Special Thanksgiving

Today…has been an infuriatingly unproductive day. Usually, that would get me all stressed out. But you know what? Screw my numerous impending research essays. Screw my upcoming finals! This week…it’s all about Thanksgiving, and I refuse to let my spirits be badgered down by schoolwork.

In fact, I’ve got an ear-splitting grin across my face right now. I can’t seem to stop smiling! Each time my cheeks start to relax, I remember yet another reason to give thanks to God, and my cheeks split into a foolish grin again. Don’t look at me now, I’m scary-looking with all the gleaming teeth.

You know, Thanksgiving might be one of my favorite celebrations in America. I just love, love, love the idea of families gathering together over roasted turkey and cranberry sauce, joining hands to reflect over the year, and coming up with countless reasons to give thanks.

However, as we all know, Thanksgiving shouldn’t be just limited to one single day. Many people say things like, “I’m thankful for my family, my friends, blah blah blah…” Well, of course we’ve got to be thankful for our friends and families! In fact, we should be expressing our gratitude for that every single day! Which is why for me, Thanksgiving has a different meaning. There are just so many freaking reasons to give thanks, that a single day is simply not enough. Thus Thanksgiving should be a daily, habitual activity…so what makes this particular occasion special?

Well, first of all…let’s face it. Given our busy lifestyles and duties, we usually forget to give thanks. For me, I need a specially assigned day in which I stop everything I’m doing, sit down, and have a good reflection over the course of the year.

Second of all…as I do my reflection…I come to realize that I not only have to give thanks for the good, fortunate things in my life…I also have to give thanks for all the things that gave me pain, sufferings, and hardships. And that’s when I start receiving many revelations, and come to peace with many of the grudges, worries anxieties, and wounds I’ve held over the year.

This year of 2009 has been a significant year for me. 11 months ago, I was still barely 60 lbs. 11 months ago, I still didn’t know if I would ever make it to college. 11 months ago, I was still teetering between desire to die, and desire to recover and live.

And then, my dream came true. Recovery became an increasingly easy and smooth process as I overcame many challenges, many obstacles and irrational thoughts and behaviors. I got into college. I even got a scholarship.

But was it happily ever after from then onwards? Nope.

I was out of the world of ED, but I was still, well, living in this world, and dealing with the daily problems and struggles of a normal person. I struggled with adjusting to a college life as I faced criticisms and bad grades that seriously wavered my self-confidence. I had a few personal dramas and tantrums. I had a few relationship troubles. And I still struggle to be a good person, a good Christian, a good student, a good friend.

But you know what? I give thanks for all of that. I’m not bullshitting here…I really and truly give thanks for everything:

I give thanks that I am dealing with all these normal problems…because that means I no longer am consumed with ED problems.

I give thanks that I had bad grades and struggled with school, because that taught me not to be so cocky about my intelligence. In fact, it really humbled me and gave me an attitude to want to learn and experience, and not just to earn good grades.

I give thanks for my personal dramas and tantrums, because that means I am no longer numb with emotions. I’m learning to be a real human being again with real, passionate emotions. Now, I just need to find a good balance (and not act like I have permanent PMS).

I give thanks for the relationship troubles that I had, because it taught me to trust God and not man. It also taught me to be more understanding towards others, to view others’ situation in a less selfish perspective.

That was long. I wish I could go on and on, but the food is running cold, and I’m sure your eyes are starting to glaze over. Well, stick a ruler up your eyelids, because you want them to be wide open for this freaking amazing dish I’m going to share with you.

It’s my own rendition of the ultimate Japanese comfort food, Ochazuke, by going tropical-style. Ochazuke is a dish in which hot tea is poured over cooked rice topped with a few simple ingredients such as pickles and leftover fish. It’s supposed to be made with leftovers, but hey, I’m a poor college student and I don’t get many meals with good fish. So here is my tropical version of the Ochazuke:

Tropical Ochazuke

Basic Ingredients:

• 3 cups cooked brown rice, mixed with kidney beans
• salmon fillet
• 2 sheets nori, shredded
• 1 packet bonito flakes
• brewed green tea

Sophia’s “Bonus” Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup Oregon Dukkah, coconut flavor
• 1/2 mango
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1 tsp gochujang
• 1 tsp dijon mustard
• pinch crushed red pepper flakes

Optional Ingredients:

• soy sauce
• 2 stalks green onions

First, divide the rice into two dishes:

Meanwhile, blend the mango, soy sauce, honey, gochujang, mustard, and red pepper flakes in a food blender:
Next, glaze the salmon fillet with the mango-mixture, then press down a good handful of the Oregon Dukkah on top:
Heat up a frying pan, and sear the salmon on each side until cooked through. Ladle it over the rice, and top with nori:
Have ready a pot of hot green tea:
And then pour away!
Top with bonito flakes (they dance, by the way, so COOL!):
And you’re done!
In case you’re wondering this is Oregon Dukkah:
I got it as a sample from the Foodbuzz Festival, and it’s toasted coconut combined with roasted hazelnuts, sesame seeds and spices. Sounds good? Tastes fabulous! I can’t wait to experiment more with this!

I had aside extra nori and bonito flakes to add in while eating:
And also a bowl of chopped green onions to sprinkle on top:
As for the soy sauce, use it if you need more flavor. But honestly, it’s still great without.
Total comfort food.
It’s amazingly healthy, too. I think this will be a good meal to make after a few days of stuffing yourself during Thanksgiving, don’t you think?
  Maybe you can substitute the fish with leftover turkey! Get creative with this!
By the way, my parents are overseas in China right now, so I can’t even call them during Thanksgiving…but thank God, because a couple in church invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday…so I won’t have to spend Thanksgiving alone!

Well, I hope all of you have a great and blessed Thanksgiving, full of love and cheer and of course, gratitude!

Question of the day: Aside from all the usual things to give thanks for, can you think of one “bad” thing…that you’re thankful for now?

Wishing For Dreams Come True…

I hate sleep. There. I said it.

I don’t get people like my brother, who crawls into bed for a “sweet nap” whenever he’s bored. If I’m bored, I damn well wouldn’t be sleeping. Wait—that doesn’t matter, because I’m never bored. I always seem to have something to do.

And that’s precisely why I detest sleep. Because it is just a waste of time. 24 hours in a day is already not enough…so why would I want to be motionless with my eyes closed for hours when there are so many freaking things to do? But unfortunately, God designed humans so that we need to take a rest for 7-8 hours a day. If anybody knows why He did that, please enlighten me. I would really like to know.

That said, I have been sleeping 8 full hours for consecutive days. It’s a miracle! I usually get only 5 hours a sleep. Strangely, that has not messed up my productivity time. I still got things done. I still manage to have time to slip in a movie at night, and perhaps some blogging. So what does this say? Perhaps I’ve been sacrificing sleep for nothing. I need to experiment on this more…

Part of the reason why I’ve been able to sleep so much is because I’ve been dreaming a lot. Strange, but good dreams:

Yesterday, I dreamed that one of my friends who is struggling with an eating disorder called me up asking me to eat a Wendy’s burger with her.

Another day, I dreamed that I got a 99% on my final essay for my writing class (what bullshit)

I also dreamed that I became best friends with a popular blogger (not telling who) and she taught me how to hip-hop dance.

Sigh. If only all these dreams were true…

But I suppose that’s precisely why they are called dreams. They are wistful wishes that come true without any effort from our part. You know, I’ve always been a dreamer…but what do I actually do to achieve them? For example…

I wish I was a better Christian…yet I don’t communicate with God, or read His words as much as I should…

I wish I had better grades…yet I skip classes all the time, and rarely do my readings…

I wish I had more time…yet I waste a lot of the time I already have doing frivolous stuff…

That’s it! Time to stop wishing and to start actually doing something about it! I only get dreams when I’m sleeping anyway…when I’m motionless! Time to get moving, time to take action!

But first, let’s fuel myself with some food…

I have to admit, I’ve been extremely lazy these days, and I’ve been turning to the same stuff over and over, for the main reasons that 1) it’s fast and convenient;  2) it tastes good and is pretty nutritious; 3) I can get most of the ingredients from my school dining hall, which I now frequent daily like a kleptomaniac…

Anyway. Here’s what I’ve had for several days now:

Spicy-PB Vegetable and Cottage Cheese “Mix-it-up” Bowl

Base Ingredients:

• onions, diced
• bell pepper, diced
• mushrooms, diced
• zucchini, chopped
• tomatoes, diced
• bean sprouts
• kidney beans
• spinach
• Soul Food Seasoning (from Biz)

Dressing Ingredients:

• 2 spoonfuls soy sauce
• 2 spoonfuls peanut butter
• 2 spoonfuls Habanero-Lime Salsa (from Christina)
• 1/4 cup almond milk
• pinch crushed red pepper flakes

Topping Ingredients:

• 1 cup cottage cheese
• 4 yukon gold potatoes
• hot sauce

Okay, first the potatoes. I roasted them hasselback-style, by slicing numerous slits down the center of each potato, but not all the way through. And then I sprinkled them with this amazing seasoning:
 Biz, thank you SO much for this. I’m obsessed with this seasoning now. I practically sprinkle them on anything and everything!

And then roast the potatoes in 425 degree oven until cooked through:
Nice and crunchy!

For the dressing ingredients, just mix everything together until smooth.

And the base ingredients: Mix everything together with plenty of that incredible Soul Food seasoning (or just salt and pepper if you don’t have it). Cook it with the dressing.

Ladle the cooked ingredients into a dish. Top with cottage cheese and potatoes. Sprinkle with hot sauce. That’s it!
Now wasn’t that the easiest thing you’ve ever heard! Well, next to pouring cereal in a bowl, of course. But this is much better. It looks more impressive!
Everything should be topped with something golden and crunchy…
Wheee! Look at it do a back-bend! Potato doing yoga!
Creamy, crunchy, spicy, peanut buttery…mmmm…
  Now, isn’t this the perfect college student’s meal?

But on to the perfect college student’s snack…

I once said I hate bars. Okay, not just once. Several times, in fact. Well, I put my foot in my mouth, because I’ve decided that I do like bars. Love them, in fact. It just depends on what bars they are.

Perfect Foods Bar sent me two of each of the following bars:

• Carob Chip
• Peanut Butter
• Fruits & Nuts
• Cranberry Crunch (Lite)

Here’s what they say about their bars:

“Perfect Foods Bars are made from a delicious creamy blend of organic peanut butter and honey. The organic honey provides quick balanced energy and the added omega-3 “healthy fats” increase endurance. There’s also plenty of easy to digest, alkaline forming protein for immediate tissue repair. Enjoy this innovative approach to consuming over 30 different high nutrient foods not readily available in today’s fast pace society.”

Okay, peanut butter and honey. What’s not to love? Plus they’ve got 30 different high nutrient foods. But what about the taste?

Well, all I can say is: I’m not sure if Perfect Foods Bar is the perfect food, but it is the perfect bar indeed. Oh Em Gi. So. Freaking. Good.
  They just completely melt in your mouth like fudge. I store them in the fridge, so when they enter my mouth it is cold and firm, but then slowly dissolves in my tongue…a delicious blend of pure peanut butter and intense honey…
The only thing is that it isn’t mixed with all the artificial crap, so the taste is pretty strong, bold, and intense…not a bad thing at all, but you just don’t want to finish the whole bar in one sitting, or it does get rather cloying. 
 I think I’ve waxed enough poetry about Perfect Foods Bar. My conclusion is this: Larabar, bye bye. You guys really got to check this stuff out!

Another bar that I’ve really enjoyed was sent by my freaking sweet friend Natalie from Eating to Live Life After ED:
They’re called Spring Hill gourmet bars, and they were amazing. Once again, I chilled them in the fridge first. And they’re incredibly crumbly, buttery, and exactly like a shortbread cookie.

Here’s the Wildberry & Nougat one:
And the Chocolate & Oat one:
And my personal favorite, the Muesli bar:

Sorry, I don’t know where to get them here in the States. Of course. All the good stuff has to be somewhere else! Sigh. Well, we can only dream that they’ll sell them in U.S. stores someday…

Speaking of dreams…Here’s today’s question of the day:

Had any good dreams lately? Is there a dream that you are actively going to pursue instead of wishing for it to come true?

This is What “Confused” Tastes Like

A million thanks to all of your sweet and comforting comments! I can’t express how much they meant to me.

This post is going to be one of the hardest I’ve ever written, simply for the reason that I am still very, very confused and have yet to reach a definite resolution. A lot of complicated emotions are swimming in turmoil within me, and I have a feeling that they may not so much have to do with the situation between my friend and me, but more so from my own insecurities and hidden wounds.

Honestly, I thought I would be over it by now. I took a break from everything yesterday, just spending time by myself, declining even a movie invitation by Mimi. But all I’ve gotten out of it is intense loneliness, and the ache of a lost friend.

Right now I’m at a point where I don’t even want to think about it, yet a lot of negative thoughts are stinging me like a bee in my pants. My tear ducts seem to have a been screwed loose because tears keep flowing whether I like it or not. And I just want to shake myself and scream, “Seriously, Sophia, get a freaking grip of yourself, you Drama Queen!”

I haven’t felt such a surge of emotions in a long time…emotions that have nothing to do with my eating disorder. I guess I should welcome the change, but…I don’t know how to deal with them. I haven’t dealt with such real emotions for a very long time, because…well, for 4-5 years now, all I’ve ever cared about was me, myself, and my ED.

How do you deal with emotions? Especially such negative emotions such as anger, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, depression, and loneliness?

A long time ago (or seems like it), I simply blocked them out. I would go out and walk for hours, I would turn all the negative feelings into feelings of fatness, I would restrict and just do whatever it took to harm myself. Starving gave me a strange high equivalent to that of drugs, and I would become almost delirious in hunger and weakness. But now…I can’t do that anymore.

I need to face my emotions, but I feel like a coward. I want to hide, I want to brush them away, I want to suppress them and forget about them.

But once again…I can’t. I think I’ve forced them down to the point that everything is flying back at me like a released spring. And going back to my eating disordered ways is no longer an option. So there’s no more option left…but to deal with my issues…the normal, healthy way.

But again…how? That is the question.

Anyway. Somehow my confusion seems to have transferred to my cooking as well, because I came up with a strange concoction…basically a mix of random things. But hey, it actually tasted pretty good. So here it is:

Confused Quesadilla with Eggs, Two Ways

• 2 corn tortillas
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• handful white mushrooms, diced
• handful mung-bean sprouts
• handful kidney beans
• 2 spoonfuls salsa (I used Habanero-Lime)
• 2 eggs, beaten
• handful mozzarella cheese
• 1/4 cup cottage cheese
• 1/4 cup refried beans
• 1 egg
• handful Parmesan cheese

First, cook the garlic in a fry pan for a few seconds. Then add in the mushrooms and stir-fry for about a minute. Add in the sprouts, kidney beans, and salsa. Cook for about 1 minute. Add in the beaten eggs, and let it cook (no stirring) until the eggs are set.

Meanwhile, microwave the tortillas between a wet towel for 30 seconds. Take one of the tortillas, and place the egg-frittata on it with the mozzarella cheese sprinkled on top:
Then place the second tortilla on top:
Grill it on  Mr. George Foreman (What? By now  you should already know I grill anything I can get my hands on…).
  At the same time, fry the third egg. Mix the cottage cheese with the refried beans. When the quesadilla is done and the tortillas are nice and crispy, top it with the cottage cheese-refried beans mixture, and then top with the fried egg and Parmesan cheese. And you’re done!
Tell me: Are you confused already? What kind of dish is this? Asian sprouts? Cooked in salsa? Sandwiched between corn tortillas? Grilled? Topped with fried egg? And what is with that random cottage cheese stuff?
Aiyah, I don’t care what it is— it was damn freaking good. Now you see why I can’t go back to my eating disordered ways anymore…I’ve discovered the pleasures of food.
For your information, this was a messy dish to eat. But I did not use any fork. Forks are for pretentious people. Nope, I just split it in half and ate it like a sandwich.
Some of the yolk got on my fingers, but I just licked it right off. That’s the way to eat a runny yolk! >.<
  The salsa I used was from the birthday package sent by Christina:
 Love it. Spicy, yet sort of sour, and full of flavor!

Okay, I’ve decided to change the name of this dish to Confucious Quesadilla…Confused+Delicious=Confucious…

Get it? Hahahahahahahahahahaha!! Oh, Sophia, you are just sooooo funny! Oh ho ho ho!
Please excuse me. I’m in a confused state right now.

Question of the day: How do you deal with your emotions? Do you ignore them, or face them?

A Gift

I loved reading all of your life analogies in response to my last post. Wow, who knew food bloggers were such philosophers, eh? I can’t post all of them or I’ll never get to the main focus of this post (the food, haha) but here are just a few samples of them:

Hikkilurver says:
“Life is like an ice cream cone – very short-lived but an amazing experience with every lick. Why does that sound kind of dirty? I swear I didn’t mean it that way… “ (my note: I didn’t think it was dirty until you mentioned it, lol!)

JiaYing says:
“Life is like a bowl of shaved ice. it’ll short lasting and will melt if you don’t make use of it and waste it away…”

Joanne says:
“Life is like a bag of winter squash! Tastes good no matter how you cook it.” (my note: Especially if it’s kabocha, baby!) 

Emily from The Experimentarion says:
“Life is like an APPLE, too! Sometimes it has bumps or bruises, but still tastes delicious.”

Snackface says:
“Life is like…a box of crayons. Emotions and events are colors, and you can’t predict the exact shade it will be, or that you’ll need. Only until you give a crayon a test drive can you really figure out what’s right.”

Twizler2 says:
“Life is like a kitchen where God is the chef and you are the soup. The chef adds spices as He cooks, all the while making the soup taste better. And while the burner may be hotter at times, Our chef is attentive and will eventually take the soup off the heat he says so.” (my note: This was my personal favorite…can you guess why?)

Jolene says:
“Life is like an ocean – there are ups and downs, and some people ride the waves, while others drown, but if you don’t jump in, you won’t get wet.”

Holly says:
“Life is like…treasure map. You never know where you are going, inevitably you have turn around and start back over, getting lost is the norm…but you always make it to the treasure in the end.”

Maria says:
“Life is like pizza. You have the free will to choose your own toppings/decisions, and the right combo will make it delicious/meaningful!” (my note: let’s see…kabocha, figs, brie, goat cheese, bacon…)

Lisa says:
“Life is like playing the violin in public and learning the instrument as you go along! So true…there are going to be mistakes and failures but there is also beauty and success and happiness.”

Carolyn says:
“Life is like a bowl of stew. Sometimes it looks a little murky, and you can’t quite tell what you’re getting into. But if you dig deep enough, you find something delicious and memorable. “ (my note: Katharina agreed!)

Seth says:
“Life is like… a jar of peanut butter. We go through life surrounded by nuts, and then we finally realize that even we ourselves are a little nutty on the inside (and that is what makes us fun).” (my note: laugh my freaking ass OUT!)

Nicole says:
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

There were many more, and I tried to stick to 5, but I just couldn’t help adding more in. Please take a look here for other fantastic comments, or add your own!

That said…today has been sort of weird…a really somber mood came upon me, especially as I heard some gloomy news, and the weather was not helping by being all dark, chilly, and drizzly…not to mention that I am 100% certain I bombed my mid-term today…

But one of the news that made me sad and reflective was one from my parents, who informed me that one of the spiritual brothers at church back in Virginia was at a terminal stage for cancer…In fact, it was clear he wouldn’t survive through the week…He is not even 40, and he will be leaving behind a young wife and two little kids…

How coincidental that my last post would be about life and its quality. Today, I can’t help thinking about life and its end. And being reminded again that life…it’s precious. And so, so, so short and limited.

Here’s another more serious metaphor: Life is a gift. It’s not a privilege. You’re only given it once, and not because you deserve it, but because it’s an exclusive, unconditional, loving, benevolent gift from God.

Sure, life is not always sweet— but continuous sweetness just ends up sickeningly cloying and saccharine, and I think every one of the bloggers up there would agree that all in all, life…it’s worth it, and it’s damn precious. I liked Mimi’s quote here from Nietzsche: “At the moment of your death, all you want to do is live your life over again, because despite all the pain and mistakes, it was worth it.”

Speaking of gifts…An absolutely, delightfully generous blogger, Leianna, sent me a jar of home-made, home-grown organic salsa!!
Absolutely brilliant, and adorable jar! Check out the little fairy angel!
 Handmade by Ladybug~~
Chock-full of ripe, vibrant-flavored tomatoes, black beans, carrots, corn…With a bit of spice!
This was truly the best freaking salsa I have ever tasted!! (She sent me a few other goodies, but I’ll keep that to myself, since I don’t want to go overboard with the flaunting)

Of course the conventional way to eat salsa is with chips, but I just hate tortilla chips— never did like it much. Besides, such gorgeous salsa needs a gorgeous recipe to go with it, so of course I rolled up my sleeves and broke the eggs…

Huevos Rancheros, Waffle-Style

• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1/2 tomato, chopped
• 1/2 zucchini, chopped
• about 4 oz ground turkey
• 1/2 cup salsa
• salt and pepper
• 2 frozen whole-grain waffles
• about 1/3 cup refried beans
• handful cheddar cheese
• 1 fried egg
• Tabasco

Stir-fry the garlic and onions until fragrant, then add in the tomatoes and zucchini. Cook for awhile, then toss in the turkey and stir until cooked through. Add in the salsa, season with salt and pepper. Set aside.

Toast or heat up the waffles. Spread the refried beans over each of them, and set them on a serving dish. Ladle all the turkey-salsa mixture on top, sprinkle with cheese. Top with fried egg, sprinkle with more cheese, and add a few drops of Tabasco and black pepper.
Obviously, my recipe had to include a runny egg and cheese!
This was a total winner. I’m still drooling thinking about it, and I won’t mind having this over, and over, and over again!
The most thrilling climax is when you pierce that yolk…
My drool was dribbling just like that yolk was oozing out…
How in the freaking world can someone eat only egg whites? (Tra, you listening?)
I loved how the crisp waffle just soaked up all that juice…
Obviously, the turkey-salsa mix was freaking good. I love how the flavorful salsa took care of everything, and I didn’t even need any kind of spice!
Thank you, Leianna, for this fantastic meal! I toasted to you as I chomped ferociously into this!

Oh, and another gift I received from a very, very, very dear friend of mine in Hong Kong…

This friend, let’s call her HappyCao…sent me a surprise package in light of the recently passed Moon Festival. Check this out:
The traditional mooncake, but pumpkin and taro flavor!
Unfortunately, I did find out it’s a bit too sweet for me, but it was great enjoyed little by little…

And yet another Asian goody… 
 Green tea cookie rolls!
  Sort of flaky, gleefully crunchy, and not too sweet—Yum!

And a pink moon festival lantern that brought so much nostalgia!
I used to play with these things back in Singapore all the time! (And setting fire on it, tee hee!)

Well, well, this world is just full of generous people! I’m just so damn thankful. Today was a grave, reflective day, but in the end, all I could do was just give thanks…Give thanks to the Lord for everyone, for everything, and most particularly, my precious life.

So what if I failed the mid-terms today— at least I have the physical ability and energy and intelligence to actually take the test, and get that “F”!

So please, remember that your life is a gift, and treasure it, and enjoy it with thanksgiving and praise every moment of your life.

Question of the day: What random thing are you thankful for today?

POM-tastically Different

This made me laugh: I was having a peer review in my writing class for our paper on a specific topic in the evolution debates. Basically, my paper was about the importance of faith in a human’s life, and how humans are different from other organisms in that we are more than a material body. My paper emphasized that evolution can only touch and infer upon the physical aspect of a human body, but neglects faith and spirit,both integral components of a human life.

Anyway. My paper was read by two of my classmates, and I got two completely different set of reviews.

One found my paper “offensive” and “wrong” to the noble atheists and reaffirmed his support for Eugenics. The other totally agreed with what I was saying, but egged me on to include that evolution sperms disastrous and racist dictators like Hitler.

I couldn’t help laughing out loud. Talk about extreme opposing sides of opinions! And boy, do I love it!

So here’s another reason to add to my list of Reasons Why I Adore College: There are just so many differing opinions crunched together in one tiny group, and listening to them is eye-opening and absolutely fascinating.

Plus, that just proves the point I made in my paper. We humans are amazing. How can a miraculous and complex life like ours be derived from a freak of “nature”, or broken down into minuscule steps of natural selection? Whether you agree with my philosophical stance or not, you’ve got to agree with me that no single individual is alike, and that we all have our different and personal set of opinions and beliefs.

And when it comes to cooking, I’m also grateful that we aren’t all alike either, because how boring and trite would food be if everyone came up with the same idea for a single ingredient?

You see, I recently received a package of POM Wonderful from Molly:
 Since then I’ve been browsing around online on my spare time, trying to come up with a recipe using POM Wonderful. I found a small library of recipes on this page, and several helpful twitter friends gave me ideas, but eventually I decided to just come up with my own recipes. They were all great ideas, but I didn’t want to just re-make another person’s idea.

So here are my original recipes using POM Wonderful:

POM-Raspberry Chicken

• 1/2 cup POM Wonderful
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• 1/4 cup vinegar
• 1/2 raspberry preserves 
• 2 to 3 tablespoons honey
• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 big boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into pieces

Mix all the ingredients except chicken together in a bowl. Place the chicken in the marinade and let it marinade for about 8 hours or overnight.

POM-Cocoa Rice-Cooker Beans

• 1 cup black beans, soaked overnight, then drained
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 large onion, chopped
• 1/2 large red bell pepper, chopped
• 1 tomato, chopped
• 1/2 cup POM Wonderful
• 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• 2 tablespoons cocoa powder
• cumin
• salt and pepper
• chicken broth
• 1/2 zucchini, sliced
• 5-8 dried figs, sliced

Heat up a skillet and stir-fry the garlic, onions, bell pepper, and tomato.

Then dump the mixture with the beans into the rice cooker. Splash in the POM, vinegar, cocoa powder, cumin, salt and pepper, then pour in enough chicken broth to cover the bean-mixture by about 1/2-inch. Stir in sliced zucchini and figs.
Set the rice cooker on “cook” setting. Twiddle your thumbs while you wait.

Finishing touches:

• bunch of fresh baby spinach
• handful of grated Parmesan cheese

When the beans are almost done, start cooking the chicken.

To cook, just heat up a skillet with some oil, place the chicken on top, lightly sear it. Pour the sauce over and cook. When the chicken is cooked through, remove it from pan, but leave the sauce to cook until it is thick and viscous.

Then ladle the cooked beans out into a serving dish. Mix it up with a bunch of spinach and let the vegetable wilt a bit. Place the cooked chicken on top, and slather with the thick POM-Raspberry sauce.

Sprinkle with more black pepper and Parmesan cheese. Serve.
 Yay! Success! I have to admit, I was incredibly nervous about how this will turn out. I felt like a confused scientist, mixing up different chemicals together and hoping to God the mixture would not blow up.
I chose to use the rice-cooker to cook the beans because I did not want to spend a long time over the stove. I just hit the button, and rushed off to class and came back to a delicious scent! I love rice-cookers now and it ain’t for rice!
The POM Wonderful juice stained the chicken into a brilliant pink, and I totally LOVED the sweet and sour glaze. It was so thick and sticky, almost like a puckish, fruity caramel. SO good!
 I didn’t add any additional sweeteners to the beans besides the juice and the figs, but the natural sweetness in these ingredients were intensified.

And that cocoa in there! Flash of genius, I have to say! What a complex and rich concentration of flavors!

I had some chicken left over so, I froze it and packed it for Mimi since she loves her chicken.

As for the rest of the beans, I reheated them the next day and plopped a runny poached egg on top with a sprinkle of sharp cheddar cheese:
Wow. As much as I loved the POM-Raspberry chicken, when it comes to runny eggs…well, my legs go all runny. It is a tough decision, and I don’t think I can choose between the two.
LOVE the golden liquid, especially as the beans soaks up that elixir of umami-goodness!

Thank you Molly for the opportunity to experiment with this wonderful stuff! I’ve also tried drinking it straight up, but it was really too strong for me. My roommate loved it though, especially when I extolled the nutritional virtues of pomegranate juice. She’s already downed 3 bottles. So I guess it’s just a preference of taste! As I said before, we’re all different!

By the way, thank you all for you overwhelmingly supportive and encouraging support on my last post…Strange, but I’m reflecting on my past quite often these days…so don’t be surprised if more of my reflections show up in more future posts!

Question of the day: Ever been in a situation where everyone has complete different beliefs and views and opinions and interests? Do share!

I feel it in my fingers…

I can feel it in my fingers…I can feel it in my toes…
 
The students all around me…
And so the nerdiness grows…

Sing along with me, everybody! Hahaha! Excuse me, I’ve got that song from Love Actually stuck in my head for some reason…God knows why, because I’ve never even seen the movie yet!

But anyway, I’m in a plentiful good mood! Second day of classes went swimmingly well too. English used to be my favorite subject in high school, and I was glad to find that my love for literature is still well-alive in me.

One of my classes is Comparative Literature: Masterpieces and Masterminds of the West. I’ve only been to one class, but I can already tell I’m going to love it, even though there’s gonna be a shitload of reading. How can I not, when my professor is a tall, wiry, white-haired guy who looks like Einstein…

Who loves to dance around and gesticulate wildly with every limb and fingers…

And tosses out packets of M&M’s for free?
(Pssst! M&M’s…Masterpieces and Masterminds…get it?)

Ah, passion. It’s something so beautiful and infectious, and there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing it abounding in my teachers, or feeling its fire being stoked inside of me myself. It’s thrilling, invigorating, and exhilarating!

This is why I thrive in this college environment…Tons of passion around to share and to deliver!

Thankfully, it turns out USC has better options than the dining hall I dined in during my Orientation. I’ve been mainly cooking in my kitchen since I have a limited meal plan, but have managed to score a few good bites around the campus…

There’s this place called the University Village, a small hubbub of shops across the campus. They have an international food court, in which I had a charcoal chicken kebab roll-up.
Charcoal-grilled chicken kebabs with salad, red onions, yogurt sauce, and hot sauce, served on pita.
The yogurt and hot sauce was optional, but I commanded politely asked the lady to pile them on! They were really good, but HUGE. Literally, twice the size of my head. I finished it, but none of my friends could.

There was also a frozen yogurt place in that international food court, and one fine sunny day I had the pleasure of indulging on this:
A Pineapple-original froyo twist. Refreshing! Not as good as Red Mango in my opinion, but about a dollar cheaper!

And this afternoon, I had limited time between classes, so I hit up Tutor Hall, a small cafe hidden in the Engineering building a friend to munch on this:
 Rotisserie lemon-rosemary chicken thigh, fried plantains, rice and beans.
  The chicken was nothing special, but at least it wasn’t dry and bitter like the one I had during orientation.
But the plantains were fantastic! The best one I’ve ever had yet! Perfectly sweet, yet not mushy, and slightly chewy in a lovely way. My friend started giggling when I took pictures of my food, though. I wonder what was so funny? I thought everyone takes pictures of their food?

Of course, after this heavy meal I fell asleep in my history class again…-___-;;;

Sorry for neglecting you guys for sometime; I’m going to try to update as often as possible as soon as I get a firm grasp of what my schedule is gonna be like. And sorry if I get a bit boring prattling on about my school…The excitement will putter down sometime, but right now I’m still overwhelmed by the novelty of it all!

Hope you guys had a swimmingly smooth and fantastic day as well!

P.S. I made sure to list down the names of the places I ate just in case any of you hit by USC…Just in case!

Edit: THERE IS A LA BLOGGER MEET-UP this Saturday! Please let me know if you can join us! Email me! YAAAAAYYYYY~~~

I’m a walking, talking, eating, and pooping ice-cube

Why oh why didn’t anyone tell me that San Francisco is California’s own North Pole? I only brought a thin jacket with me, and I was a walking and talking ice-cube as I waddled and hobbled around San Francisco yesterday. My butt cheeks are seriously frozen in place and I feel like if I sat down too hard it might crack like glass!

But despite the crazy, temperamental weather, I had a wonderful time yesterday again. I feel this euphoric high rippling through my bloodstreams, and it’s not just from having a good time or food. It’s this relieving sense of…release. I think for the first time in many years while I struggled with an ED, I am truly learning how to relax and actually truly enjoy a vacation.

We go to places without really planning it out, stop by any restaurant that catches our fancy, and I’m allowing myself to just go with the flow. I don’t worry before meals, or obsess after meals. I do definitely enjoy my meals thoroughly, but once it is over I just forget about it and enjoy the next moment. I am filled with such hope…Can it be that this is really the start of my liberation from the control of ED? Am I really…being set free? Oh, I certainly hope so!

Yesterday was another whirlpool of activities. We set out to the Mission District to look at some murals, but we got hungry so stopped by this cozy-looking Mexican restaurant that looked pretty nice and clean.
Regalito’s decor was really stylish and chic, with my favorite shade of green:
Everything on the menu looked so good and they even was serving brunch, but I finally settled on a dish I have been wanting to try for ages:
 Pollo con Negro Mole: roasted free-range chicken thigh with Oaxacan mole – chili, dried fruits, nuts, and spices. Rice on the side.
Holy shit. Amazing! The sauce was sooo flavorful! If I remember correctly there should be chocolate in this sauce, and I could definitely taste a deep, cocoa undertone.
My cousin and aunt ordered several dishes to share:
 Sopa de Tortilla: Chicken broth, tortilla strips, toasted chile ancho, queso fresco, avocado

Unfortunately, the soup was way too sour…it tasted sort of like a Mexican-style tom yum soup. I thought it was supposed to taste that way, but Clara swears it shouldn’t.
 Guacamole con Tostadas: Avocado mashed with Salsa Mexicana and fried corn tortilla. Not my favorite.

And the Enchilada Verdes:
 Corn tortillas dipped in green chili sauce, filled with roasted chicken, with queso fresco, crema, onions, and cilantro
 This was good! I actually stole almost a whole piece. I love the green chili sauce, and it went so well with the tart cheese and sour cream.
They also served up rice and beans and tortillas on the side, so we made these little tortilla wraps:
After lunch we walked around for a bit admiring the famous murals, then hitched a ride on the Bart up to Union Square. We went to visit to MOMA, but for some reason I was so sleepy! After a heavy meal my body just wanted to doze off, so I laid my head on a bench and napped for 20 minutes.

But once I was awake, I was refreshed and invigorated once again! Surprising what a short nap can do for you! We went to a park nearby and rolled around the grass for a bit and then started walking up to Chinatown.

But on the way our eyes caught side of this little store:
It seems to have become tradition to have a mid-day snack of froyo!

Clara got the medium-sized froyo to share with her mom:
  Strawberry-banana froyo with cheesecake bites, mochi, and strawberries

I got the smaller-sized:
Strawberry-banana froyo with blueberries

Okay, bad, baaaad idea. I was immediately frozen in spot once I finished my cold froyo. Cold froyo on a windy San Francisco evening? Someone smack me for being so dumb! But I immediately bought a hot cup of coffee in McDonald’s so that warmed me right back up!

I was actually looking for green tea powder in Chinatown, but was disappointed to find nothing but a lot of dirty markets and Chinese restaurants:
But it sure is much bigger and better than Washington D.C’s mini-mini-mini Chinatown! More like Chinashop.

After that we started walking up towards Fisherman’s Wharf. Oh my God, it’s even colder out there with blustering wind! I tied a scarf around my neck and piled on two jackets, but I found myself shivering from time to time. But luckily we stopped by several shops along the way, and that warmed my frozen butt and hands before popping out into the cold again.
One of the shops we stopped by was this huge candy store to buy some saltwater taffies. And what a surprise!
Free complimentary caramel popcorn! It smelled amazing, and all sticky and crunchy. I didn’t see them giving out free popcorn to other people…I guess they were just mesmerized by my beauty and charm? Yes indeed, that must be it!

On the bay, we also snacked on some fried calamari and fried clams:
Yuck. It was disgusting. Way too salty, and left a unpleasant greasy snot in my tongue. I let my cousin finish it.

Even though we weren’t that hungry from all the snacks, it was getting late and we started wandering around looking for a place to eat. This one particular spot caught our eye:
Yo, it boasts homemade gnocchi! And there were tons of people lining up for a table! That means it had to be good, right?

We ended up waiting and shivering in the cold for about half an hour before we finally got a spot by the corner…outdoors. Ai yi yi! But we were tired and just really needed a place to sit, so we huddled into the cold seats out in the open with the wind blowing into our faces. The waiter served us some Italian bread and focaccia with olive oil/ balsamic vinegar dip:
My cousin wasn’t that hungry after all the snacking, so she decided to just share a dish with my aunt:
 Spaghetti alla Carbonara
 Spaghetti with pancetta, egg, Parmesan cheese, and scallions

Too bad it was all dried-out…and cold! Cold food on a cold night? We got a little ticked off, so we complained to the waiter. The waiter tried to make excuses that all carbonaras are like this, but I interrupted, “I already know what a carbonara is! I’ve made it before and it isn’t supposed to be like this!”

The poor waiter had nothing more to say. He took the dish back and returned with a creamier, hotter dish. I felt sort of bad, but hey, we’re the customers and we pay for good food!

My aunt and cousin also ordered a small Greca salad to share:
 Romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, olives, red bell peppers, red onion, and feta cheese in lemon-herb infused olive oil

I didn’t eat this, but stole some bites of feta.

Now, I know all of  you are gonna groan and moan about the dish I ordered…but I swear I wasn’t gonna order it at first! The gnocchi definitely caught my eye, but I wanted to try something else, a polenta dish with sausages. So I asked my waiter which dishes he would recommend, and he said immediately without a moment’s hesitation: “The gnocchi. Get the gnocchi. It’s the best.” Well, what was I to argue with the expert?
 Homemade ricotta gnocchi with sausages, asparagus, and green peas in creamy gorgonzola sauce
 I’m so glad I listened to the waiter. It was fabulous! This time the gnocchi was perfectly cooked, and so chewy and pillowy, just the way I like it!
The sausage in there was all spicy, and it went so well with the crunch of the asparagus and the soft peas. I finished the whole dish, and licked it clean, literally.

Whew! Now that I have all these food and fun under one post, I sure have enjoyed and pampered myself yesterday! Well, I’m in for two more days of treat, then it’s back to Virginia…I leave Monday night. Sad! But I’m even more determined to enjoy all the time I’ve got left here!

Have a super duper Sunday everyone! I’m off to eat lunch at this place I’ve really really wanted to try…because it’s another huge challenge for me that I’ve been building up my courage and anticipation on! Anybody can guess what that place is? Hint: It’s greasy and can be only found in the west coast. Hee.

From being to IN control

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it once again: Anorexia is all about control. We want to control our bodies, we want to control our eating, we want to control our schedules and time. It’s not really about the fear of weight gain or food. It’s more about the fear for the lack on control over our eating and bodies.

It may have started out as a diet with weight loss in mind, but why would I want to continue our strict regimens in eating and exercise when I have reached my goal weight already? The thing is…by then, it’s no longer about the weight. It’s about the high, that delicious euphoria that rushes through me in the belief that I have that power over myself to control my hunger and cravings.

But the sad and pathetic thing is…It’s all an illusion. Because who is really in control here? I am bound by my own fixed set of rules and regulations, I tremble at the sight of fear foods, I force myself to work out fanatically, and I withdraw myself from social activities to avoid eating. Does that sound like I’m being in control here?

One of the key motivators for my recovery was the realization that I’d been deluded for all 4 years of my ED period. I was not in control; I was being controlled. I didn’t choose to not eat; I simply couldn’t eat. I didn’t want to exercise 3 hours a day, I simply had to. I was not the master of my body. I was  a slave to all my serious misconceptions and twisted obsessions.

From then on I started actively and defiantly going against ED. Whatever he ordered, I tried to do the opposite. And you know what? ED is not that strong after all. He really doesn’t have control over me, because once I took measures to be the one truly in control, there was nothing for ED to do but hang by the side and gape like a goldfish.

Some of you might recall when I mentioned that one of my still-remaining fear food was pasta. For some reason, pasta was one of the scariest food for me because of all that overload of carbohydrates. I mean, come on. A big plate of pasta? That is a big dieter’s no-no. And topped with more cream and cheese? That is exactly what a nutritionist recommends you to avoid. 

But I had a goal in mind, and that was to be able to order a full plate of pasta in a restaurant, and enjoy it. As you can recall, I’ve made pasta at home just a few times. I call that the “warm-up” for my big challenge because making my own pasta isn’t as scary because I can determine the amount and ingredients I want.

And today was that big day. Today, I gained back some more control from ED. Today, I eliminated another one of my fear foods.

By a miracle, both my parents and brother was free today, so we decided to have lunch out then go for a walk together around Lake Accotink. After searching up Menupages.com, my brother and I decided on an Italian restaurant called Cafe Oggi.

We were pretty impressed by the decor and relatively bright ambiance as soon as we walked in:

Though it was a little cramped, the decor was warm and elegant.

The waiter served us individually-portioned fresh, warm Italian bread as soon as we sat down:

Which we dipped in herby olive oil:

My mom ordered the Spaghetti Vongole:

Pasta with fresh clams in tomato sauce

My dad ordered the most expensive dish on the menu, the Spaghetti Fra’Diavolo:

Pasta topped with a one-pound lobster in a spicy tomato sauce

My brother, a fast food junkie, surprisingly ordered a “diet”-ish dish, the Trota Alle Erbette:

Fresh rainbow trout with fresh herbs in lemon sauce

And I ordered something I’ve been wanting to try for ages, the Gnocchi Ai Tre Formaggi:

Potato dumplings with arugula in three cheese sauce

Holy Gnocchi! It was goood! The dumpling was so chewy and sticky, and made for a wonderful, fun texture.

The sauce was definitely rich, and I could see the grease from the full-fat cheese and cream, but cheese-whore that I am I used the plump gnocchi to mop up every last bit of the sauce.

Since we are big sharers, we tried each other’s dishes. Every dish was amazing. My mom’s Spaghetti Vongole was really flavorful with succulent clams. My brother’s trout was perfectly cooked, nice and tender.

My dad’s lobster pasta was, undoubtedly, the best. It was worth every penny. Being Korean, he asked for extra-spicy, but ended up having to sprinkle on even more red pepper flakes to suit his spice satisfaction level. He couldn’t finish it though, so I helped myself to almost half his portion.

Wow. If you had told me just a few months back that I would have eaten 70% of that rich and creamy gnocchi dish, and almost 50% of spaghetti with lobster, I would have thought you were on crack. Even now, I can hardly believe it.

I don’t know how to describe this feeling…It’s the same rush of euphoria I used to feel when I was restricting, but so different in that this time, I really am in control. I am free, liberated from my unreasonable fears and anxieties.

Oh, and that’s not all. After our hot and sweaty walk around Lake Accotink, we clambered into a Korean bakery around that area, called Shilla Bakery. And we ordered two of this:

Korean shaved ice!

This is a base of fruits, with a huge ball of sweetened adzuki beans and glutinous rice cakes, topped off with a mountain of shaved ice and sweetened condensed milk.

You mix it all up like this:

And aaaaah…There is no better relief for a hot summer day! I implore you, if you ever find a Korean bakery around your area, ask if they have shaved ice. You won’t regret it!

I’m feeling a bit stuffed. I might have been overzealous and eaten a bit too much, but guess what? I’m still alive, and I’m feeling happier and more triumphant than ever. Today was a huge accomplishment, and I’m gonna relish in that knowledge, and the expectation that there will be many more days of victories to come!

Question of the day: Do you think you are in control of your life? Or is there some things that you feel are controlling you?
And: What is your favorite pasta? Spaghetti? Rigatoni? Spirals? Raviolis? Gnocchi?

Proud to be a PK

Guess what? My parents just left…for a three and a half weeks mission trip to China and Southeast Asia! How sad…just a week after I returned, they’ve got to leave. So now I’m home alone with my brother.

Some people ask me what it’s like to be a PK (pastor’s kid). I always reply, “I’m freaking proud to be a PK and I wouldn’t change it for anything.” And that’s the God-honest truth.

But I won’t lie. There are definitely plenty of downs to being a PK. First of all, I get cast into the spotlight, whether I want it or not. Not only does my father use me in his testimonies and analogies during his sermons, but everybody’s eyes are on me. Sometimes I feel an uncomfortable pressure to live up to people’s expectations. And I’m deathly scared of being a humiliation to my father’s ministry.

I had the worst time at first when I got diagnosed with anorexia. Immediately I was the talk of the church. While the majority of the people in church embraced me, supported me, and prayed for me, there were still a few who put me on the chopping block. They used my ED as a reason to criticize my father and doubt God. How can a pastor’s daughter have anorexia? The pastor must have sinned. The pastor must repent. What kind of God is this? And one or two people even left church because of me.

But still my parents persisted. They entrusted me fully to God, never gave up on me, but instead kept on speaking openly about me. They declared to everyone, even while I was struggling deeply in my ED, that I would recover with the strength and power of God. That God has a plan and purpose for my ED.

Still, at times the criticism would be so severe that my mother came back from church with red eyes and stained cheeks. She tried to hide her tears from me, but I knew about her pain and anguish.

Yet…they fought on. They continued with their ministry, never ceased caring for all the people in church, and even forgave those who prosecuted us. When someone in church got sick, they rushed out immediately to visit. When someone called at 3am in the morning depressed and crying, they answered and comforted the person for hours on the phone. They didn’t waste their time fretting and worrying and getting depressed about me, but instead turned their energy and passion on the church and mission works.

And God favored their endurance and devotion…I can feel His healing hands on me. I am recovering bit by bit daily, and it’s all thanks to my parents’ rock-hard faith in me and God. I truly have the most freaking amazing and incredible parents.

I’m so proud to be a PK, because I can boast that my parents devote all their time and energy on saving lives, not just their physical bodies and mental health, but their everlasting souls. I’m so fortunate to be a PK, because from young I’ve observed my parents’ passion and love for other people firsthand, and by watching their lifestyles and ministries, I have formed a detailed and intricate image of the kind of person I want to be.

My parents are out there in the mission field helping and healing people right now, and I shall do my own part of healing myself here at home. I’ve promised them to gain at least another 5lbs by the time they get back, and may God give me the strength and motivation to achieve this goal! I want my parents to be proud of me in return!

So, here’s the first meal I had by myself while my parents are on their mission trip:

Sweet and Spicy Flatbread Pizza

Base: 1/2 cup roasted and mashed kabocha squash spread all over a whole-wheat flatbread
Toppings: 1 link of spicy andouille sausage, 1/4 cup red and yellow bell peppers, 1/4 cup sliced red onion, 1/3 cup 4-cheese Mexican blend, 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese

Yum, yum, yummmm~

I really, really love having the kabocha squash as the base instead of the usual boring tomato sauce. It adds such a warm, natural sweetness to the pizza.

The contrast between the spiciness of the andouille sausage played extremely well with the crunchy sweetness of the bell peppers.

And what’s a pizza without all that melted cheese? Though I think it would have been better with a bit more cheese…:-(

Come evening, I was feeling a bit lonely…my brother was out the entire day, and I was home all alone. So I decided to comfort myself by cooking up a huge batch of chili. I couldn’t be bothered searching up for recipes, so with a “what the heck” attitude, I just threw anything that caught my fancy into the pot. Thus, I’m calling it the “What the heck” Chili.

“What the Heck” Chili

• garlic
• onions (both yellow and red)
• green bell pepper
• celery
• carrots
• beef broth
• red kidney beans
• black turtle beans
• black-eyed peas
• unsweetened dried coconut
• tomatoes
• tomato sauce
• roasted kabocha squash
• cocoa powder
• cumin powder
• Mexican chili powder
• cinnamon
• maple syrup
• bay leaf
• almond milk

Hell yeah! What a truck-load of random ingredients. I didn’t give the measurements because I just grabbed and threw anything and everything into the pot. I put the “weird” ingredients in bold.

It definitely tasted really complex! But in a good way. There was that smoky, spicy taste in the foreground, but also a hint of sweetness from the squash, maple syrup, coconut and almond milk that served only the accent and balance the richness of the chili.

The coconut and cocoa in there definitely made it smell gorgeous!

It definitely warmed me from the toes up to the heart

Question of the day: What do your parents do for a living? Have their occupation influenced your careers or ambitions in any way?

Transit to America

Hi guys! Sorry for the late update, but I didn’t get the chance to blog until now. I’ve had quite a full schedule!

Thank you so much for the well wishes on my testimony on Sunday. It went really well, and I was able to say and express all the important things I wanted to share, though because of time restraint I could not share every single thing I wanted to. If there was unlimited time, I could probably have talked on and on from sun-up till sun-down!

Unfortunately, thanks to a couple of my friends in the audience, my emotions got the better of me and I started weeping a bit in the middle of my testimony…When I saw them tearing up, I couldn’t contain my tears in either! But I was able to keep it in control and finish my testimony. It was mostly thanking God and my amazing friends for all their prayers and love and support, and I meant every single word of it from the depths of my heart and soul.

These 5 months in Singapore…I have learned and experienced and grown more than any 4 years in university…I am really full of joy and comfort and encouragement and gratefulness for how well God utilized my time here in Singapore. He never let a day go to waste; each day I grew stronger and bigger not only physically, but spiritually and mentally as well. How freaking blessed am I?

Anyway, since I have not blogged for awhile, I have quite a lot of pictures and things to stocked up. Please bear with me as I go a few days back in time…

On Saturday night, I had a last meeting with my friends Angeline and Serene. Angeline is also a foodie, and she knows a lot of cool places. I expressed a craving for a bit more exotic cuisine, and she suggested going to a small Moroccan deli called Mosi Cafe. She had never visited the place before, so all of us were pretty excited for our first Moroccan experience!

It took us a while to find the place, though. It was sort of hidden in the middle of a dark, suspicious-looking alley where there were a lot of middle-eastern shops, full of droopy-eyed dark teenagers smoking hookahs outdoors. 

Mosi Cafe was quite an interesting place, with gay, colorful decorations:

And there were some hookahs on display, but we were more interested in filling our bellies with real substantial food.

I was a bad foodie. I forgot to research on Moroccan food before coming, so I did not really know what to order. As I looked at the menu, most of the items sounded more Middle-eastern to me than Moroccan. Please correct me if I’m mistaken, but isn’t Morocco in Africa? I think I saw a few couscous entrees, but the majority of the menu sold sandwiches!

Anyway, I ordered Phoul, which seemed pretty authentic enough just because it had a weird name…

This was a huge dish of blended potatoes and beans, topped with a fried egg and drizzled with lots of olive oil…

It also came with a side of hot bread.

I did not really enjoy this dish. It tasted like hummus, just very acidic and sour because of the loaded olive oil. I enjoy the fragrance of olive oil from time to time, but not an excess of it! My stomach felt weird afterward because of the abundance of oil.

Serene decided to order the very unauthentic sandwich:

This was like a hot panini with a filling of potatoes, egg and cheese. And it was freaking delicious. I almost regretted not ordering a sandwich as well! But because Serene couldn’t finish it, I gladly helped her finish half of her sandwich .

Angeline ordered the Chicken Shwarma:

This was a plate of fried chicken kebabs, drizzled with hummus and ketchup, with pita pieces and fries.
We also shared a glass of dates with milk:

Basically, milk blended with sweet dates. It was very interesting and quite delicious. I thought it was just the right amount of sweetness, but Angeline wanted it to be sweeter. You could very easily recreate this by blending dates with creamy, whole milk and serving it chilled with ice. Very refreshing, and the dates sweetens the milk naturally.

Sunday afternoon, right after giving my testimony in church, I rushed off for a final farewell lunch with my old gymnastics friend Bi’e. Guess where we went?

Out of the Pan of course! Yay! It was quite fitting, I think, that I had my last dine-out meal here. The waiter actually recognized me and told Bi’e, “Ah, she’s a regular! She’s always here and knows what’s good.” Alas, he had no idea it would be my last time here, at least for a very long time.

I decided that since it was my last meal in Out of the Pan, I would order what I knew for sure was good:

The Norwegian Salmon with whole wheat crepe:

"Smoked Salmon with creamy pistachio cheese and plantation chutney”

Bi’e ordered the Dory Filet with whole wheat crepe:

"Baked Dory Filet with cucumbers and pineapple salsa in sweet and sour sauce”
And potato salad:
 
I’ll save you the obvious moans and groans over how delicious they were .

When I went home, I was pleasantly surprised to find two whole packets of fresh, pungent durian waiting for me! Liwen and Wengang are absolute angels I tell you! You can’t ever find fresh durian as good as the ones here in America, and they knew how much I loved that stinky luscious fruit, so they made sure I would satisfy my durian fix here before I left!

My flight was 10:20 pm, so I had to check-in by 9:00. A lot of my friends came to say good-bye to me in the airport. I was so touched, and my pastor even rushed from an important family birthday celebration just to give me a last handshake and do one last prayer together! I was a tiny bit worried about the time as we waited for the pastor’s arrival, and I entered the gate right at the time I was supposed to board, but thank God, the flight was actually delayed for an hour! So instead of being rushed and hurried, I had a whole hour to spare to sit and meditate and recollect myself…and even get myself a little night snack for the flight!

I found a great deli, O’Brien’s Irish Sandwiches, and got a turkey and cranberry wrap. I asked the lady to add a few thick slabs of brie cheese for an additional charge.

Unfortunately, the lady nuked the thing in the microwave, so by the time I got on the plane to enjoy it, it was all wet and soggy, so I had to eat it open-faced like this:

It was still great. The creamy, half-melted brie cheese saved it. Lesson learned: Don’t ever heat up your wrap if you’re not going to eat it right away, and a bit of good cheese makes everything better.

I enjoyed my soggy, wet wrap with a new book which my very thoughtful friend Shiya gave me just before my departure:

The plane ride was…quite uncomfortable. I was given the aisle seat, and I was practically doing all sorts of gymnastics stunts trying to make myself comfortable, but 5000 different strange and twisted poses after, I gave up. I think I barely got 2 hours of sleep total! AH! The pain and suffering of the economy seat! If I ever get to be a professional journalist, I’m demanding first-class seat for every single overseas trip I make.

And of course, economy seat comes with economy food:
 
Lukewarm omelete, dressed in some kind of tomato sauce with a fat greasy sausage and soggy fried potatoes.

Looks like shit, tastes like shit. Enough said.
The fruit was good, though. But when is fruit bad unless it’s from a can or decomposed?

The yogurt was pretty creamy and good, albeit too sweet for my taste. I just can’t stand yogurt with additional sugars. Anyone prefer tangy and plain for their yogurt as well?

When I reached Korea, it was about 7am in the morning. I would be staying in Korea for 2 additional days to meet up with my aunt and cousins. For some reason, despite the lack of sleep, I was feeling quite refreshed and energetic, especially as I breathed in the brisk, crisp air, so much sharper and cooler than the hot and humid air of Singapore. I checked myself into the hotel, then bought myself a ham and cheese sandwich for a quick snack before I headed out to meet my relatives:

Just a simple ham and cheese sandwich, but I just couldn’t resist taking a picture of it. I love how even a simple sandwich in Korea comes in such a cute, pretty package.

Okay, once again, let me just brag a little bit more about how freaking blessed I am. My aunt and two cousins drove 5 hours up to Seoul just to see me! My aunt asked for a day of leave and my cousin skipped a day of school just to see my face one last time. I was so touched and happy, and was so encouraged as they marveled over how much better I look with a bit more flesh on my face.

We were all pretty hungry then, so we headed out for lunch straight away. We went to a cafe in the airport called Paris Croissant. I ordered the Kimchi Doria:

Fried rice with kimchi, baked in the oven with Mozzarella cheese on top.

My aunt ordered the same thing, while my cousin Sora ordered the creamy seafood pasta:

This was ultra-rich and delicious.

My other cousin Yoonji ordered the hamburger steak:

She cut me an extra-fat piece, and I found the sauce really rich and flavorful, and the meat tender and moist.

We also had a basket of fresh-baked focaccia with olive oil dip:

Once again, I surprised my relatives on how well I ate. I remember when I last saw them 5 months ago on my way to Singapore, and they were all so worried about how sick I looked and how poorly I ate. I remember how much I struggled with each meal, how angry and sullen and moody I was then, how I refused to let a single grain of rice enter my mouth. I was reminded once again how much I have changed in these five months, and once again gave praise and thanksgiving to God, and felt immense comfort and hope that I will really be able to break free from my eating disorder.

After lunch we headed out to tour Seoul. It took 2 whole hours of train ride just to get into the city! My lack of sleep finally took over and I was basically a walking zombie in the streets. I fell asleep ever opportunity I got, and my aunt made sure I got a seat each time we stepped into a train or bus. Oh, I just love my aunt!

For dinner we went to Simpoo Mandu (“Mandu” means dumplings in korean), which sells typical Korean home-style fare. I ordered the pork dumplings in beef soup:

Yoonji ordered the Spicy Seafood Pan-fried udon noodles:

Sora ordered the Bulgogi casserole:

And my aunt ordered the steamed kimchi dumplings:

Then we went back to the hotel, where I dropped dead with sheer exhaustion right away. I slept for a whole 10 hours! I haven’t slept more than 8 hours in such a long time! When I woke up I had quite a headache from the excess sleep.

We had a quick breakfast. Sandwiches from a nearby convenience store:

Bulgogi (Korean-style beef) tortilla. It was just edible, nothing special except that it was a Korea-style tortilla. The beef was blah.

Then we headed out to a small island near Seoul. It was amazing…Amazingly unremarkable. The highlight of the day was feeding the seagulls on the boat ride to the island!

They are so fearless that they actually swoop down to snatch the crackers off your hands!

On the way, we also had some snacks:

Traditional Korean rice cakes! Aren’ t they so freaking pretty? These ones are filled with honey and toasted sesame seeds.

And these ones are made from rice flour and mugworth, with sweet black beans.

Once again, another fear food conquered. Rice cakes were my absolute favorite snacks. I used to plow through a whole brick of these by myself for a snack, but had not touched it ever since my ED because of the denseness of carbohydrates and calories.

I have to say, though the tour was really mediocre, I enjoyed every second I had with my relatives. It’s so weird…We only manage to see each other once every 3 years or so, but once we meet it’s like we’ve known each other forever. We’re just so familiar with each other and there is such tangible, sincere love and friendship between us. I guess you just can’t fool blood ties!

We had our final lunch together today before my relatives had to return back to their hometown at the airport’s foodcourt. Here I decided to end things with a bang. I faced another huge fear food of mine by ordering a whole bowl of noodles for myself:

Jja jang myeon. Noodles in Korean-Chinese style black soybean sauce.

I remember begging my mother to buy this for me every time I returned to Korea. The fermented, strong black soybean sauce with abundant pieces of meat and vegetables, mixed with the long, chewy noodles was one of my favorite foods. I had not eaten it in 7 years  because of ED. It’s quite calorie-dense, so I avoided it like the plague. I felt so…free ordering this and actually finishing it myself. Just 5 months ago, if you had told me I would be eating this, I would have laughed in your face. I can’t believe the leaps and conquers I’ve made over the last few months!

My cousin ordered the Spicy Seafood noodle soup:

Just FYI, we call it Jjam bong in Korea. It’s another favorite Korean twist on Chinese cuisine. The soup is really spicy and full of all sorts of seafood like squid, shrimp, clams, octopus, etc. Very flavorful, and clears the sinuses right up!

My aunt went traditional with fried kimchi rice on a hot plate:

If you like fried rice and kimchi, you definitely have to give this a try. Just fry your rice up as you would with normal fried rice, but with lots of sliced, extra-fermented kimchi. Awesome, especially served on a hot plate so that the rice is all toasted and crunchy.

Well, now I’m alone in my hotel room after having said a last farewell with my relatives…My head is whirling from all the sad farewells and fears foods and dining outs that I’m pretty numb and don’t really know what to think. Tomorrow I’ll be boarding an early flight back to America, and I cannot wait to see my parents again.

Here’s the thing: I have gained 15-20 lbs since I last saw my parents. I have not told them I’ve gained weight, and whenever they asked over their weekly phone calls, I’d evaded the question. So they have no idea what to expect, but I’m hoping they get a nice little surprise to see me with a bit more flesh on my cheeks, a bit more bounce to my step, and a whole new attitude in my spiritual and mental health! They have been the most understanding, most patient, most loving parents ever even throughout my deepest, ugliest state of ED, so I hope my little recovery will be the best present for all their pain and sufferings as they watched ED rot me away.

Well, I’ve got to go now, but I will catch up with all of you once again when I’m back home in the States! TTYL!

Question of the day: What do you think of plane food? Anyone ever experienced the luxury of first-class plane food?