dressing is done, leave the heat on, and throw in all the “mix-in” ingredients. Cook until soft and fragrant, then toss in the taro to cook. Remove from heat onto a serving dish, then sprinkle on the toppings. Decorate with the orange segments. Conclusion:

I know I say this all the time, but this is seriously my best “mix-it-up” bowl yet…I’m certain!

Every mouthful was a burst of fresh flavors: The nutty peanuts (duh), the fragrance from the coconut milk, the citrus splash from the orange, the kick from the chili powder, the carbiliciousness of the taro…
I loved, loved, loved the crunchy bites of peanuts in every forkful.

And how could I have neglected soybean sprouts for so long? It used to be the only vegetable I’d eat as a kid. I need to create more dishes with these wonderful, crunchy, noodle-like sprouts. Yum~ 

What? More pictures of this tantalizing dish? Your wish is my command…

But wait! That’s not all! Guess what I baked today!

Mini Chocolate Chip Butter Bites!

When I saw this recipe on Donna from My Tasty Treasure’s blog, I knew I had to make these…I really needed to use up the much-neglected bag of mini chocolate chips, and the amazing, mouth-watering pictures on Donna’s blog sealed the decision.

Not only was it all cute and snowy, it was truly delicious. A bit too sweet for my taste, but I knew my youth group would love it. I decided to pack half of it up for my dear student Jennifer, who let me borrow her glasses for a week while my eyes were still healing from the freak accident at the church retreat.

Look, I even packed her glasses into a small gift bag!

The recipe for these delicious buttery cookies can be found here.

Phew! Did I get everything?

• Did I mention that I am a retard? Check.
• Did I rant about the stupid restaurants with dark lights? Check.
• Did I brag about my genius taro dish? Check.
• Did I show off how sweet I am to bake for my youth group? Check.
• Did I give credit to dear Donna for her fabulous recipe? Check.

Sorry, I’m all over the place at the moment. But thanks for bearing with me and still reading! >___<

Question of the day: What is your opinion about restaurants posting their nutritional information on the menus? Do you look up on nutritional stats beforehand?

P.S. Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your prayers. Lee Mama had a successful surgery. The surgery was tough and took much longer than expected, but she’s fine now. My parents went to visit her and came back marveling about her high spirits and her courage. Thank the Lord for the sweet woman’s strength! She is my role model for the kind of granny I wanna be…A kick-ass granny!

You Just Can’t Compare

“She has a smaller waist than me.” 
“He has a nice car than me.”
“She has better grades than me.”
“Her skin is so much better than mine…”

Does this sound familiar? Just think about it…How many times have you compared yourself to others today?

Comparison…It seems like such a harmless, human thing to do. Everyone compares. But unfortunately, not many people seem to realize how dangerous and destructive comparing can be. In fact, one of the biggest contribution to my anorexia was comparison.

Why do we feel the need to compare? I have often asked myself this, torn apart by guilt and self-loathing as I looked at others, even my closest friends, with deep envy and resentment. Why can’t I be satisfied with myself? Why can’t I be happy for others for their good qualities? Why can’t I just be at peace with the way I am?

While rummaging through my old things today, I’ve come across some of my old diaries from when I was in middle and high school. God,  I was so tempted to bake them in the oven to a crisp! All the ridiculously childish, envious thoughts I harbored within me! All the self-criticism and rivalry! I wanted to crawl under my bed in shame.

But I couldn’t help mulling over this. Am I still like this? Am I still wading in these waves of constant jealousy and comparison? And the sad answer was: YES. I still critique myself frequently, especially when I see someone better than me. The worst thing is that the comparison is mostly with people who are close to me.

But whenever I pray to God about this, He reminds me one thing: You are precious in my eyes. You are uniquely and individually made under my wisdom and eternal purpose.

This gives me enormous comfort. It reminds me that not one person is alike. We’re all uniquely and personally created, with our own special background, circumstances, situations, personalities, and appearances. We can’t all have a body like Jessica Alba’s, a brain like Einstein’s, or a voice like Mariah Carey’s. We can’t all be amazing musicians, artists, or dancers. We can’t all be rich, charming, and powerful.

We just can’t have it all. But we do have our own preciously unique selves to serve our very own special purpose in this world. Which is again why there is simply no way we can compare to each other. We’re all precious in our own ways.

In fact, my father always told me, “Don’t compare. Instead, give thanks for other people’s better points. Because what we lack, others will fill up, and vice versa. That’s how we balance each other out, and keep this world interesting.”

Speaking of balancing each other…you all already know I love my flavor combinations. One thing I learned about cooking is that in order to make a great dish, you need to know how to balance out the five fundamental flavors: Sweet, spicy, sour, salty, and bitter.

I really can’t compare which flavors I like best…each one is so different from the other, and sticking to one flavor in a dish would be too extreme and cloying…but they complement each other so well!

Anyway, today’s dish was a real hit with the balance of flavors. I really think curries are just one of the most complex and intriguing dishes in the world. Get the components right, and you’ve got yourself one heck of an amazing meal.

Mango Chicken Curry

• 1 small onion, chopped
• small peeled ginger root, about 1/4 inch, minced
• 1 medium cloves garlic, chopped
• 1/2 mango, diced
• 1 medium tomato, chopped
• canola oil
• 1 tablespoon curry powder 
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon garam masala
• 1/4 cup salsa (I used the mild Tostitos brand)
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 cup chicken broth 
• salt and pepper
• 1 large boneless, skinless chicken breast halve, chopped
• 1 link andouille sausage, sliced
• about 5 pieces dates, sliced
• 1/3 cup unsweetened desiccated coconut   

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until softened. Add the spices. Cook, stirring once or twice, until fragrant. Add the ginger and garlic and cook until fragrant.

Add the mango pieces and tomato to the skillet and stir to incorporate. Then pour in the broth with the salsa and lemon juice. Increase the heat to medium-high to bring just to a boil, then reduce the heat to medium-low. Cover and let simmer until thickened a bit. Season to taste.

Add the chicken pieces, sausages and dates and stir to coat them evenly. Cover and cook again, stirring occasionally, then toss in the coconut. Continue to cook until chicken is cooked through and all the flavors are absorbed. Top with a bit of extra coconut. Not the prettiest, but oh-so-good!!

The sweetness from the mangoes and dates, the spice and bitterness from the spices and sausage, the sour from the lemon juice…Oh my, what a hit, a very palatable hit!

So beautifully well-balanced! Funny how today’s dish somehow linked itself to today’s post topic. I should just become a food philosopher. Is there such thing as a food philosopher?

I don’t know whether this would go under Indian or Thai. What do you think?

Oh, and guess what arrived in my mail today…

A little parcel sent by an angel!! My dear friend Natalie from Singapore sent a little present from her trip to Melaka, Malaysia…

I tore the parcel open to find a little red container and a Melaka postcard…And being foodies, of course it’s gonna be food, oh glorious food!

Traveled safe and sound from half-way across the world! Two cookies, one filled with peanut, the other with taro. And three mochis! Little adorable glutinous rice cakes, each with a different filling of sweet black rice, red bean, and black sesame! Nat, are you a mind-reader? How did you know I adore these things?

I tore into one right away…

And then another…

And yet another…!

They were so reminiscent of those lovely Asian snacks I loved as a kid. I love these things because they’re so light yet satisfying, sort of savory, with just the right amount of sweetness.

My brother got mad-jealous, so I reluctantly gave up one of the rice cakes to him. I’ve got just one more precious mochi left, and I’m gonna do my best to let it last a little longer. Thank you so freaking much, Nat! I burp my thanks to you! ~burp~

And that’s not all! Boy oh boy, aren’t we full of nice surprises today? Catherine from The Unconfidential Cook and Claudia from Journey of an Italian Cook passed me this heart-warming award:

Thank you, Catherine and Claudia! I am so honored and pleased to be remembered by you!

I have actually already received this award and have passed it down to other bloggers before, so this time round, I would like to pass it to my faithful and amazing non-blogging blog-readers…namely: Nanete, Alda, Catherine, Adrienne, Smita, and Wen Xiu! Thank you, guys, for your kind words and support! And my most sincere thanks to any more “shy readers” out there who have not made known to me!

Question of the day: Do you find yourself comparing yourself with others? What qualities of others do you usually envy the most?

Proud to be a PK

Guess what? My parents just left…for a three and a half weeks mission trip to China and Southeast Asia! How sad…just a week after I returned, they’ve got to leave. So now I’m home alone with my brother.

Some people ask me what it’s like to be a PK (pastor’s kid). I always reply, “I’m freaking proud to be a PK and I wouldn’t change it for anything.” And that’s the God-honest truth.

But I won’t lie. There are definitely plenty of downs to being a PK. First of all, I get cast into the spotlight, whether I want it or not. Not only does my father use me in his testimonies and analogies during his sermons, but everybody’s eyes are on me. Sometimes I feel an uncomfortable pressure to live up to people’s expectations. And I’m deathly scared of being a humiliation to my father’s ministry.

I had the worst time at first when I got diagnosed with anorexia. Immediately I was the talk of the church. While the majority of the people in church embraced me, supported me, and prayed for me, there were still a few who put me on the chopping block. They used my ED as a reason to criticize my father and doubt God. How can a pastor’s daughter have anorexia? The pastor must have sinned. The pastor must repent. What kind of God is this? And one or two people even left church because of me.

But still my parents persisted. They entrusted me fully to God, never gave up on me, but instead kept on speaking openly about me. They declared to everyone, even while I was struggling deeply in my ED, that I would recover with the strength and power of God. That God has a plan and purpose for my ED.

Still, at times the criticism would be so severe that my mother came back from church with red eyes and stained cheeks. She tried to hide her tears from me, but I knew about her pain and anguish.

Yet…they fought on. They continued with their ministry, never ceased caring for all the people in church, and even forgave those who prosecuted us. When someone in church got sick, they rushed out immediately to visit. When someone called at 3am in the morning depressed and crying, they answered and comforted the person for hours on the phone. They didn’t waste their time fretting and worrying and getting depressed about me, but instead turned their energy and passion on the church and mission works.

And God favored their endurance and devotion…I can feel His healing hands on me. I am recovering bit by bit daily, and it’s all thanks to my parents’ rock-hard faith in me and God. I truly have the most freaking amazing and incredible parents.

I’m so proud to be a PK, because I can boast that my parents devote all their time and energy on saving lives, not just their physical bodies and mental health, but their everlasting souls. I’m so fortunate to be a PK, because from young I’ve observed my parents’ passion and love for other people firsthand, and by watching their lifestyles and ministries, I have formed a detailed and intricate image of the kind of person I want to be.

My parents are out there in the mission field helping and healing people right now, and I shall do my own part of healing myself here at home. I’ve promised them to gain at least another 5lbs by the time they get back, and may God give me the strength and motivation to achieve this goal! I want my parents to be proud of me in return!

So, here’s the first meal I had by myself while my parents are on their mission trip:

Sweet and Spicy Flatbread Pizza

Base: 1/2 cup roasted and mashed kabocha squash spread all over a whole-wheat flatbread
Toppings: 1 link of spicy andouille sausage, 1/4 cup red and yellow bell peppers, 1/4 cup sliced red onion, 1/3 cup 4-cheese Mexican blend, 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese

Yum, yum, yummmm~

I really, really love having the kabocha squash as the base instead of the usual boring tomato sauce. It adds such a warm, natural sweetness to the pizza.

The contrast between the spiciness of the andouille sausage played extremely well with the crunchy sweetness of the bell peppers.

And what’s a pizza without all that melted cheese? Though I think it would have been better with a bit more cheese…:-(

Come evening, I was feeling a bit lonely…my brother was out the entire day, and I was home all alone. So I decided to comfort myself by cooking up a huge batch of chili. I couldn’t be bothered searching up for recipes, so with a “what the heck” attitude, I just threw anything that caught my fancy into the pot. Thus, I’m calling it the “What the heck” Chili.

“What the Heck” Chili

• garlic
• onions (both yellow and red)
• green bell pepper
• celery
• carrots
• beef broth
• red kidney beans
• black turtle beans
• black-eyed peas
• unsweetened dried coconut
• tomatoes
• tomato sauce
• roasted kabocha squash
• cocoa powder
• cumin powder
• Mexican chili powder
• cinnamon
• maple syrup
• bay leaf
• almond milk

Hell yeah! What a truck-load of random ingredients. I didn’t give the measurements because I just grabbed and threw anything and everything into the pot. I put the “weird” ingredients in bold.

It definitely tasted really complex! But in a good way. There was that smoky, spicy taste in the foreground, but also a hint of sweetness from the squash, maple syrup, coconut and almond milk that served only the accent and balance the richness of the chili.

The coconut and cocoa in there definitely made it smell gorgeous!

It definitely warmed me from the toes up to the heart

Question of the day: What do your parents do for a living? Have their occupation influenced your careers or ambitions in any way?

I kicked Eighteen Chefs’ ass

Yup, I did it. I totally kicked ass today. Eighteen Chefs has got nothing on me.

For those of you confused, no, I did not literally kick the asses of eighteen chefs. I wouldn’t have survived to type this post if I did. Nope, the Eighteen Chefs is a restaurant where I had a fantastic cheese-baked rice with creamy mango sauce, which I moaned about here.

Remember the amazing, unique creamy mango sauce that I promised to recreate? I finally made my own version today, and let me tell you with the utmost humility: It totally rocked ten times better than the one in Eighteen Chefs.

My sauce tasted a bit different, but I’m glad because it was that. freaking. good. And because I love you all so much, and because I’m really a generous soul, I shall share my recipe with you.

                            Sophia’s kick-ass Cheesy-mango sauce

• 1/4 cup coconut milk
• 1/4 cup diced extra-ripe mango
• 1/4 cup mozzarella cheese
• 2 tablespoons plain yogurt
• 1/4 tsp ground turmeric
• salt and pepper to taste

I first heated up the milk and the mango together over low heat. Please don’t faint yet already at this first procedure. The fragrance of the coconut milk and mango cooking together is mind-boggling, but get a hold of yourself! The best has yet to come!

When the mango sort of broke down into the liquid, I removed it from the heat and stirred in the mozzarella cheese, yogurt, turmeric, and seasonings. It becomes this gooey, sticky thick cream, with a beautiful orange hue:

DO NOT GULP IT DOWN. You need it in this “mix-it-up” bowl:

                    Coconut-crusted Pilaf with Cheesy-Mango Sauce

The base: 1 cup cooked pearl barley, 1/2 cup chopped roasted winter squash and 1/4 cup black beans

The mix-ins: 1/4 cup chopped red onions, 1 large clove minced garlic

The dressing: Cheesy-mango sauce (recipe above)

The topping: 1/4 cup fresh grated coconut and 1 tablespoonful Parmesan cheese

As usual, I sautéed the onions and garlic, then tossed in the base ingredients. Once the pilaf was heated through, I turned off the heat and then mixed in the dressing. Then I ladled the whole thing into ceramic bowl:

Then I topped it off with the coconut and Parmesan cheese, popped it into a 375 degree oven for about 15-20 minutes, until the top was nice and golden-toasted like this:
Okay, you can swoon now. 

It smelled like a tropical paradise with the coconut and the mango, and the crust was just fantastic. The bit of Parmesan cheese kicked a punch to the otherwise rich coconut crust, and it was almost like a savory dessert topping.
 
And the lovely contents inside…Each scoop was just beautiful and delicious.
 
I chose Mozzarella for the cheese for its mild taste, so that the mango flavor will shine through, and it did, just perfectly without being too sweet.
 
The turmeric added just the right amount of spice to counteract the natural sweetness of the dish, and gave it a nice yellowish color, too.

If I’m going to have to rate this dish, I would give it a 9.9/10. And I’m leaving out the 0.1 just to keep up the pretense of being modest. Don’t just sit there and drool and be envious, go try this out for yourself! I promise you won’t be disappointed.

And now here’s something for laughs:

One of the reasons I love WordPress is because it lets me view the terms people typed into the search engine to find my blog. I’m always tickled by what search words people entered to get to my blog. Here are just a couple of the funny ones:

"Why fat girls burp”
"i burp loud”

And then the rather disgusting ones:

“white noodles in my poo”
”plump burping girls porno”

Goodness. I had no idea there were actually someone who gets sexually aroused by burping plump girls. And white noodles in poo? Talk about totally inappropriate and unappetizing for a food blog!

Anyway, hope I didn’t gross you out too much. Scroll back up to envision the nice coconut-crusted pilaf just above if you feel a little puke in your mouth.

Question of the day: An online friend Nanete once asked me if there were any fruits or vegetables I disliked. I know most of you are healthy eaters and love your fruits and veggies, but is there any you particularly dislike?

For me, I hate cooked carrots. Love them raw, but can’t stand them soft and mushy. Erk. On the other hand, I don’t like bananas, unless they are cooked. I also dislike cantaloupes, melons, and honey dews.  I find them cloyingly sweet. But otherwise, I love most fruits and vegetables.

Kitchen Therapy

A lot of people misunderstand that anorexia is all about the fear of food. The definition of that term “anorexia” itself is misleading: Loss of appetite.

Loss of appetite? Hah! Hardly. People with anorexia are usually like starving vultures; food is all they can think about. But yet they take pleasure in the gnawing hunger, the empty feeling inside of them, and the feel pride and triumph in the fact that they are able to restrain themselves from eating. It gives them a false sense of control.

There are a lot of things that categorizes as anorexic, and one main common characteristic that we share is the obsessive need to control. We love setting strict rules and regulations for ourselves. We draw up rigid regimens, and thrive in the satisfaction of following each and every single step that we laid out for ourselves.

I’m still struggling with this aspect of my eating disorder. The thought of doing something spontaneous, going with the flow, and following other people’s plans freaks me out. All hell breaks loose when things don’t go the way I planned. Why does it matter so much to me? Honestly, I have no idea. I know I’m not going to die if I do something totally unplanned and out of the ordinary. But it sure does feel that way to me.

Which is why cooking is so therapeutic to me. It is the one place I seem to easily let go, to relax and throw all rules and directions into the air. You might have noticed that I rarely refer to recipes and almost never follow the ones I do in my cooking. Instead, I let my creative juices flow, and just throw and mix things together simply by my imagination and basic common sense.

And I have a lot of fun doing it. It’s almost nostalgic in a way, because ever since young, I have always been the free-spirited, rebellious girl who loved her freedom and hated all rules and control. I was the one who never liked to follow directions, I was the one who was always dreaming and dreaming, so much that I got rapped several times on the head by teachers to “stop building castles in the air.” Thus the kitchen is the one place where my true inner self immerges fully.

It wasn’t always this way, to be honest. I never used to cook. I only started…when I started this blog! Before then, I stuck stubbornly to pre-packaged foods, those that had the exact nutritional facts stamped on them so that I knew exactly how many calories, how many grams of carbs, protein, fat, fiber, etc went into my mouth.

What a dreadful, restricting, and confining way to live! I am so blessed and thankful that writing this blog has motivated me to step out of that little prison. Ironically, I first began to learn to give up the compulsive anxiety over having control in the kitchen, the place I feared the most.

I’ve been meaning to share this little testimony of mine for awhile, and today finally seemed like the right time. I made black bean soup, but once again neglected the directions. I did skim through a few recipes for the basic idea on how to make it, though. Then as I was making it, my mind wandered off thinking, “Hey, what about if I add this? And maybe do it this way? And that?” Anyway, here’s my “recipe”, the result of random bursts of inspirations and itchy fingers:

                            Pumpkin-Cocoa Black Bean Soup

• 1 cup black beans
• 1 small tomato, chopped
• 1/2 red onion, minced
• 1 large clove garlic, minced
• 1/3 cup roasted pumpkin, mashed
• 1/2~1 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup almond milk
• 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon cumin powder
• squirt of lime juice
• dash of cinnamon
• salt and pepper to taste

I first put aside about 2 tablespoons of black beans, then coarsely blended the remaining black beans and tomato together. Then I sautéed the red onion and garlic in a saucepan, then added the pumpkin, broth, and milk into it. When the pumpkin sort of disintegrated into the liquids, I mixed in the blended black bean/tomato mixture, then stirred in the cocoa, cumin, and other seasonings.  Finally, I dumped the leftover 2 tablespoons black beans into it.

This made about 2 servings, and I ladled one serving for myself into a bowl and topped it with a dollop of yogurt and my cilantro-coconut spread:

And that’s not all! I also made:

                                Coconut-crusted French Toast

• 2 tablespoons milk
• 1 small egg
• dash on cinnamon
• pinch salt
• 1 slice whole wheat bread
• about 2~3 tablespoons fresh grated coconut

I first mixed the milk, egg, cinnamon and salt together. Then I soaked the bread into the wet mixture. Once the bread absorbed all the wetness, I dredged it with coconut all over. Cook in a skillet as you would any french toast (but preferably at a low heat so as not to burn the coconut), and voila~!

Lovely, no? Here’s my lunch altogether:

The soup was reeeeaaaally thick, almost like a paste. But I loved it that way, it seems so much more substantial that way.

This cilantro-coconut spread really works wonders into any dish. It was the perfect bright complement to the smokey, spicy soup!

Such a combination of great flavors…the hint of sweetness from the pumpkin and tomato, the richness of the cocoa, the zest from the lime juice, the hint of spice from the cumin and cinnamon, the creaminess from the almond milk…

The coconut french toast was just as amazing. I cut them up into little squares so it was easy to pop into my mouth:

I drizzled a tiny bit of maple syrup on top, but I hardly needed it because of the natural sweetness from the fresh toasted coconut.

 

And here’s a little secret: It’s the first time I’m trying black bean soup! Shocking, right? Blame it on ED who convinced me that black bean soup was too calorific. So I have no idea how to compare mine to a “real” black bean soup, but I can’t wait to try the black bean soup in Panera once I return to America. I heard it was amazing!

Oops, I’m running out of time; I have to get to church for Discipleship training. Hope you all have a good one, and thanks for reading! The mere thought that people will actually read what I write motivates me even more to step out of my ED comfort zone. You guys are my saviors! Thank you~~

Oh, and question of the day: I know a lot of you are shaking your head incredulously that I’m having a lot of “firsts” with all these familiar dishes such as Mac & cheese, pasta carbonara, Shepherd’s pie, etc. But do you have any classic dishes that you have not tried yet?

Next on the list for me: Enchiladas, fajitas, gyros, spanakopita, pot roast, jambalaya, Philly cheesesteak…Wow. I am a total virgin to a lot of things. Seems like I’ve got a lot to chew on!

Humbled by Pineapple

Hey guys, thanks for answering my questions on meal replacement and nutrition bars on my last post. They were very informative, and now that I have both sides of the story, I feel more confident in being able to set a firm opinion on this topic. I definitely would much rather had “real food” for snacks, but I realized that these bars can actually be more practical and useful than “real food” as a quick pre-workout snack, as they do stick lighter on the stomach. But that also goes to prove that they’re not as substantial and satisfying as a real, wholesome food.

Anyway, back to me. Heh.

When I was young, I was a very stubborn, very stupid kid. One of the obvious proof: I absolutely hated fruits. The only kind of fruits I ever ate were durians (which actually really is a meal in itself) and watermelon. All other kinds, I abhorred with every fiber of my little being.

I don’t think I hated fruits for its taste, because I can’t get enough of fruits now. I just never gave them a chance. Why? Well, first of all, they were healthy and nutritious, and of course in every kid’s mind, healthy and nutritious = disgusting and detestable. Also, my mother kept nagging me to eat them, and even tried to force-feed me those “little nasties for grannies.” In my childish mind, I thought only grannies should eat fruits because that’s when you start worrying about your health and how long  you can delay inevitable old age and death. And I was a rebellious kid. The more my mother begged me to eat fruits, the more I developed an aversion to them. I know, I was an evil, intolerable little terror.

One of my least favorite fruits, however, was anything citrus. Oranges, grapefruits, pineapple. I loathed them all, and could not appreciate its soury-puckery-sweetness or its zesty juiciness.

Then one day, my parents and I were out having dinner at a local food court (at that time we were still living in Singapore). I, of course, happily dived into my adult-sized Western meal of fish and chips, licking my grease-smeared fingers.

But then…my parents’ meal arrived: Pineapple fried rice. In a halved-and-scooped pineapple. With the golden, fragrant contents still sizzling inside. With a generous topping of fresh coconut and crispy fried onions and pork floss and fresh chopped cilantro.

My eyes buggered. And suddenly the deep-fried potatoes in my mouth lost all taste and appeal. My mouth watered, but not for fish and chips. God-damned, they looked like dog food (which they are) compared to my parents’’ dish from heaven!!!

My mother noticed me staring, and she asked me if I wanted a taste. I immediately shook my head, with no better reason except that I was supposed to hate pineapples. No, I shall stay strong, I shall resist! I shall not be tempted by the evil Pineapple Seductress!

Poor, obstinate, foolish little Sophia. She picked mournfully at her half-eaten fish and chips, losing all appetite for them. She peeked longingly at the quickly dwindling Pineapple fried rice as her parents devoured it with gusto. They liked it so much, they ordered another one. Talk about double torture!

But! God was kind. My parents’ appetite was bigger than their stomach so they could not finish the second round of Pineapple fried rice. As the whole family got up and my parents turned to leave, I secretly and swiftly scooped a huge spoonful of it into my mouth.

And Lord Almighty…it was Pineapple heaven in my mouth. Never again did I disdain pineapples. When my mother put pineapple in front of me, I gobbled them up. This was probably the first lesson I had as a child in admitting my mistakes and being humble. I was humbled by the pineapple.

Anyway, as you’ve probably deduced already, today’s lunch was inspired by Pineapple fried rice. It’s been a while since I last had a “Mix-it-up” bowl, and I missed it. Here’s how I made today’s “mix-it-up” bowl:

Pineapple Fried Pilaf

The base: 1 cup cooked pearl barley, 1/4 cup black beans and 1/2 cup chopped roasted winter squash

The mix-ins: 1/4 cup chopped green bell pepper, shitake mushrooms, 1 whole egg, 1/4 cup chopped pineapples, 1/4 cup raisins, 1 chopped seeded bird’s eye red chili

The dressing: mixture of 1/2 tablespoon fish sauce, 1/2 tablespoon soy sauce, 1/2 teaspoon curry powder, 1/2 teaspoon turmeric powder

The topping: tablespoonful of fresh grated coconut, sprinkle of chopped green onions and a spritz of lime

I first sautéed garlic and onions as I always do, but this time with the chili. Then tossed in the rest of the mix-ins except the egg. When everything was cooked and fragrant I cracked in the egg and broke it up. Next went in the base ingredients and the dressing. Stir-fry until heated through, dish it up with the toppings and mmmmmm~!

I relished each and every bite.

Obviously not as impressive as eating out of half a shelled pineapple, but every bit as delicious, in my opinion.

I loved all the different mix-ins in there, especially the juicy bursts of pineapple and the chewy plump raisins.

The only complaint is that my egg was lost in the mixture. I guess I broke them up a bit too much. Next time, I shall cook the eggs separately and mix them into the dish at the very end.

But still a lovely, wonderful dish. Thank God I humbled myself and gave pineapple a chance.

I also wanted to share this little snack with you as I know most of you love soy products. I used to really like these things in Korea, where they sell interesting flavors like pumpkin and sweet potato and black sesame, and was excited to find a similar kind here in Singapore:

It’s a dessert beancurd (a soft, silky version of tofu). They were on sale at my local grocery store, so I bought two flavors: mango and almond. I tried the mango first.

The verdict? Horrible. They were just way too sweet for me. All I could taste was the saccharine, overwhelming sweetness. I forced myself to eat half and then just had to toss it away. I still have the almond flavored one in the fridge, but asked Liwen if she could eat it for me, as she likes sweeter things than I do.

In place of that disgusting snack, I had another of my leftover meat “muffins”. Yum-o! Guess I’m a more savory person?

All right, I’ve gotta hurry to church for Discipleship training. I hope all of  you have a good one, and here’s today’s question of the day: Did you love healthy foods like fruits and vegetables when you were a kid? Or only “grew” to like them as you got older? (Like me)

A Savory Alternative to Bars

I was full of squeaks and exclamations as I read your comments on my last post about the Golden Pillow. It’s a good thing nobody heard me muttering and squealing to myself,  “I know, right?” and “Exactly my point!” and “Whoa hahahaha!” and “Aaawww…” and “Hear, hear!”

To summarize it up: Thank God, praise Jesus I wasn’t the only one freaked out by that Golden Pillow! I was relieved to see you agreeing with me that it was definitely not appealing. I’m glad, because seriously I seemed to be the only aware of how utterly grease-laden that dinner was. Everybody one else tucked happily away.

And I absolutely just laughed out loud at Cacti Don’t Cry’s remark: “I probably would have run away screaming.” Trust me, I wanted to! But I doubt nobody would have noticed anyway, what with their total attention on the food, and there is just no point in throwing a big fuss if there isn’t anyone to notice…

Haha. So. I think God took pity on me, because he gave me another day off from challenging foods. I was supposed to eat out with Jingwen yesterday, but at the last minute she couldn’t make it so I was by my own for lunch. It was so last notice, though, so I did not have the time to go grocery shopping, and my fridge was still quite empty after the last clear-out of leftovers. Well, I wasn’t complaining because that meant it was oatmeal time again!

The same thing as before, my favorite way to cook oatmeal:

A bit more than 1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup pumpkin, cinnamon, maple syrup,  vanilla, fresh grated coconut.

On the side I had eggs again, but tried a new technique:

Sushi-style, with toasted nori. This was just a simple flat, plain 2-egg omelete. As the top was barely set I laid a piece of nori on top, then rolled it up.

Cute, but dry. I ended up having to dip them in ketchup:

It’s an interesting concept though, so I’ll be experimenting more with this in the future. Stay tuned, and I’ll be happy to receive any suggestions and ideas on this!

Well, since yesterday was a relaxed, lazy day, I wanted to once again flex my culinary muscles in the kitchen today. There was a pack of frozen ground pork lying in the freezer for quite some time now, so I decided to use that up for lunch today.

Now the idea for today’s lunch stemmed from a conversation I had with a reader via email about nutrition/ meal replacement bars. I noticed that there is this big craze for bars in the blogging world, particularly Cliff, Luna, and Lara bars. Now I’m not judging or disapproving the use of bars in any way, but this is just my own personal take on these bars:

I try to avoid bars. Call me a snob, but I try to stay as close to whole, natural foods as possible. I know Lara bars are made of minimal, bare natural ingredients, but the idea of food being ground and compressed, packed into a plastic package, and kept on shelves for months just does not appeal to me. Also, they remind me of my ED days when I would have them as replacements for meals. The fact that they came perfectly portioned with the exact nutritional information stamped on them made them a “safe” food for me, so I would substitute them for real foods.

But! To each their own. I know most of you are not like me, substituting these bars for whole meals. I agree they are great for a fast, portable snack when you have a busy schedule and just can’t fix up a more time-consuming snack. Also, these bars keep well and yes, some of them taste pretty good (I would really like to try the WCMN Luna bar myself once I return to the States).

Still, I figured it would be nice to offer another alternative to these bars. A fast, portable, delicious snack/meal replacement that has all the components and satiety of a home-cooked meal, and not just as a boring sandwich either. One negative thing about these bars (to me, anyway) is that they’re all based off dessert flavors! You’ve never seen a pizza-flavored or a salad-flavored bar, have  you?

Anyway, I thought, what brings forth a warm, comforting, home-style meal more than the good ol’ meatloaf and potatoes? I chose this classic dish for my inspiration, and came up with…

                           Meat and Potato “Muffins”

Meatloaf “Muffins”

• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 small red onion, chopped and diced
• 1/4 cup green bell pepper, diced
• 1/2 lb ground pork
• 1/3 cup black beans
• 1/3 cup homemade whole wheat bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup homemade BBQ sauce (directions here)
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• salt and pepper
  

I first stir-fried the garlic, onion, and pepper in a skillet until soft, then dumped them into a big bowl with all the other ingredients and mixed them together. Then I stuffed a hefty portion into the muffin tins, and topped them off with some ketchup.

Potato “Muffins”

• 3 cooked, golden potatoes
• equal amount of roasted winter squash
• 1/4 cup plain yogurt
• 1/3 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• splash of almond milk
• salt and pepper
• sprinkle of cinnamon

After the potatoes are cooked and cooled, I thinly sliced them with the winter squash. I first put a base of parchment paper in the muffin pan; as this being an experiment, I was not sure if the potatoes would hold its shape as a muffin. Then I layered the potato and winter squash into the muffin pan, seasoning them with salt and pepper as I went. I topped each “muffin” with a dollop of yogurt, dribbled some almond milk over, and sprinkled the cheese and cinnamon over.

I baked both the meat and potato “muffins” in the same muffin pan, as they both took roughly the same time to cook and in the same temperature: about 400 Fahrenheit, 30-35 minutes.

I could barely wait for them to cook, and was so excited as I finally pulled them out of the oven:

I tell you, just the sight of that melted, toasted cheese fires up my drooling cues. The warm, glorious aroma didn’t help, either. Mmm~!

I was super pleased to see that my potato “muffins” held its shape pretty well! But next time I might add a beaten egg to bind them more firmly together.

I ladled some out for myself, and had to control my urge to pop one straight into my mouth before I took these lovely photographs:
 

These were so delicious, I felt even more confident that I just had to promote them in my blog.

The meat “muffins” were firm and plump and extremely juicy. The BBQ sauce and cumin made the overall taste zesty, bright, and neatly spiced. I loved the extra texture the black beans provided. The ketchup on top caramelized into a wonderful glaze and kept the meat from getting dry in the oven.

I guess you can call these potato “muffins” a mini-potato gratin. They were all together both crunchy and soft, with that faint tang from the yogurt. And who can resist the golden, toasted, cheesy topping!

Hell yeah. I’d take a couple of these over any bar. Even the WCMN Luna bar which I am dying to try.

I did a rough calculation, and the meat “muffins” come up to about 200-250 kcal a piece (I made four dense ones out of the above ingredients), and the potato “muffins” about 150 kcal per piece (out of four). One of these meat “muffins” and two of the potato “muffins” should make a quick, portable meal-on-the-go, and just one meat “muffin” would make a very substantial snack.

And FYI, these were just as delicious cooled and at room temperature. I popped another meat “muffin” into my mouth as part of my afternoon snack.

Obviously, I’m not asking you to give up your lovely Lara/Luna/Cliff/Pure/whatever bars. But do give these a try! They are seriously delicious, and I’ll bet you’ll save tons of money, as those bars can get pretty expensive!

So, in lieu of today’s topic, here’s today’s question of the day: Do you rely on bars as snacks or meals? When, and what type of bars do you like? What is your personal opinion on them? Feel free to bash mine if you like, I’d be interested in hearing a different voice.

Heavy and Greasy as a Golden Pillow

As promised…a report on last night’s “scary” dinner with my church youth group!

As always, turns out the dinner was not as scary as I imagined it to be. Once again, I let my fears and anxieties run rampant even before I faced my challenges. I always seem to work myself up and waste lots of precious energy and emotion for nothing.

But that doesn’t mean that the dinner was not a challenge. Oh, no. In fact, it was entirely made out of “bad” foods. The kind of food that will send nutritionists and dieticians into a coma.

That said, dinner was very, very interesting. You’ll see why in a minute, but first let me tantalize you with these two words: Golden Pillow… What do you think that means? I’m giving you time to imagine…

—————–*Are you imagining what it is right now?*——————–

When my friend informed me that she was ordering Golden Pillow for dinner, I immediately felt a wave of relief— I thought it was going to be a rather “safe” food. I mean, what do you think of with the word “pillow”? Something light, airy, and fluffy, right? I was imagining some kind of soufflé or something. That, I could handle. I smiled to myself.

And then my smile froze up when my friend sent me the link to the Golden Pillow catering site and I realized just exactly what it was. Light and airy? Diet-safe food? No freaking way.

Golden Pillow was chicken curry encased in a big white bun. What’s so bad about chicken curry,  you ask? Well, you’ve never tried the chicken curry here in Singapore. It’s not the kind you get in an Indian or Thai restaurant, where the curry is relatively healthy, with minimal oil and healthy fats from coconut milk.

Nope, the chicken curry in Singapore is thick with carb-laden gravy and swimming in red oil. Not the healthy oil like olive or canola, either, but the cheap kind with ridiculous amount of trans fat. Sometimes I wonder if these people don’t have a death wish.

But! I have to give credit to the interesting idea of baking chicken curry in a bun. I snapped some pictures to illustrate…

So here’s this big fat golden bun, roughly twice the size of my head (I stuck my head beside it to compare):
You tear into it and find this little baby parcel:

You twist it open…

And reveal the “golden” contents…

Golden and glistening from high-cholesterol and heart attack-inducing GREASE, that is.

A closer look into the contents…

Lots of pieces of dark chicken meat and a few potatoes as the “vegetable” serving of the day…

Nary a green leaf in sight. A doctor’s worst nightmare (Or any health-conscious person’s).

And that’s not all. When my Singaporean friends decide to go all out, they go all out.

Not being satisfied with this bazillion-calorie Golden Pillow, they ordered another one…Here’s the box “containing” the second one (Already empty):

…and more heart-killing goodies…

…and three more large pizzas. With very interesting names.

Here’s the Sunshine Fantasy:

“Chicken bacon, sausage, sliced boiled eggs and mayonnaise.”

And the Four Seasons:

“Artichoke, chicken ham, green peppers, black olives, mushrooms.”

Last but not least, the Spicy Macho:

“Spicy sauce, ground beef, red chili, onion, pineapple, oregano.”

I’m curious. Which of you are saying “WOW! YUM!” and which of you are saying “EEYUCK!” I’ll bet you have both voices screaming in  your ear. I did. I was really freaked out by all the grease and the refined carbs, but fascinated by all the interesting flavors and concepts. 

Anyway, I did the best I could. I had a slice from all three pizzas.

The Sunshine Fantasy was the best. It was really, really good, in fact. I loved the egg baked into it, and the little bursts of tangy mayonnaise in each bite. I don’t think I’ve ever come across this pizza topping in America before, but I’m ringing up Papa Johns and Pizza Hut with a new pizza proposal when I return.

The Spicy Macho was basically chili on a pizza. It had just the right amount of spice, but I could only manage half a slice of this. It was just way too greasy and meaty!

The Four Seasons was just blah. Actually, it was the least popular. The Sunshine Fantasy was gone before I could help myself to a second piece, but we had half of the Four Seasons left. I blame the suspiciously neon pink “ham” and the severe lack of artichokes.  And apparently Singaporeans hate olives.

Now, I know all of you are curious about the Golden Pillow, and I’m sorry to disappoint you that it was not up to par. And it wasn’t just me, everyone else thought it just wasn’t up to standards. It was good, but it could have been better. The curry was too watery, too oily, and a tad bit too sweet. I ate some just to face up to my fears and challenge myself by dipping my pizza into the gravy and eating about two pieces of chicken, but otherwise I was not very impressed with it. What a shame, as it was supposed to be the highlight of the dinner.

With all these meat and grease, I thought it would be a very good idea to bring some veggies…

In the form of a carrot cake.

Hey, at least we got our servings of vegetables! This was the moistest, most delicious cake, and filled with raisins, almonds, pineapple, and coconut. Looks boring, but a bite of this will make you think you’ve died and gone to heaven. (Aren’t I just so modest?) In fact, vegetables have never been so popular with my meat-loving friends.

Overall, dinner was quite good. I would much rather have enjoyed the food I prepare for myself, but this meal was less about the food and more about the social time we had together. Also, it was the first time my friend Jingwen joined our church youth group (after lots of persuasion), so that made the night a very happy night for me.

On to lunch today. I was expecting to have lunch out with Liwen and Wengang per our weekly arrangement, but at the last minute lunch plans were canceled. So lunch was on my own.

Unfortunately as I had not been expecting to cook and I had just recently cleared the fridge of all leftovers (with yesterday’s yummy Super-decker omelet that you’ve got to check out), so I was left with little options. Thus, I resorted to my ultimate comfort food: oatmeal.

Pumpkin oatmeal, to be exact.

With cinnamon, a swirl of maple syrup, and a sprinkle of fresh grated coconut.

On the side for protein I had two sunny-side eggs with a small dollop of my cilantro-coconut spread:

Mmm…Simple, fuss-free, and satisfying…

Of course my yolks have to be all golden and runny. That’s the only way to eat yolks.

Well, that’s it for the day. Thank you for all your well wishes on last night’s dinner challenge! It’s so empowering and encouraging to know that I have a whole bunch of “invisible” support group out here in this blog world!

Oh, and I’m eating out with Jingwen tomorrow, and I’m hoping to make another trip to the Soup Spoon! Remember that amazing Panera wanna-be? Hee!

All right, ta-ta for now, and here’s today’s question of the day: What were the most interesting pizza toppings  you’ve ever seen/heard/eaten before?

P.S. Please remember to add  your link when you comment! Some of you have no links to your name, so I was unable to comment back…