A Diarrhea of Pictures

I really shouldn’t be posting. I should be working on my new domain, but I can’t help it. It’s driving me insane and right now, and I just need the comfort of sticking to something that is basic and straightforward. Besides, I have tons and tons of pictures. So brace yourself. This post is gonna be a picture-diarrhea.

I usually only take pictures of food, but recently I’ve been taking more pictures of people, and less of food. I just haven’t been eating anything too interesting, since my parents are basically kimchi-and-rice people, and I don’t want to fill the fridge with “my” food (i.e: cheese) when I’ll be leaving in about 2 weeks.

Thus, I’ve found a more interesting model…My cousin! She flew in to Virginia to visit for the holidays, since otherwise she would be all alone in San Francisco…Say hi to Clara!
Isn’t she cute? She’s 2 years younger than me, the same age as my brother.
And yeah, we look nothing alike.

Today, I took her to Washington D.C to take some pictures. My brother was our chauffeur, and his best friend, Chulhan, tagged along so my brother wouldn’t be the only male.

We basically stuck to a few tourist spots, just so Clara could brag to her friends that she visited the nation’s capitol. We went to the Washington Monument:
Clara and I:
My brother and Chulhan:
We also went to the World War II Memorial:
Hey, California!
I want to go back to the warm sunny weather…What can I say? I’m a wimp when it comes to cold weathers!

My brother makes the sketchiest expressions…
Clara makes the cutest expressions…
And I just look so damn cool whatever expression or poses I make!
I bitch about how boring DC is, but I had no idea how beautiful and well-kept it can be…even in the winter with bald trees!
God was definitely on our side today. The weather was actually perfect!
Final stop was the Lincoln Memorial:
Hi, Lincoln, old fella! Watcha up to?
Poor Lincoln, sitting there all day watching idiots like me taking pictures of him looking at me…
And then we stopped by for Starbucks. I’ve been deprived of coffee in my parents’ house, so my first real-brewed coffee (not the instant crap) in several days tasted like liquid crack to me!
Oh, Starbucks God, I worship thee! (Please don’t report me for heresy)
I’ve also been baking up a storm! C & H Sugar generously provided me with a $20 gift certificate to pay for baking supplies to bake from their recipe collection. Check out their ample selection here…It took me several hours to read through each recipe, and I finally decided on four. I made the first two yesterday.

First, Crunchy Granola!
Easiest recipe ever…just mix ingredients together, and bake!
 Oats, maple syrup, walnuts, coconut, sunflower seeds, C & H brown sugar, vegetable oil, cinnamon…The only changes I made was I used half-honey half-maple syrup, and added almonds and ground ginger. Bake for 45 minutes…
And the BEST granola ever. Honestly. It was superb. I let my dad sample some, and he demanded I make another batch for him. Yes, demanded. This is hot stuff!
All packaged and ready to send to some special people…:-)

I also baked their Cinnamon Apple Coffee Cake:
The only difference I made was that I used butter instead of oil, and I made it in four layers rather than three.
The result? Utter bliss. This was chock-full of apples! And sooo rich and moist…Amazing!
Even my cousin, who insists that she “hates” cinnamon, couldn’t stop eating it.
Can you see the four alternating layers of apples, cinnamon-sugar, and rich cake? Yumm…

Already, both recipes I’ve tested turned out hugely successful. I can’t wait to try out the other two recipes I have in mind from C & H Sugar’s recipe collection! Thanks, C & H!

In addition to those two goodies, I also tried my own savory version of nuts:

Zesty Nuts

• 1 stick butter
• 4 cups whole walnuts
• 4 cups peanuts
• 1 cup sesame seeds
• grated Parmesan (the one that comes in a can)
• dried Italian herb mix
• Paprika
• Worcestershire sauce
• Tabasco sauce
• salt and pepper

Directions: Melt butter over stove-top. Stir in walnuts, peanuts, and sesame seeds. Mix in the spices and seasonings, according to taste. Spread into a baking sheet, and bake at 350 degrees in the oven until nice and crunchy.

I actually thought it was pretty good…It has a distinct, savory flavor, with a buttery, yet crunchy texture. My parents, however, thought it needed some honey. They like their nuts caramelized and sweet.
Here’s the zesty nuts, packaged:
I used Martha Stewart’s gift bags. Not sure I like the woman, but she does have a great sense of style.

I’ve also been writing my hand off in cards!

Ah, winter holidays. I actually really enjoy doing all these stuff, but thank goodness it’s only once a year, because otherwise, my expression would probably look like this:

Hahahaha! Just had to share it, because it cracks me up every time I look at it!

I’ve got to jet now, but I forgot to say the most important thing ever…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Question of the day: What are you baking/making for the holidays?

Oh My Cheese!

A reader left a comment on my last post about letting go of everything eating disordered:

“Well, you still do drink diet coke, and you’re not even diabetic. Isn’t that still part of ED behavoiior?”

Whoops. Busted!

Yup, I still do drink diet soda, and I’ve never been secretive about that fact. Yeah, yeah, how could I, it’s so unhealthy, all that artificial sweeteners, blah blah blah.

First of all, let me make it clear that I have never said I’m totally recovered yet. Yes, I still have my vices. I still have things to work on. I still have instinctual thoughts and behaviors that are very much part of my eating disorder. I guess I didn’t make myself clear enough, but when I said to make a “complete turnover”, I realize that it is quite impossible to make that change all at once. I’m still in the progress of losing each smudge and traces of ED, but I have no doubt that one day, I will make it. I want to destroy every part of ED inside of me. Time will tell.

Taylor from Joy of Food wrote something with which I agreed:

“I think it can be hard to know for sure you’re recovered, until many many years later……So does that mean I’m not fully recovered? Who knows, all I know for sure is I’m happy, healthy and ED can get lost. ”

Tee hee hee! I love that mentality. In a way, recovery itself can be a major stress factor if we’re going to continue debating over whether this or that is truly ED or not, etc. We just have to keep in mind the ultimate goal: To be happy, to be healthy, and to tell ED to f**k off (I wish smileys had a middle-finger).

On that note, let me share my “excuse” for why I drink diet soda: I’ve always drunk diet coke, even way before my ED. Why? Because for some goddamn reason, I thought it was the “cool” thing to do.

Don’t laugh! When I first started drinking diet soda, I was 11, and it was a new thing in Singapore. I had no idea what “diet” or “light” meant. Calories meant nothing to me. In fact, I didn’t even know about calories until I moved to America. But a lot of the older women I admired drank diet soda. In the commercials, the sexy women drank diet soda. Thus, I thought diet soda must be the sexier version of regular soda. And I’ve been drinking diet soda ever since. Now, I’m just used to that taste of aspartame, and regular coke tastes weird to me.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let me share some frighteningly good news. I RECEIVED MY CABOT CHEESE! I won more than 4 lbs of cheese from Biz’s giveaway, and I had been impatiently waiting for it for more than a month! 
Oh, what a thing of beauty! Oh my Lord! Oh Lordie!

An assortment of cheddar and pepper jack cheeses:
 50% cheddar, 75% cheddar, and 50% pepper jack.

But the most exciting thing was this hunky baby:
 Extra sharp VINTAGE cheddar cheese…aged a minimum of 2 years!!!
I can’t believe I received a whole brick of this amazing thing! I was ecstatic! I nibbled on it right away, and the taste was fan-freakin-tastic!
I knew I had to come up with a recipe worthy of this lovely cheese. I turned to something else kind of vintage:
 Leftover carved turkey. Not from Thanksgiving (I already ate them all), but snitched from the dining hall (Shhhh…). Anyway, I hope this dish did the cheese justice:

Leftover Turkey Enchilada with Fruits and White Cheddar

• 3 corn tortillas
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 red onion, diced
• 1 slice turkey, diced
• 1/2 Granny smith apple, diced
• small handful raisins
• 1/4 cup almond milk
• 1 mini-bottle of pear, honey, and ginger preserves
• Mango-Habanera salsa
• 1/2 cup shredded white cheddar cheese
• 1/4 cup cottage cheese
• 2 stalks green onion, chopped

Cook the garlic and red onion, then toss in the turkey dices, apple, and raisins. Pour in the almond milk and preserves, then spoon in some salsa, tasting as you go. Cook until the fruit is soft but not mushy. Then mix in the cottage cheese and with half of the cheddar cheese and chopped green onions.

Meanwhile, heat up the 3 corn tortillas on top of a skillet. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Spoon the filling into each tortilla and roll it up, making sure to leave some for topping. Assemble them into a baking dish. Top with leftover filling, and sprinkle with the rest of the cheddar cheese and green onions:
Bake for about 20 minutes, or until the tortillas are crispy and the cheese on top is melted. Ta-da!
This is the second time I’ve made “enchiladas”! Of course they’re not the traditional kind, but these are good, too!
The pear, honey, and ginger preserves I used was from the swag bag from the Foodbuzz Festival, from a company called Quince & Apple:
It was a tiny bottle. I was sad to see it all gone in one day. But it was freaking worth it!

The salsa I used was yet another sample from the Foodbuzz Festival:
 Big Orson’s Mango-Habarnaro Salsa. Hot. Sweet. I like!

I’m sure you can substitute any other preserves or salsa you feel like, as long as it’s kind of fruity.

For the cheese, I just used the good ol’ hand-grater to grate my precious vintage cheddar cheese:
This dish was mildly sweet, but spicy and cheesy and tangy at the same time. It was perfect. Of course, I think everything I cook is perfect.
  But come on. This thing was perfection.
Turkey tastes so much better with some kind of fruity sauce. And cheese, of course.
I love how the tortilla gets all crunchy in the end:

And the melted cheese all over:
Fantastic. Perfectly filling, too. Please, if you’ve got any leftover turkey, make this dish. Your tummy will kiss you.

I still have some leftover turkey. I can’t wait to experiment more with it!

Question of the day: What did you do with your leftover turkey? If you were me, what would you do with all that cheese?

Thank God There Is No Forever 21

I love the American system of determining one’s age. You are allowed to stick to your previous age until you hit your birthday, and you don’t turn one until you live outside of your mother’s womb for a whole year.

Now, compare it to Korean age reckoning. Your age starts at conception, not birth, and you gain a year each time you pass a new year. So, by Korean age reckoning, I am…23 years old, and just 2 months away from becoming 24 years old (!!).

But thankfully, I live in America, and I can still gleefully declare that I am 21 without being a liar. But of course, there is no such thing as Forever 21. Because in just 2 days, I turn 22. Dun dun dun…

I remember that when I was a kid, turning older was a big, flashy event. The day I turned 11, I proudly told my parents I am no longer a kid, but a “mature” teenager (Like that’s a good thing? Helloooo puberty!). It took me about 3 more years to actually start becoming a bit more mature, but the fact that I could no longer count my age with my ten fingers thrilled me.

But then, birthdays started becoming a drag. Why? It was nothing but a single day in a year. But the fact that it was supposed to be special, supposed to be celebratory, made it all the more depressing when the day did not measure up to expectations. On my 14th birthday, I spent the night crying in bed because I had just moved to America and had little friends, and my mom bought me the ugliest winter jacket from Costco for my birthday present (I’d wanted a cute peacoat).

On my 17th birthday, I cried all night again, but for a more serious reason—I was distraught in despair, as I felt myself sink lower and lower into my anorexia.

On my 18th birthday, I once again cried all day—It was only a few weeks since I had been sent home from Northwestern because of my eating disorder.

On my 19th birthday, I cried again because I was missing my parents. I had moved out a couple months earlier after a huge fight with them, and I had relapsed, hard.

On my 20th and 21st birthday, I did not cry. I was just far too emotionally detached to have any sort of real, painful feelings. I woke up, I went out for an obscenely long walk, I came back home, I obsessed over my food rituals, I went to bed with nothing to look forward to. No hope, no excitement, no nothing.

And here comes my 22nd birthday on Wednesday. Honestly, I’m still not sure how exactly I feel about my birthday. But I do know I am feeling something. It’s a mix of “Holy shit I am freaking old!” and “Wow, look at how much I changed in a year” and “Thank you Lord, for letting me still be alive”.

I can’t describe it. But overall, I can say I’m feeling positive. Hopeful. A bit annoyed at how fast life passes by, but ultimately, pleased and thankful to God who has sustained me through piles of crap and drama, and to all the lovely people out there who have patiently endured me.

By the way, one thing I will not be having on my 22nd birthday is that stinky seaweed soup Koreans traditionally eat during birthdays. Thank goodness I’m away from my mother on my birthday, or she might have tried to make me  have some. However, there is another birthday tradition, common among the Chinese, which is eating noodles. The long strands is supposed to symbolize longevity.

I don’t care for longevity, but I’ll take the noodles!

Hot & Cold Pasta Salad

For the pasta dressing:

• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup freshly-squeezed orange juice
• 1/2 cup POM juice
• 1 tablespoon dijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
• milk (according to taste)
• salt and pepper

For the “hot” ingredients:

• olive oil
• 1/2 large red onion, sliced thinly
• 2 links Trader Joe’s Apple-Chardonnay sausages, sliced
• grated orange zest

For the “cold” ingredients:

• 1/2 green apple, thinly sliced
• handful dried berries
• handful dry-roasted pistachios
• basil leaves, chopped finely
• 2 cups chopped romaine lettuce
• handful feta cheese

For the pasta:

• about 5-6 oz whole-grain linguine (did not measure)

water and salt

Mix all the dressing ingredients together, set aside.

Bring a pot of water to boil with salt, and cook the linguine according to packet directions.

Meanwhile, cook the onions with the oil on a skillet until slightly softened, then add in the sausages. Pour in the dressing, and cook until the onions are soft and caramelized, and the sausages are cooked through. Grate in the orange zest.

Once the pasta is done, drain it, then toss into the hot ingredients. Turn off heat.

In a large salad bowl, toss all the cold ingredients except the feta cheese with the skillet ingredients. Mix well, then dish out onto a plate, and top with feta cheese. Grate more black pepper and orange zest if you like.
Look at that! Why only eat this on your birthdays? I wouldn’t mind eating this everyday!
I loved all the different components of this dish. Sort of like a hot pasta, but tossed into a salad. There are the hot, caramelized onions, and the hot, charred sausages…
Balancing out the cold,  refreshing lettuce, the tart green apples, the crunchy pistachios, the chewy dried berries…
A toast to our longevity!
And another toast to a great friend who waited patiently for me to be done taking pictures!
Obviously, this dish was a bit pre-mature. It’s not my birthday yet, but I think I know what I’ve having on Wednesday!

Question of the day: What is your birthday tradition? Doesn’t really have to be food, though that would always be welcome!

The Blogger Meet-Up that Almost Wasn’t

You know, God is gracious. No matter where I go, He puts beautiful people in my path. Or maybe it’s because he has changed my perception so that in my eyes, every single person I meet is just so freaking wonderful.

You all know I’m not a party person. In truth, I haven’t attended a lot of events that has been going on around the campus because they just didn’t appeal to me. While a lot of new students have been rushing or hopping around different parties and activities in search of new friends, I’ve shied away to the privacy of my own room.

Yet…I haven’t been lonely. In a wondrous way, God has been sending people to me, linking them to me so that I am actually forming real and valuable relationships with people I can relate to. Can you believe I’ve already met two fellow pastor’s daughters? One is also Korean, and the other is from Ghana! Furthermore, last Sunday, I missed the tram to Target due to Sunday service…and then met a whole new group of Christian people who offered to give me a ride! How incredibly amazing and spectacular is God’s work?
Another reason I’m so freaking blessed— I feel like I have connections all over the world. Okay, okay, some of you might scorn at my naivety for feeling a connection with bloggers I have never ever met, but there are some kind of… special bond I feel with several bloggers with whom I have interacted for many months. Yes, I have a fierce fondness for a lot of you…I have to admit that the joy that springs within me when you share good news, or the pain that stings me when you are down is very, very real to me.

That said, it is always an extremely nice feeling to be able to place a face behind the person whose blog you have been reading for so long. Yesterday, I got the pleasure to meet two of them— Mimi from Damn the Freshman 15, and Emily from Curly Top.

The moment I saw them, I thought, “Freaking whoa they are so pretty!!!” And indeed they are!
Look at them, with their beautiful smiles (Mimi to the left, Emily to the right). They’re both quite the fashionistas, too, with cute outfits and accessories. I should have asked them for fashion tips, but that didn’t really cross my mind until…well, now.

But let me backtrack to the beginning…this blogger meet-up was quite a headache to arrange! Here’s what happened in simple steps:

1. First off, since neither Mimi nor I had a car and the public transportation in LA pretty much sucks ass, our choices for location was rather limited…
   
2. After much intensive “research”, we decided on the Galen Center in USC’s campus because apparently it’s got good Chilean Sea Bass…and then later found out it was closed on weekends
   
3. I did some more research to come up with several more options, and we chose Warafu Cafe…except discovered it doesn’t do lunch on Saturdays…at the last minute!
   
4. In a frantic I did even more research, and suggested Nickel Diner…and then discovered it was closed (for whatever crazy reason) from Aug 24 to Sep 7!
   
5. Holy shit, shdhfdhosjbdjbf! So I did a final research, and at the last possible minute we came to the conclusion on lunching at the Pete’s Cafe & Bar.

Finally, our headache came to an end. To Pete’s Cafe we go!
  It was a pretty nice airy place with high ceilings, but the interior wasn’t that impressive. What I was impressed with was that there were quite a lot of people even in the late afternoon. Perhaps we made the right choice after all!

One of the reasons we chose this place was because Emily just recently started eating fish, and Pete’s offered an Ahi Tuna Sandwich. Yes, it would be the first time Emily has tried tuna!

She ordered the Ahi Tuna Sandwich, but in salad-form without the bread:
 Seared ahi tuna steak, daikon sprouts, mixed baby greens with sesame rice vinaigrette, and wasabi mayonnaise with a fortune cookie

It even came with a pair of chopsticks! I tried to teach her how to use it…but…let’s just say she ended up having to use the fork after all. No worries, dear Emily, you’ve got that Korean roommate to teach you for four years!
The presentation was very pretty. “A” for effort on the chef, though they messed up and sent her a sandwich the first time.

Both Mimi and I ended up ordered the same thing, the Smoked Turkey and Brie:                                             
 Smoked turkey breast, creamy brie cheese, fresh basil, and sweet apples on toasted focaccia. Side of salad greens.
  Haha, are you even surprised that I ordered this? The combination of creamy brie cheese and sweet apples was hard to resist!
This sandwich was, in one word, amazing. The bread was delicious and lightly toasted. Though I did detect a thick smear of mayonnaise, it actually went rather well with the other ingredients. The brie was just the right amount, though of course me being the cheese-whore wouldn’t have minded if it was just a tiny bit thicker.
I just wish there was more apples though. They served us anorexic apples. Boo.
Another mention about the service: It freaking sucked. We had to wait a good 30 minutes to get our drinks, and then another 30 minutes for our dishes to be served, and even then they messed it up the first time. It took another good 20 minutes for the waitress to pick up our tab! Okay honestly I didn’t really notice too much because I was busy yabbering away with my dear bloggers, so this won’t be an otherwise scathing review.

At least the bathrooms were nice and spacious!
After our lunch we set out to Grand Central Market again, which was only about 0.2 miles away:
Yay cheap fruits! Mimi and I stocked up on our fruit supply happily. She got two packets of raspberries for just a $1! I myself bought blueberries, strawberries, white nectarines, Korean zucchinis, and figs.

I made a terrible choice with the figs though. They were the most expensive…but they tasted horrible. It had no juice in it. It practically tasted and felt like a dried-out sponge. I thought I was gonna cry when I bit into it. Darn it! Anyone ever come across such a damned fig? Yes, damn fig! Grrr….

Okay, think happy thoughts…

Ah yes. The blogger meet-up. Let me just say…I’ve had quite a number of meet-ups already, and every single blogger I’ve met have surpassed my imagination in that they are way more freaking awesome than I even imagined. Who have I met? Hands up, that’s you I’m talking about!

As I said, we bloggers just have a connection. The minute we met, we were just chatting away like old friends. Both Emily and Mimi are absolutely brilliant and stunning people, both inside and out. Emily is really cute and endearing with her petite and bubble ways, and Mimi is witty and engaging with her melodious Texas drawl. I love them!

It was sad to say goodbye to Emily, because she is leaving all the way to the west coast in a week to RISD. She is a smart and talented one, this girl, I know she’ll go far. Watch out for her! She might just be the next big thing in the graphic design and magazine world!

But it was a joyful farewell with Mimi, because tee hee…I’ll be seeing her much often since we go to the same school…

Oh, did I not mention that Mimi goes to USC, too? And that she’s also a sophomore-transfer? And that she’s also a journalism major, and a fellow staff writer for the Daily Trojan, our school student-newspaper?

Yes, how freaking blessed am I to be schoolmates with such a cool person? We’ve got plans to brainstorm for foodie articles in the Daily Trojan, whip up fusion recipes in my kitchen, and just hit interesting places to eat around campus together. Watch out for us, USC!

P.S. I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet many of you LA bloggers…I hope there is a next time!

First Day of Class

“Did you pack your pencils? Be good and listen to the teacher!”

That’s what my friend said jokingly to me this morning as we set off to our respective classes, and I was hit by a wave of déjà vu. It reminded me so much of the time back when I was a pre-schooler, being tucked off with my new backpack by my parents, nervous and excited about my first class, my new classmates and my new teachers.

Can I just say what a freaking great feeling it is to trot off into the sea of busy students again, carrying my heavy backpack, stuffed with  textbooks and notepaper and pens? Oh dear, it’s been too long since I’ve been a student, too long since I felt so…normal. Like I was finally playing my part in society.

Except this time, my parents weren’t there to make sure I’d packed everything, to fuss over my breakfast and my hair and my lunch money. I woke up early, went out for a refreshing run, made a decent breakfast, and headed out for class early, all by myself.

All throughout this, though I was alone, I was pleasantly aware that God was watching out for me. He was the proud parent today, beaming that His little girl is all grown up. And it made me feel so warm and toasty inside!

But truthfully I was once again feeling rather self-conscious as I walked into my lecture hall…
 Look at them! They all look so young! It was like high schoolers playing pretend grown-ups. There was even that ubiquitous group of “popular” wannabe-sorority girls sporting their glittery “Go Greek” shirts (See far left, the blonde girl in the black). Urgh.

Still, first class went marvelous. I actually really liked my professor; he seemed cool and passionate about his subject, which is a crucial thing to me. This class is hard-core though. I already have an essay due next class! Sorry for sounding like a total nerd, but I can’t wait to get started on that (Which I will as soon as I’m done with this blog post)!

The next class was cancelled because it was a discussion class, so I had quite a bit of time to start making lunch. And to commemorate my first day of class, I decided to whip up something kinda special.

It was mad-hot today, so I wanted something light and summery, yet substantial. This is what I came up with:

Summery Chicken Tostadas with Squash, Coleslaw, and Avocado-Creme

• 2 corn tortillas
• 1/4 cup shredded red cabbage
• 1/4 cup grated apple
• juice of lime
• 1/4 ripe avocado, mashed
• plain yogurt (equal amount to avocado)
• 1 Laughing Cow wedge
• ground cumin
• salt and pepper
• olive oil
• 1 garlic, minced
• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 1 small summer squash, chopped
• 1/2 cup diced chicken (I used to pre-grilled kind from Costco)
• balsamic vinegar
• tabasco sauce
• lime zest

First, spray the corn tortillas with olive oil, and bake until crispy and toasted in a 350 degree oven.

Meanwhile, mix the cabbage and apple together. Squeeze in some lime juice. Season with salt and pepper.
Next, mix together the avocado, yogurt, and LC wedge. Squeeze in some more lime juice to taste. Season with cumin, salt and pepper.
Now heat up some olive oil on a pan. Once hot, toss in the garlic and onion, stir until fragrant. Mix in the summer squash and keep cooking until semi-soft. Stir in the chicken, add balsamic vinegar, tabasco sauce, and lime zest to taste. Season with cumin, salt and pepper.

Once the tostadas are baked, take them out of the oven. Layer on the apple-cabbage coleslaw. Pile on the squash-chicken mixture, then drizzle with the avocado creme.
Pretty damn impressive if I say so myself! Sometimes I amaze myself with my ingenuity. Haha, modest I am not!

I have to say, I LOVE my kitchen because it’s perfect for photography…TONS of natural light!
Ahhh…And the taste? Absolutely gorgeous. I loved the textures of the crispy baked tostada shell, the crunchy coleslaw, and the chewiness of the chicken, the softness of the cooked squash, and the creaminess of the avocado creme.
It was perfect summer food. I liked that you got the cold summery coleslaw, but also the hot chicken stir-fry. Great combination!
And what a stroke a brilliance that I added cumin and tabasco sauce! Gotta have a kick to it, right?
The problem was that this was much too good. I rushed off to another history lecture right after lunch, and I kind of…dozed off. Oops. But in my defense, the professor had the lights turned off, and his voice was monotone! Oh noooo! I guess I’ll have to pack some munchies to class as to keep myself awake.

After this class I went grocery shopping again and bought a case of 30-eggs:
As you can see, I already finished my carton of 18-eggs. Eggs never lasted long in my home in Virginia; I guess they don’t last long here either!

I also bought a mini-watermelon, some peaches, some pears, some apples, some oranges, some bell peppers, a can of chipotle peppers, a jar of pickles, and some chicken breasts . And I wonder why I’m always broke.

By the way, thanks for all your well wishes! As you can see, I had a pretty good first day! Woo-hoo! Come back several days later and I might be singing a different tune, though…We’ll see!

Have a great Monday, everybody!   

We shoot. We eat. We rock!

One of the reasons I chose journalism as my major was because I love meeting new people. Being a passionate person with passionate values and interests, I get fueled and stirred by the passions of other people as well.

That is also precisely why I love blogger meet-ups. I get to meet people who share the same common interest as me (food!), but still have their own individual and different hobbies and dreams.

Today, I met up with two more amazing food bloggers: Rebecca from All Vegged Out and Karena from Run, Eat, Repeat. They live all the way in DC, and Rebecca first let me know about this really cool place called Busboys and Poets that is not just a restaurant but also a bookstore, fair trade market and gathering place for poets. Of course, I grasped at this chance to meet up with the fabulous Rebecca and Karena!

We decided to meet up for a late lunch. I told Rebecca to look out for a “skinny Asian girl who looks lost” but I should have told her to look out for a “skinny Asian girl with eye bags and a green pallor who looks lost”.

I must have been super-tired from my trip to NoCal, because I slept all the way to 12:30 pm!! I awoke in a hurry, grabbed something light to gobble down, then rushed out to the metro. I also stupidly read a book in the metro, and by the end of the hour-long metro ride, I was nauseated and close to hurling into the streets.

So yeah, I definitely was not looking my best when I first met my two dear fellow bloggers! But the sight of their bright faces cheered me up a lot and my nausea abated.  

Okay, can I first give a loud applause to Rebecca for choosing the most fabulous place ever? I just had to take a picture of the indoors, but this just doesn’t do it justice:
The decorations were hip, yet quaint; upscale, yet casual. I don’t know how to describe it, but if you’re ever in DC, you just have to hit by this place!

We took awhile to decide on what we want, because every single thing in the menu sounded so. freaking. good. I wanted to order everything in there! But we finally made our respective choices by the time the waiter came by for the third time.

Rebecca ordered the Grilled Brie Panini:
Brie with spinach, caramelized onion, tomatoes on ciabatta. Side of sweet potato fries.
 Karena ordered the Avocado Panini:
 Avocado with havarti,sprouts,roasted pepper spread on ciabatta. Side of sweet potato fries.
I ordered the Sweet Fuji Apple and Gorgonzola sandwich:
 Sweet Fuji Apple and Gorgonzola with fig spread on walnut raisin bread. Side of seasonal fruits.
I’d ordered the fruit as a side because I was still feeling pretty sick and the thought of greasy fries made me want to puke, but when I tried a bite of Rebecca’s fries, I totally regretted not ordering them myself! They were freaking awesome, with the natural sweetness of the sweet potato, sort of chewy, and not greasy at all. Oh well. This’ll be a good excuse to visit again!
Anyway, my sandwich was…oh my God. I would have broken up into a love ballad if I hadn’t wanted to embarrass Rebecca and Karena, but it was just…just perfect. Words fail on me.
Crusty grilled bread chock-full of crunchy walnuts and plump juicy raisins, smeared with the perfect amount of gorgonzola cheese, paired with that sweetness of the fig spread and the thin-sliced crispy apples…

The best part was when the food arrived, all three of us swiped out our cameras. Yo, what can I say? We’re food bloggers. We take pictures of our food. We’re cool. We’re super amazing. I say people who don’t take pictures of their food are the weirdos! Ha ha!

I won’t bore you with every single detail of our conversation, but I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. The great thing is we don’t just talk about food. I loved getting to know them better, and it’s so nice to get more personal with someone you only know through the World Wide Web.

Rebecca is this really sweet girl who actually has a character of iron-steel inside. her. She left her family to live all by herself in DC, just to be able to teach in the nation’s worst education system! And Karena is a really fun, vibrant personality, and I really admired how she is living life to its fullest. She has already run two marathons, and will be running her third one in New York soon. Even if you can’t go personally to cheer her on the sidelines on that big day, please jump over to show her some support!  

Thanks, Rebecca and Karena, for a great afternoon!

By the way, I was so happy to come back home to three packages!

First is a bunch of candies from Nat of Eating to Live, who sent this over all the way from Britain!
And the giveaway I won from Meghan:
And the other giveaway I won from Heather of Girlichef!
I can’t wait to bake!
Dang, how lucky can a girl be? *GRIN*

Well, I’ve got to go take another nap (what is wrong with my body? I never sleep this much!) but tomorrow, I’ll update on Part II of my trip in San Francisco!

Question of the day: Have you had a blogger meet-up yet? What do you like most about it?

A Flipping Turn on ED and Chicken Salad

Why are you guys all so freaking amazing? Seriously. Every of your comments on my last post really rocked. It made me smile, laugh, tear up, and wise up at the same time. A big fat thank you for all of your support and encouragements and empathy!

That said, I feel my last post was rather inadequate. As I read back the previous post, I seemed to have cast the poor lady from my church in a negative light. I really didn’t mean to. My main purpose was to acknowledge my continuing struggle with ED, and confirm how there can be sweetness even in these struggles.

I’ve been thinking more deeply about the lessons I learned during my church retreat. One thing learned is the clear reminder of how swift and sly ED can be. It’s like a vulture perched up high with a ravenous gaze, hunting for any opportunity to swoop in and attack my thoughts and mind. I really have to be vigilant and protect my heart and mind at all times.

I’ve told my parents about how upset I was by the comment that the lady (and many others) had made, and one thing they said really hit me: “It’s good that you tolerated these remarks. But you can’t just tolerate it. You’ll be hearing these insensitive and triggering remarks all the time for the rest of your life. What will happen then? One day you might just blow up. You can’t just bear with it and keep it inside. You’ve got to deal with it, and eliminate the source of why such comments bothers you at all.”

My parents are right. I can’t let ED use triggering comments as a continuous strategy to hinder my way to total recovery. More insensitive and upsetting remarks are bound to come, and I can’t let them make me stumble ever again. I almost crumbled the last time, but I’ve learned my lesson.

Also, one of my commenters, L, said something that really resonated to me: “That woman may not have been the most tactful and she may not have realized that what she was saying really wasn’t what a recovering anorexic wants to hear – BUT, she obviously cares about you a great deal, praising the Lord for His help in your recovery. To have her believe that your recovery is THAT important that she would praise and worship God for it, well…that’s quite something. I can imagine her praying for you, remembering the sight of you eating and praising Him, asking for His mercy and grace in continuing to help you in your struggle.”

You know what? L is a freaking wise person. That lady, as clueless and ignorant about ED as she was, said that out of love for me, and overwhelming joy that I am on the path to recovery. I should not just dwell on the words that she said, but her overall intention.

And from here I have discovered the secret to maintaining peace even when people say such “rude” and “infuriating” remarks to me: Instead of getting angry at them, I will try to be grateful to them for their love and attention, appreciating their true underlying good intentions.

Scenario #1:
ED-ignaromous: “You’ve gotten fatter!”
Me: “Thanks! Fat is the new sexy, did you hear?”

Scenario #2:
ED-ignaromous: “You’re eating all that?”
Me: “Yup. Can you believe I used to gnaw only on lettuce and carrots all day? And aw, I know you wish you could eat as much as me. But please don’t be jealous. It’s really not that big a deal!”

Ha ha ha! Can you believe what a huge turn of situation this will be? ED will be stunned into a total loss and confusion.

Anyway. Today’s lunch was a flipping spin on the classic chicken salad. Remember my “Hint of Fruit” Chicken Salad? Well, I still had some grilled chicken leftover, and I decided to create a totally unexpected twist on chicken salad…

Spicy Peanut Butter Cinnapple-raisin Chicken Salad

• 1 cup grilled chicken, cubed or shredded
• 1/2 cup whipped cottage cheese
• spoonful Greek yogurt
• spoonful crunchy peanut butter
• 1 chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced
• 1/2 large apple, diced
• 2 tablespoons raisins
• 2 tablespoons dry-roasted peanuts, crushed
• cinnamon, to taste
• brown sugar, to taste
• salt and pepper, to taste

The directions are really complicated: Mix everything together. Taste and test as you go. Phew!

I slathered the whole thing on a toasted jumbo whole-wheat English muffin:
Did the ingredients surprise you? I know it looks kinda crappy, but trust me: This is freaking good.

My favorite parts were the chewy, plump raisins and the crunchy bits of crushed peanuts.

The spice and smokiness of the chipotle peppers and adobo sauce really kicked it up a few notches!

The apple, cinnamon, brown sugar and raisins also added a bit of dessert-like components of an apple pie…

Man oh man…Just look at that foodie jewel!

Question of the day: What is your secret to maintaining inner peace even in the face of upsetting comments from other people?

Hey there, Ugly!

An anonymous commenter asked why I don’t ever post pictures of myself. This was about the fourth time I got questions like that, so I guess it’s time to answer that.

First of all, I’m still not exactly at a healthy weight right now. I still have some more to go before I meet my ideal weight, and I don’t want to post any pictures of a skinny me that may trigger anybody or give the wrong impression that I’m glorifying a stick-figure.

However, I will be posting pictures of myself soon sometime, once I meet my target weight. I plan to post my “before and after” pictures, and share a bit more about my eating disorder history in details…and one of them will be revealing my previous weight.

But I don’t feel it is the right time to show myself right now…Part of it stems from my self-ego: I want to have that “after” picture with my “before” picture, you know? Also, I am really afraid I might trigger other girls struggling with eating disorders by showcasing just one ED picture me and not the better picture of me without ED.

Still, my “before and after” pictures will probably be the only time I post pictures of myself. Truthfully, I’m not the kind of person who enjoys taking pictures of myself. I don’t really like to look at myself…I rarely even look into the mirror, so plastering big pictures of me all over my blog will just be so unnatural and awkward for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I love seeing other people’s pictures on their blog…it’s nice to see their beautiful faces behind their writing; it shows a more personal side to them. But it’s just not my thing, and seriously, my face is really not much to look at! Food pictures look waaaay more gorgeous than me! So all of you who have been asking me about my pictures…You asked for it, but you’re gonna be disappointed. xp

Speaking of not much to look at…today we had our weekly prayer group at my house again. I was really fretting by this morning because I still had no idea what to make for dinner. I knew I wanted to make something with polenta, but I couldn’t find any recipes online that really hit my fancy. By noon, I was ready to get pizza delivery or just lay out some bread and cheese. Ever heard of writer’s block? I got the cook’s block.

At the last minute I just decided to use whatever’s in the kitchen. I had grits, tomato sauce, andouille sausages, and several types of leftover cheese. This is what I came up with:

Polenta Casserole with Andouille and Apples

For the polenta:

• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 cups chicken broth
• 4 cups water
• 2 bay leafs
• 2 cups grits
• salt and pepper

For the filling:

• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 large onion, diced
• 4 links of Andouille sausages
• 1/2 large apple, diced
• 1 8oz tomato sauce
• 1/4 cup chopped green onions
• pinch dried rosemary
• salt and pepper
• 8 oz whipped cottage cheese

For the topping:

• 1 cup Mexican four-blend cheese
• 1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded

For the polenta, just bring everything except the grits to a boil in a large pot. Simmer, then pour in the grits to the  pot in handfuls, whisking constantly until combined. Reduce heat and cook, stirring frequently with a wooden spoon, until water has been absorbed and polenta is thick and creamy. Remove the bay leaves. Pour into a 13-by-9-inch baking dish. Let stand until no longer steaming. Refrigerate, uncovered, until cold and set. Then cut it into strips, cubes, whatever.

For the filling, heat a pan with some oil. Then dump in the garlic, onions, sausages, apples. Let them cook through until soft, then pour in the tomato sauce. Stir, season.

Next, arrange 1/3 of the polenta slices on the bottom of a 9-by-9-inch dish. Pour in half the sausage-apple filling, then spread the cottage cheese on top. Layer the other 1/2 of the remaining polenta slices on top. Top again with the rest of the filling. Then finish off with the rest of the polenta, and sprinkle on all the cheese.

Cover with an aluminum foil and bake in 350 degree oven for about 40-50 minutes. Remove the foil, and bake for about 5 minutes more until the top cheese is nicely melted.

Dang, why do casseroles always turn out looking so freaking ugly?

It looks crappy, no matter at what angle I try to take a picture.

It was really super thick and dense. Quite yummy, though.

The only problem I found was that the polenta was rather mushy. Next time, I’ll just use one layer of the polenta, and then broil it in the oven until it is nice and crunchy before I top it off with the filling and cheese.

By the way, the Warm Fuzzies Game has started off today! I have already notified the first Warm Fuzzy to start the game—I won’t tell you who , so if you get a warm fuzzy comment, please refer to our Warm Fuzzies Page for details on how to continue on the game.

Question of the day: What is your favorite casserole? And why are casseroles so damn ugly?

Bidding Farewell to My Childhood

I’m sure everybody was the same way when they were young. We all couldn’t wait to grow up and venture out into the “adult” world. I for one was definitely itching to burst out of my childhood and conquer the world with my new-found freedom and powers.

I wanted to have a job, and live by myself, drive my own car. I wanted to join the other adults, discussing religion, worrying about economy, and badmouthing the politicians. I wanted to be able to pull an all-nighter without anyone nagging at me to sleep. I wanted to have an all-ladies brunch, gossiping and drinking tea with my pinky sticking out.

Yes, I had no freaking idea what being an adult meant. I foolishly thought growing up just meant becoming bigger in size and authority, and being free to do whatever I wanted. I envied all “grown-up” activities from sipping wine to filing taxes.

In fact, I remember once when I secretly poured myself a tall glass of red wine in a Christmas party. My mother caught me with the glass of ruby liquid, and got suspicious. I lied that it was grape juice, and then betrayed myself by fleeing away with a mad cackle. I distinctly remember calling all my little friends together, boasting about my glass of “grown-up beverage”, and sharing sips with them. The liquid burned my throat and made my eyes water, but I was damn proud of myself for drinking something so “grown-up”.

But we all know that’s not what being an adult means. It comes with a whole new set of restrictions, responsibilities, duties, and worries. But the thing I miss most about my childhood is my carefree innocence.

I long for the days when I believed disasters like a terrorist attack or earthquakes only happened in a land far, far away. I wish I still thought depression meant being forced to do my homework when I wanted to play. I wish I didn’t know what eating disorders meant, or how difficult it is to actually love someone, or that grown-ups are not perfect, or the pain and suffering everyone endures each day.

It’s strange…but ever since my ED, I have been craving my childhood more and more. I get overly excited when I see an item bringing childhood nostalgia. I enjoy nestling in the arms of my parents even more. I want to play hide-and-seek and hopscotch. And I really, really want a Cabbage Patch doll.

But I know that once lost, that childish innocence can never be brought back. Even if I somehow recollected all my childhood items and memories, it would never be as sweet. So I guess there’s no choice but for me to face the real world after all, like a real adult.

Today’s lunch was another trip back to childhood nostalgia. What brings more childhood nostalgia than the good old PB & J? But this one has an adult spin to it…as a farewell to my lost childhood innocence.

PB & J Wrap for “Grown-ups”

The J: Banana-apple-fig chutney

• 1 big banana, sliced
• 1/2 big apple, chopped
• 3 dried figs, diced
• 1/4 small red onion, diced
• 1/4 small Jalapeño, seeded and minced
• abt 1/2 tsp ginger, peeled and minced
• 1-2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
• 1-2 tablespoons lemon juice
• maple syrup
• cinnamon
• turmeric
• salt

The PB:

• 2 tablespoons crunchy peanut butter
• 2 tablespoons Greek yogurt

The sandwich:

• whole wheat wrap

For the J (banana-apple-fig chutney), just throw all the ingredients together in a small saucepan, bring to a boil, and simmer, stirring occasionally, until it turns into sort of a paste like this:

Beautiful color, eh? I did not give measurements for the spices because I just added them by taste. You can adjust them to your preference.

And then, for the PB, I just mixed together the peanut butter and the yogurt. I spread them onto the wrap, slathered the chutney on top, and rolled it up.

Whoo! This is definitely not for the faint-hearted. The chutney has such a kick to it. It is sweet from the fruits and maple syrup, yet spicy from the Jalapenos and the spices.

I decided to mix the peanut butter with Greek yogurt so it would spread better, and also so that the yogurt would be a great cooling backdrop to the spicy chutney.

It was quite an adventurous, interesting lunch, to say the least. I rather liked it! I made one for my brother, too, and he ate his without any complaints, so I’d give this a thumbs up!

So, guess what? The Warm Fuzzies Game is starting tomorrow!

Hip hip hoorah! Have you signed up yet? What are you waiting for? Gimme your name and url right away on our Warm Fuzzies Page!!

And speaking of warm fuzzies…Pass the Pocky passed me a warm and fuzzy award!

How sweet! Thank you!! To tell you the truth, I received this about 2 days before, but neglected to post it yet because I simply could not limit myself to just 10…because I seriously love all of your blogs for your own unique way! So I pass it on to ALL of you! Thank you, everyone, for being so consistently supportive of me, and listening to my windless prattles. >___<

Question of the day: Well, I shared one story of me trying to act “grown-up” with the wine…What about you? Do you have any stories of you playing grown-up?

Best Mommy in the World

Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone! It was definitely a scary ordeal which I won’t ever wish on anyone. Hopefully this will end at me, and anyone of you who has the same bad habit of night “feasting” as me would consider joining me in making some lifestyle changes! 

I was really touched by all of your concerns, and Pearl even went out of her way to send me a recipe for sweet potato congee! How sweet! And she must have known how much I love sweet potatoes! So I immediately asked my mother (who’s in charge of my recovery meals for the time being) to add sweet potatoes to my previously bland oatmeal, and the result was so much better!

The sweet potatoes added a subtle hint of natural sweetness to the oatmeal, and because it was cooked for quite a long time, was easily digestible! Thanks so much, Pearl! You’re indeed one in a million!

I’m a bit better, but my fever flared up again this afternoon, but not as badly as yesterday. I think my body is slowly recuperating, but it will take some time.

Despite the fever, I had the most wonderful time back at church today. My spiritual brothers and sisters have been absolute angels to me all throughout my eating disorder, never giving up on me, always cheering and rooting me on, showering me with love and warmth. Their prayers were what kept me alive. So it was such a joy to show them that their prayers were answered. I was practically overwhelmed by all of them flooding over to me, exclaiming in joy and praise. God, it feels so great to make others happy!

I was strangely craving a good bowl of chicken soup tonight, so we stopped by Whole Foods on the way back from church. So finally, I got to take a break from oatmeal for the day!
 

Chicken noodle soup

And an apple bran muffin! I love Whole Foods muffins…I wonder what’s their secret to producing such delicious baked goods?

By the way, Happy Mother’s Day!! I made sure to give my mother an extra tight hug and a big kiss on her cheek today! I don’t know what I would do without my mother…except to thank her from the bottom of my heart and soul…

Thank you, mom…

for giving birth to me…
for always loving me, no matter how much pain and suffering I brought you…
for listening patiently to my every crap and bullshit…
for caring about every single detail of my life…
for keeping strong when I was weak…
for never giving up on me even when I was at my worst…
for giving me strength and courage and comfort when I was down…
for continuously making such delicious homemade kimchi…
for spending hours cooking nutritious, expensive food for me even though I did not appreciate them at all at that time…
for hiding your tears and pain from me as I sunk deep into my disorder so as not to show me any discouragement…
for always showing me a bright smile each morning…
for the little kiss you give me each night…
for having faith in me that I will recover…
for believing and having hope that I will one day accomplish great things…

For these things alone, I owe my life to her. I am incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful, beautiful mother! I’m being biased, but I say my mom is the best mommy in the world! But I’ll bet you all are saying and thinking the same thing about your own mothers!

Can you believe she’s already 47? Okay, this is actually quite an unflattering picture of her, but this is her without make-up, stuffed and sleepy after a heavy dinner. Dressed up and with a touch of make-up, she still gets booty-calls when walking down the streets!

So Happy Mother’s Day, y’all! I hope all of you showed your moms some appreciation too~

Question of the day: What is the most grateful thing your mother did for you?