Sloppy

A lot of people get surprised when they find out I skip classes.

But my classmates are used to the skinny Asian girl who sits in the front of class either drooling or doodling. In my grade reports, every teacher marked down with exasperated exclamation points, “This girl is always building castles in the air!” I used to have a Spanish teacher who hated my guts because I slept every minute of her class. And I always finish my homework during classes so that I didn’t have to do them back at home. You all remember my 7pm rule? It’s not so much a wise strategy as it is just an excuse to slack off some more.

I have to admit, I used to have tons of fun seeing my teachers pinched expressions and exasperation. I was sloppy with my work attitude, but I still somehow managed to get good grades, so I really did not give a damn.

Until I realized how much that sloppy attitude is costing me.

Let me just name a few recent or major ones:

• I scratched up my car really badly against the parking wall because I didn’t care to look properly.
  
• I crushed the back of my car for the same reason.
  
• Look above, re-read two times. Yes, 6 times total, until the final accident (which was, of course, totally my fault again)
  
• I messed up on the date for my parents’ plane flight to Los Angeles, at a loss of $800.
  
• I messed up again on the date, this time for a bus trip.
  
• I didn’t read the directions to my mid-term, and wrote about two films instead of three.
  
• I didn’t read the directions to my essay prompt, and wrote about my own topic. 
• I didn’t check up on school email account, even though I knew something was wrong with it, and missed several important information from my professors

Ouch. I think I’ve had enough, don’t you? It’s hard, to shake off this sloppy attitude which I’ve been wearing for so many years. But the price to pay is too much, too painful. I’ve lost and wasted too much money, time, and grades.

Urgh. It seems like I’m always bordering in the extremity. During my ED days, I’m obsessing over the smallest details in my calorie intake and meals. Now, I’ve lost that perfectionist behavior, but I seem to have reverted back to my sloppy, half-assed ways. How do I  find that balance? I’m still working on it, but I’ll let you know.

So. To reflect on my sloppy attitude, let me present to you a sloppy dish. Nope, not sloppy joes. That would be unoriginal!

Korean BBQ Chickpea Gratin

• 1 tsp olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 large onion, diced
• 4 oz ground turkey
• 1/2 zucchini, diced
• 1/2 eggplant, diced
• 1/4 red bell pepper, diced
• 1 cup chickpeas, cooked (I stole this from the school dining hall)
• Korean BBQ marinade
• 2-3 basil leaves, shredded
• 1 medium gold potato
• 1 medium sweet potato
• 1/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese
• 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
• fresh black pepper

Fry up the garlic and onion in oil until fragrant, then toss in the ground turkey and all the vegetables. Cook until softened, and then add in the chickpeas and Korean BBQ marinade:
Once heated through, pour the vegetable mixture into a baking dish. Top with basil leaves:
Slice the potato and sweet potato into about 1/4-inch slices:
Place it in overlapping patterns over the baking dish and sprinkle with cheese and cracked black pepper:
Cook in a 400 degree oven until done:
You can definitely guess my reaction to this toasty cheesy dish as I pulled it out of the oven!
How can you say no to toasted cheeeeeese?!
Slop it up onto a dish:
No matter how you look at it, it definitely looks sloppy…
But oh-so-delicious! I swear, that Korean BBQ marinade is the bomb, and it will make even my running shoes taste delicious. It’s best with meat, of course, but plenty tasty with vegetarian options like this one!
But I have to say, the best part was the crispy texture of the 2-potato crust…So crunchy, so cheesy!
Obviously this little dish is just for show, because right after I finished this portion, I finished up the rest by the baking dish:
Yum.

Too bad my sloppiness doesn’t produce such delicious results!

By the way, I’ll be gone this weekend…To SAN FRANCISCO! I’ll be hitching at Maggie from Say Yes to Salad’s place together with Coco from Balance, Joy and Delicias for the Foodbuzz Festival….AHH! So excited!! I can’t believe I’m finally meeting so many amazing bloggers!!! >.<

But not to worry (Ok, I’m the only one worrying)…Mimi will be doing a guest post, so please check back in the weekend for that!

Question of the day: So, what kind of work ethic do you have? Are you a diligent bee? Or a sloppy dreamer like me?

Open for Discussion: Is Total Recovery Possible?

In response to my post about my ED past, Alison from Live, Listen, Cook asked this question:

“Here’s a question for you…do you think you’ll ever completely eradicate ED? I think it will always be there for me— or at least my relationship with food is forever changed, even if I eat healthfully. This changed relationship with food is not all bad, but I do hate that the monster in my head never goes away completely. What do you think?”

It’s been 2 weeks since she had asked, and I’ve been meaning to answer this comment earlier, but did not get a chance until now. I’m so sorry, Alison! But I wanted to post this question up for discussion, as I think many of us ED-recovers wonder the same thing.

Is true, total recovery possible? How do you know whether you’re completely recovered?

I cannot say for others (that is why I need your input), but I will speak from my own thoughts and experience: I most absolutely believe that complete recovery is possible. But the word “recovery” is ambiguous. What does it mean? How can you tell?

To be honest, I don’t think I’ll have the same exact relationship with food as I had before. I now know too much about nutrition, and that information will never be eliminated from my brain. Bring out a handful of grains, or a spoonful of oil, and I can automatically tell you exactly how many calories are in it.

Also, my taste buds have changed. I used to avoid vegetables and vegetables like the plague, but now I love and crave them. I don’t like meat as much as I did, nor do I want to eat 2 Super-sized McDonald’s french fries every single afternoon like I used to.

But recovery doesn’t mean that I need to revert back to the way I was before. It just means that food no longer controls me. I don’t obsess about food as much, I no longer fear any certain food, I don’t avoid social eating, I don’t obsessively count calories, I don’t freak out over a missed work out, I don’t have a rigid eating schedule, and I don’t always have to eat “healthy”.

Alison also mentioned the “monster in the head”…that terrible voice that likes to call you names. Fat. Weak. Lazy. Loser. It likes to mock you, and tempt you:

“Why did you eat so much, you fat greedy pig?”
“Hey, you missed your run this morning. Why not restrict today?”
“Bah, so much stress! You’re losing control! But at least you can control your food intake!” 
“Whoa, check out your Thunder thighs! Your underpants will burst into flames from the friction between them!”

Well, here’s the bad news: this voice might always be there. Why? Because it’s habitual. I’m in such a habit of living in such negative thoughts, that sometimes I just instinctively think them. I might eat more than usual, and immediately think, “Sophia, you fatso.” Or I might feel bloated, and panic, “Am I gaining all the fat on my stomach?”

But here’s the good news: Recovery means that you might hear these voices, but you don’t act on them. And as time goes on, the voice will fade away until it’s just a distant memory. Just as it took time to get into the habit of thinking such thoughts, it will take a bit of time to get out of them. But as long as you continuously and consistently ignore them, they will go away.

Therefore, I have hope. In fact, there are a lot of times when I would think back to all the crazy-ass, disordered stuff I used to do: only eating protein and vegetables, throwing away egg yolks, browsing grocery stores all day, buying fat-free cheese and low-carb bread, writing out all my calorie-intake of the day, even hiding food in my socks (WTF?)…and I would just be absolutely flabbergasted and disgusted at myself, exclaiming, “I did WHAT? What the hell? I can’t believe I used to do that!”

But I feel the need to emphasize on one thing: In order to gain full recovery, you have to let go of everything that is disordered. You can’t pick-and-choose; it’s all or nothing. You all are smart enough to know what is disordered or not without me laying out the details. Your conscience will speak to you.

I hope that answers your question, Alison. Thank you for such a thought-provoking comment. And I’d like to open this topic up for discussion, so anyone who has any thoughts on this, please speak up!

So, I’ve mentioned above that my taste buds have changed since my eating disorder, but two things that haven’t: My distaste for rice, and my passion for kabocha. My love for kabocha is self-explanatory, but let me explain why I hate rice: I just don’t get how anyone can like that plain, fluffy, texture-less grain! That doesn’t mean I dislike all grains though. As long as they have an interesting texture to them, I love. 

In fact, smart, lovely Christina sent me a bag of Trader Joe’s Greenwheat freekeh for my birthday. I’m totally in love with this grain now! I’ve made a couple of dishes with them already, but here’s the first one I made with Mimi:

Cheesy-Kabocha Chicken with Raisins and Walnuts Over Grains
(I know, it’s a freaking mouthful. I’m so bad with names! Help me!)

For the Cheesy-Kabocha Sauce:

• oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 onion, diced finely
• 1/2 cup kabocha puree (or, reluctantly, pumpkin)
• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 cup sharp cheddar cheese
• 1/4 cup cottage cheese
• salt and pepper
• pinch of turmeric

For the Chicken:

• oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 1/4 red bell pepper, diced
• 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast
• 1/3 cup raisins

For the Grains:

• 1/2 cup bulgur, dry
• water
• salt and pepper
• pinch of cumin and cinnamon
• 1 cup Trader Joe’s Greenwheat Freekeh

For the toppings:

• handful salad greens
• 3 basil leaves, shredded
• 1/3 cup walnuts, chopped
• 1/2 cup feta cheese, crumbled (or blue cheese)

For the sauce, first cook the garlic and onion in the oil until soft and fragrant. Then stir in the kabocha and pour in the milk. As the liquid starts to thicken, add in both cheeses and season to taste. Stir, then turn down the heat and leave aside.

Next for the chicken, stir-fry garlic, onions, and bell pepper until cooked, then add in the chicken and cook until done. Pour in the cheesy-kabocha sauce and mix together. Add in the raisins.

Meanwhile, cook the bulghur in water, and season with the seasonings and spices. Once the bulghur is cooked, stir in the Freekeh.

To dish, set a handful of salad greens, then scrape the grains on top. Ladle on the cheesy-kabocha chicken mixture, and top with the basil leaves, walnuts, and feta cheese. Crack extra black pepper on top if you like. This serves two hungry girls!

Aii yai yai! This was a beautiful dish. I think Mimi and I just stepped aside to gaze at it in wonder for awhile.
 

And then we dug in!
I can’t tell you how amazing this dish was. It was absolutely…well, amazing! Ah, words fails me!
And that freekeh stuff is absolutely delightful:
So incredibly chewy with its separate, chewy grains, and together with the gritty, crunchy bulghur, the texture was a sensation in my mouth! Thank you, Christina!
And come on. Cheesy, creamy, kabocha chicken? Enough said. Absolutely freakalicious!
It’s funny how now I sneak in greens in there more for a contrast of color rather than nutrition. Ah, to be a food blogger!
Somehow, this dish ended up scoring 100 points in nutrition (if I say so myself):

• Omega-3 fats from the walnuts
• the vitamin B and fiber from the grains
• the protein and iron from the chicken
• the various vitamins and minerals from the vegetables and kabocha
• garlic and onions for immunity
• calcium from the 3 different cheeses
• some antioxidants from the raisins…

Man. I didn’t even notice what a nutritional powerhouse this dish was until now! See, here’s another thing about recovery I learned: I no longer obsess about nutrition, but instead focus on taste and texture when it comes to creating my dishes. And somehow, it still ends up being super nutritious!

Okay, gotta have dinner now. This girl is HANGRY! Oh, here’s another thing I earned from recovery: Being able to feel and honor my hunger! It’s so damn nice to feel hunger and cravings again!

Question of the day: I’ve answered Alison’s question, but I’m sure I missed something. I’m opening it up for discussion, so any input is appreciated!

But for those of you who aren’t ED-recoverers, I have an equally important question to ask: Rice. Like or hate?

To Bitch, Or Not To Bitch…

Sometimes, you just get up on the wrong side of bed. I always wondered what that means. I know what that means intellectually, but what does it really mean? How can you just randomly get up and feel like shit? Or more accurately: why?

Yes, I got off the wrong side of bed this morning. I woke up, my head was pounding from over 10 hours of sleep, I missed my Sunday church service, and I just felt plain…crappy.

The smallest things annoyed me. Like how the sun was shining so brightly, so joyfully, so…damn irritatingly chirpy! Somehow the perfect weather just made me even grouchier. Then the pantry door hit my head when I opened it a bit too roughly. Obviously it’s my fault, but I cursed at it for getting in the way. Next, the dishes were undone again. Damn dirty dishes…why don’t you wash yourselves, you lazy asses? And so on, and so on…

What are you going to do when you feel like an old snotty turd? You stop everything, you sit down, and you have a one-to-one with God. Sometimes, you just need some alone time, and a big fat reality check.

Why am I feeling randomly crappy? Sometimes, it can be physical issues, such as too little (or too much in my case) sleep. Or it can be an unconscious layer of stress that has been piling up for several days. Whatever the reasons, I find that the best solution is not to ignore them and let them drag you down for many more days, but to confront them directly.

I was feeling lethargic. So I went out for a run, and took a cold shower.

I was feeling stressed from all the incoming schoolwork. So after a good hearty lunch, I sat my ass down and tackled my assignments without any further procrastination.

I was feeling irritated and bothered by some personal issues. I bitched to God for awhile, then thrust them all to Him to handle. I recognized that I am a human with too many flaws and mistakes, but I restored my faith that all is in God’s hands.

I was feeling ugly. I got plastic surgery. Haha, kidding! I reminded myself that beauty is temporary and trivial, and that it really has nothing to do with true happiness or success.

I also entertained myself by reading the Google search terms people used to find my blog:

• “obnoxious farts” (Who, me?)
• In-N-Out University (Where to get your Masters degree in flipping tasty and cheap burgers!)
• How to make your butt plumper (I’d like to know myself! I’m kind of sick of my pancake-ass)
• Evil pineapples eating coconuts (Sounds delicious)
• “Sophia Lee” FBI wanted list (What the hell?!)

Except for the fact that I may be on the FBI Wanted List, I was thoroughly amused. Tee, hee hee.

Anyway. I’m in a much better mood now, and I’ve cranked out 4 pages of my research paper. But I’m still in a rather bitchy mood, so prepare yourself for a bitchy review on the restaurant I went to with Mimi and Kathryn yesterday.

We went to Newsroom Cafe, a health-nut restaurant opposite the Ivy in West Hollywood. Obviously, situated in an affluent and celebrity-dotted area, Newsroom Cafe is a bit on the pricey side, and focuses on catering to the health-conscious people, serving healthy, fresh, and organic options, blah blah blah.
I really don’t care if it’s healthy or not, I just wanted good food. I had done a bit of research, and suggested several venues to Mimi and Kathryn. We eventually chose this particular place because the menu had tons of delicious-sounding options that appealed to all three of us. Unfortunately, Newsroom Cafe, though good in concept, failed terribly in execution.

First of all, the service was terrible. Seriously. It was almost 3 pm in the afternoon, there weren’t that many customers, and we were freaking hungry. The server took more than half an hour to take our orders, and she totally forgot Kathryn’s diet coke. She was nice enough, but she was just so…absent-minded and it was like she was physically there, but her mind was elsewhere.
Second of all, the lighting was pretty dim. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate dark restaurants. I need to start a petition requiring that all restaurants equip themselves with good lighting for the sake of us food bloggers.

This was cute though:
Coarse lumps of brown sugar. Organic, probably. Or something like that. Surprisingly no Truvia. Gasp!

After what seemed like forever, our food arrived.

Mimi ordered the blue corn blueberry hotcakes:
Here’s the description on the menu: With banana, toasted piñons, maple syrup. Where is the damn pine nuts? Instead, it came with some kind of mini-berries compote. Not too bad, but pine nuts would have been nice.
The hotcake was big, but it was only one piece, and would probably make two regular-sized pancakes. It was good, but not great. I would have liked more of that gritty corn texture, and it was slightly dry.
Mimi also ordered a side of poached eggs:
According to her, they were watery. Drain the eggs, damn it!

Because they took a long time bringing the food to us, Mimi ended up filling herself up on iced tea. She could only manage 1/3 of the hotcake, so I finished off another 1/3, and then Mimi kindly let me take the leftovers home. Woo-hoo!

Kathryn ordered the ‘Lite’ Egg Steamers:
Here’s the description on the menu: ‘Scrambled’ with no butter, no oil or any added fat, only steam! Eggs steamed with herbs de provence our italian espresso machine. Kat asked for egg whites, nixed the roasted potatoes for sliced tomatoes, and with both raisin health bread and rosemary potato bread.
She couldn’t finish the eggs so I had a bite. They tasted like…microwaved egg whites. With no seasoning. Bland. Blah. Utterly forgettable, and not worth the $12.60 she paid for.

I ordered the Tandoori Chicken Sandwich:
 Indian spiced grilled chicken breast, baked onions, lettuce, tomato with sugar-free raisin date chutney. On Multi-grain health bread with side salad.
Sounds fabulous, looks fabulous. Tastes horrendous!
Okay, it wasn’t that bad. But honestly, I was really anticipating something that will wow me, because the description sounded absolutely drool-worthy. Unfortunately, the bread was hard and dry, the chicken was overcooked and tough and bland, and the raisin date chutney tasted like burnt pickles.
I paid $12.00 for shit. No wonder I felt like shit. Cheap gullible fool that I am, I still finished it.

Thank God for good company. Mimi and Kathryn’s engaging conversation kept my attention away from the mediocre food, so that I actually did go back home with a big smile on my face. But trust me, I will not be visiting Newsroom Cafe ever again.

I did, however, spot a heavily-botoxed middle-aged Tinkerbell. Totally made my day (sorry, no picture).

Kathryn gave me a pretty, glittery gift too! It’s now sitting all pretty but picture-less on my desk:
I’ll have to dig up a good picture when I return home for winter break!

She also gave me the most breathtakingly gorgeous card ever:
Wow, SOOOO beautiful! >.<

By the way, it’s time for some product review. Zevia sent me a sample package of their drinks a while ago, and I have been refraining myself to finishing them within a week. This is what they say about their product:

“We created Zevia for diet soda lovers who want something natural without calories. Made with pure ingredients, like stevia, an herb known for centuries as “sweet leaf”. Refreshing great taste with none of the bad stuff. Feel good about what you drink.”

Sounds good to me! I have to admit, I am a diet soda addict. I drink at least a can of diet soda a day. I know it isn’t “good” for me, but I don’t think a can a day will give me cancer. But still, it’s nice to know there are healthy alternatives out there.

Zevia sent me 6 varieties of their product:

• Cola
• Orange
• Natural Twist
• Ginger Ale
• Black Cherry
• Root Beer

Here’s the Black Cherry:
I was pleasantly surprised to find that the liquid was clear! It tasted pretty good, and I don’t even like black cherry-flavored stuff.
The Ginger Ale:
This was nice, very much like Canada Dry. The liquid was the color of pee.
The Root Beer:
Not a fan of this. It had some kind of bitter aftertaste.
The Orange was my favorite:
Loved this one!

The Cola tasted like Coke, but honestly, not as good as the real thing. The Natural Twist tasted like carbonated water. Too natural? Maybe.

Overall, I did enjoy these drinks, but then I enjoy most diet sodas, and not just for their taste, but for that jolting carbonation and happy gassy tummy. I happily burped a lot drinking these.

Now, I’m hungry. I need to make some dinner for myself before I get bitchier. Ta ta for now, and hopefully I’m less of a bitch by my next post!

Question of the day: What are you bitchy about today? Come on, let it out!

Lucky Me!

I’m stressed, and I have tons of work piled up, and I just want to wallow in self-pity, but somebody is just not letting me feel sorry for myself!!

So you know how on my last post, I shared my grand revelation that I’m going to celebrate others on my birthdays instead of myself? Well, that part is really nice and noble and stuff, and I truly and sincerely did mean it…but hee hee hee!! I can’t deny that gifts are pretty damn fun to receive!! Wheeee!!

And since I’ve admitted that out loud anyway, let me just carry on boasting about some packages I’ve received:

First, Christina from Dinner at Christina’s sent me the most thoughtful and sweetest gift ever:

• Homemade banana bread with walnuts (!!)
  
• Salpica Habanero-Lime Salsa
  
• Green olives
  
• Trader Joe’s roasted plantain chips
  
• Trader Joe’s Greenwheat Freekeh
  
• A hot pink foldable tote bag

And the cutest card ever:

I love the leaping frog! That’s the kind of person I wanna be! Not a froggy person, but someone who is always overabounding with joy and passion! Yay!

And I had to laugh out loud at the foldable tote bag:
Dear Christina, you’re my groceraholic enabler!
And who can ever resist homemade banana bread made with love?
Here’s the first plate with some of the Trader Joe’s roasted plantain chips:
YUM!! I loved how the sweetness of the bread was so subtle, as if it was just naturally sweetened by the flavor of the bananas. And chock-full of crunchy walnuts amidst the dense aromatic cake…heaven!

I’m also obsessed with those plantain chips now. I MUST stock up when I get a chance to stop by Trader Joe’s!

My package from my parents also arrived:
HOLY COW!!!

• GREAT HARVEST BREAD!!!! (My favorite: Honey Whole Wheat!! Do my parents stalk my blog something? Just a couple posts ago I was lamenting how I missed Great Harvest bread!)
• toasted nori
  
• Sesame Glutinous rice bread
  
• purse
  
• black sesame seeds
  
• Korean indoor “shoes”

Who (what) is Dooney & Bourke? No matter, I love it!
I totally needed a new purse since the one I’m carrying now was a second-hand one from Aeropostale…
And oh my God, my favorite kind of Korean bread (sesame glutinous rice bread) and pure, organic black sesame seeds from Korea!

Also, check out the pretty Korean-style indoor “shoes”:
These will remind me of my mom, since she wears these all the time. They’ll keep my feet clean and warm, too, since the floors of my apartment is rather dirty, and I’m an Asian who is used to walking around barefooted.

Here’s the sweetest card with the letter that my dad pre-sent to me by email:
  With a recipe for black sesame seed porridge by my mom…
I loved this quote in the card:
Another gift I received from sweet Mimi:
How appropriate! A Christian cookbook…not only to nourish the body, but the soul and the mind! It’s not only stuffed with amazing recipes (with tons of cheeeeese), it’s also got tons of awesome quotes from the bible. Also, I suspect Mimi sent me this gift so that I can cook for her!

And then, a mystery gift:
 Nigella Lawson’s How to Eat.

I have no idea who sent me this. It has no card, no name, nothing. Whoever it is, I send you loads of excited gratitude, because I adore Nigella!! I love her philosophy for food, and her refusal to make any food “guilty food”.

And unrelated to my birthday, but at the most perfect timing came my giveaway wins…
 Katie Lee Joel’s A Comfort Table, sent by dear Faith from Thought For Food! Tee hee! LOVE the Hello Kitty sticker, so cute! >.<
I’ve marked a few recipes I want to try (with a few fixings of my own), so look out for those!

Also, I seem to get very very lucky with dearest Jenn from Slim-Shoppin:
Free coupon for Silk Soymilk!

Yup, I am a lucky, lucky girl! Another reason I’m so lucky— I live in Los Angeles! While our East-Coasters are freezing in rainy chilly weather, I’m still walking about impudently with flip-flops under the sun with my sunglasses. Plus, we probably have one of the most authentic Latino food in the United States!

A week ago, Mimi and I visited Grand Central Market again:
Oh, I just love the un-frilliness of it! So…modest, so plain, so bare and unvarnished…It just smells so…ordinarily pleasant! >.<
We were here for the cheap produce, of course, but primarily for the infamous pupusas in this food stall:
 Sorita’s Pupuseria!

Some of their more popular pupusas were written up on the sign…
And check out their extensive menu!
I can just hear the birds, chirping, Cheap, cheap, cheap! $__$

What I loved was how loud and crass and unfriendly everybody was. I know, it sounds weird…but strangely, it just brought nostalgic memories of Singapore’s hawker centers for me.
I also loved watching the lady form my pupusa in front of me!
I got a pupusa de camaron queso (shrimp and cheese) and a chicken tamale with a side of pickled cabbage, all for just $4.36!! That’s the tamale and pickled cabbage…
And the pupusa…
Check out that cheese!
I doused everything with tons and tons of Salvadorean hot sauce:
So. Freaking. GOOD! The pupusa was came to me fresh off the grill, with just the right amount of corn dough to the filling.
The dough was slightly crunchy on the outside, yet pleasantly chewy on the inside…
The tamale was awesome, too, though I wish it had more filling.

But I did enjoy the little green olives in there!
The pickled cabbage just intensified the melding of saliva and flavors in the mouth:
Amazing. Just, utterly, satisfyingly, amazing!
Another thing I love? No fancy seats. You just prop up against the counter and dig in with fellow pupusa-lovers!

I think I’ve teased you enough about my good fortune.
But just one last reminder about how lucky I am: I’m having a sort of celebratory birthday lunch out with Mimi and Kathryn tomorrow! YAY! Cannot wait!

Question of the day: What is one good luck you had this week?

Celebration

Guess what? I was in tears today again for my 22nd birthday. But it wasn’t tears of sorrow or despair or self-pity. It was tears of joy and thanksgiving.

My parents had sent me a birthday package (ooh I wonder what it is?) but it wasn’t due to arrive until tomorrow or Friday, so my dad sent me a copy of his birthday letter to me by email:

It is in Korean, and it’s like 3 pages long, so I won’t translate it all, but here’s a quick summary:

My dad told me that he spent the whole day flipping through my old photographs. He detailed each one for me, progressing through the course of my life: the day I was born and sat on the palm of my dad’s hand, the day I turned one and dressed in traditional Korean clothing, the day I got a new brother and cried for the lack of attention, the first day I went to pre-school without a moment’s nervousness…all leading up to even those few pictures of me emaciated and ill.

All throughout the course of my life, He drew a clear picture for me on how God was present in me, leading and guiding me every step of the way. And then he mentioned all the people who have cared for me, who have prayed for me, who have loved and blessed me, and how God answered their prayers by restoring my spiritual, mental and physical health…

I couldn’t help it. Each time I read a new paragraph, fresh tears flowed as my heart was gripped with a complex mix of overwhelming emotions: love, appreciation, gratefulness, even pain.

You know…every birthday, I had always expected something out of other people. Whether it is for them to remember my birthday, or say “Happy birthday” to me, or give me presents, etc, I’d always met my birthday with the idea that I should be the one who is celebrated.

Well, from this birthday onwards, I am switching it around. I’m not celebrating myself, but I’m celebrating all the people who has played a part in my life. Because without them, I would not be the person I am now.

So thank you, God, for your everlasting grace and mercy.

Thank you, mom and dad, for never giving up on me and loving me despite all the pain I’ve given you.

Thank you, my brother, for enduring all the family dramas, and treating me so gently and patiently.

Thank you, my church, for always praying for me and supporting me.

Thank you, my friends, for sticking by me and comforting me.

Thank you, my fellow bloggers (and readers), for listening to me and giving me constant motivation and encouragement.

And finally, thank you, my body, my soul, my life, for not failing on me, even though I never treated you well.

And of course, I’ve got to celebrate food. After all, I’ve been abusing it for many years. It’s time I started treating it right—eating it, enjoying it, digesting it, and using the energy to live out the best life I can.

I contemplating having noodles for my birthday, but I decided that I better stick to my trademark favorite ingredients. Can you guess what they are?

If you said kabocha, check. Cheese? Check. And gochujang to highlight my mother country? Check. The only thing missing is a runny egg, but three is a crowd already.

Korean BBQ-Style Stuffed Kabocha

• 1 small kabocha (mine was about 3 lbs?)
• 4 oz ground turkey
• 1/2 cup diced bell peppers
• 1/2 cup diced zucchini
• Korean BBQ Marinade (recipe below)
• 1 tsp olive oil
• 1/2 small red onion
• feta cheese
• Parmesan cheese

Korean BBQ Marinade:

• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tsp ginger, minced
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon gochujang
• 1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional)
• 1 tsp sesame oil
• 1 tablespoon honey
• black pepper

Cut the kabocha in half, and scoop out the insides:
Next make the Korean BBQ marinade by mixing all the ingredients together in a bowl. Mix in the turkey, bell peppers, and zucchini:
Set aside, and let it marinade for about an hour in the fridge.

Then heat up some oil in a skillet, and start cooking the onions:
Once the onions get kind of soft, toss in the turkey-vegetables mixture, pouring in all the marinade as well:
Cook until done:
Stuff it into the kabocha on top of a baking sheet:
Bake at about 425 degrees for about 20 minutes, and then top with feta and Parmesan cheese, and bake for 10 more minutes until cheese is melted and the kabocha is cooked through.
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe this is the first time I tried stuffing a kabocha. I’ve been seeing these around in a lot of blogs, such as The Broccoli Hut, and am I super-glad I tried it out! But of course I had to put my unique spin by going Korean-style!
The marinade is amaaaaaazing. Have you guys ever tried the spicy Korean pork BBQ called duaejikogi? I used the same marinade recipe for this.
Spicy, with a touch of sweetness, and inteeeeense! Totally freaking flavorful.
I didn’t cook the vegetables too much, so that they don’t get mushy, but retains a bit of a crunch.
Do you eat the skin? Nothing was left when I was done with this.
By the way, nobody except Mimi and Kathryn knows about my birthday. I find it kind of awkward to go around boasting about my 22nd birthday to my 18-year-old friends, heh heh.

But one of my friends somehow found out and sent me this beautiful flowers:
And I got a new USC mug!
I USC indeed!

Thank you for all your emails, tweets, and facebook messages wishing me a good birthday. Today was definitely the most amazing birthday I had…because for once, I’m not celebrating myself, but others. And you know what? I am freaking blessed, because I am surrounded by beautiful, amazing people. Now that, is the best birthday present I can ever want!

P.S. To commemorate a new beginning of a new 22nd year, I’ve updated my About Me Page…Please check it out! >.<

Question of the Day: What was the best birthday gift you’ve received? Doesn’t need to be something physical. Oh, and when is your birthday? You don’t need to share the age though!

Thank God There Is No Forever 21

I love the American system of determining one’s age. You are allowed to stick to your previous age until you hit your birthday, and you don’t turn one until you live outside of your mother’s womb for a whole year.

Now, compare it to Korean age reckoning. Your age starts at conception, not birth, and you gain a year each time you pass a new year. So, by Korean age reckoning, I am…23 years old, and just 2 months away from becoming 24 years old (!!).

But thankfully, I live in America, and I can still gleefully declare that I am 21 without being a liar. But of course, there is no such thing as Forever 21. Because in just 2 days, I turn 22. Dun dun dun…

I remember that when I was a kid, turning older was a big, flashy event. The day I turned 11, I proudly told my parents I am no longer a kid, but a “mature” teenager (Like that’s a good thing? Helloooo puberty!). It took me about 3 more years to actually start becoming a bit more mature, but the fact that I could no longer count my age with my ten fingers thrilled me.

But then, birthdays started becoming a drag. Why? It was nothing but a single day in a year. But the fact that it was supposed to be special, supposed to be celebratory, made it all the more depressing when the day did not measure up to expectations. On my 14th birthday, I spent the night crying in bed because I had just moved to America and had little friends, and my mom bought me the ugliest winter jacket from Costco for my birthday present (I’d wanted a cute peacoat).

On my 17th birthday, I cried all night again, but for a more serious reason—I was distraught in despair, as I felt myself sink lower and lower into my anorexia.

On my 18th birthday, I once again cried all day—It was only a few weeks since I had been sent home from Northwestern because of my eating disorder.

On my 19th birthday, I cried again because I was missing my parents. I had moved out a couple months earlier after a huge fight with them, and I had relapsed, hard.

On my 20th and 21st birthday, I did not cry. I was just far too emotionally detached to have any sort of real, painful feelings. I woke up, I went out for an obscenely long walk, I came back home, I obsessed over my food rituals, I went to bed with nothing to look forward to. No hope, no excitement, no nothing.

And here comes my 22nd birthday on Wednesday. Honestly, I’m still not sure how exactly I feel about my birthday. But I do know I am feeling something. It’s a mix of “Holy shit I am freaking old!” and “Wow, look at how much I changed in a year” and “Thank you Lord, for letting me still be alive”.

I can’t describe it. But overall, I can say I’m feeling positive. Hopeful. A bit annoyed at how fast life passes by, but ultimately, pleased and thankful to God who has sustained me through piles of crap and drama, and to all the lovely people out there who have patiently endured me.

By the way, one thing I will not be having on my 22nd birthday is that stinky seaweed soup Koreans traditionally eat during birthdays. Thank goodness I’m away from my mother on my birthday, or she might have tried to make me  have some. However, there is another birthday tradition, common among the Chinese, which is eating noodles. The long strands is supposed to symbolize longevity.

I don’t care for longevity, but I’ll take the noodles!

Hot & Cold Pasta Salad

For the pasta dressing:

• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup freshly-squeezed orange juice
• 1/2 cup POM juice
• 1 tablespoon dijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
• milk (according to taste)
• salt and pepper

For the “hot” ingredients:

• olive oil
• 1/2 large red onion, sliced thinly
• 2 links Trader Joe’s Apple-Chardonnay sausages, sliced
• grated orange zest

For the “cold” ingredients:

• 1/2 green apple, thinly sliced
• handful dried berries
• handful dry-roasted pistachios
• basil leaves, chopped finely
• 2 cups chopped romaine lettuce
• handful feta cheese

For the pasta:

• about 5-6 oz whole-grain linguine (did not measure)

water and salt

Mix all the dressing ingredients together, set aside.

Bring a pot of water to boil with salt, and cook the linguine according to packet directions.

Meanwhile, cook the onions with the oil on a skillet until slightly softened, then add in the sausages. Pour in the dressing, and cook until the onions are soft and caramelized, and the sausages are cooked through. Grate in the orange zest.

Once the pasta is done, drain it, then toss into the hot ingredients. Turn off heat.

In a large salad bowl, toss all the cold ingredients except the feta cheese with the skillet ingredients. Mix well, then dish out onto a plate, and top with feta cheese. Grate more black pepper and orange zest if you like.
Look at that! Why only eat this on your birthdays? I wouldn’t mind eating this everyday!
I loved all the different components of this dish. Sort of like a hot pasta, but tossed into a salad. There are the hot, caramelized onions, and the hot, charred sausages…
Balancing out the cold,  refreshing lettuce, the tart green apples, the crunchy pistachios, the chewy dried berries…
A toast to our longevity!
And another toast to a great friend who waited patiently for me to be done taking pictures!
Obviously, this dish was a bit pre-mature. It’s not my birthday yet, but I think I know what I’ve having on Wednesday!

Question of the day: What is your birthday tradition? Doesn’t really have to be food, though that would always be welcome!

Sanity Tips from a Grouch

“Are we there yet?”

That is the question uttered wearily by every student during this point at the semester. Go on, ask one. They’ll turn to you with bleary eyes and caffeinated jitters, and repeat that same question.

Mid-terms has just past, like a great typhoon of late-night studying and flurry of readings and scribblings. The tide has drawn, but you never know when it’ll flood back with a storm of new papers and exams.

Boy, college is tough. But I’m not here to bitch. I’m here to share a few of my secrets on how to stay sane in the midst of all the stress and craziness.

Here are a few of my own personal guidelines (some I break, some I uphold like a religious commandment):

Sophia’s Ways to Maintain Sanity in College

• The 7pm Rule: Never open a textbook or study or do anything academic-related after 7pm. Once the clock reads 7:00 pm, I close up my notebooks, and relax.
  (This is my favorite rule. I stick to it no matter what. Even during mid-terms. Which is why you could see my blogging when I have mid-terms the next day)
• The Morning Coffee: I always try to wake up about at least an hour and a half earlier than my first class, so that I can go out for a run, come back home, fix breakfast, drink my fresh-brewed coffee.
  (This sets me off for a good day. It is never a good idea to rush off to class right out of bed, because you’re just not in the right mentality to pay attention in class. Might as well sleep in. Also, without coffee, I’m a total…bitch)
• Be smart-selective with readings: I don’t read everything that my professor assigns. Some are just plain unnecessary! Figure out what the professor wants, and emphasizes on, and focus on that.
  (I’m still trying to get the hang of this)
• Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy: No matter what I do, even a 10-page research paper (groan!), I try my best to make it enjoyable. It’s not a matter of hypnotizing or forcing yourself to “enjoy” it, but a matter of changing your attitude about that assignment. Try to find some aspects of it that may interest you. If you stay positive, your time spent will be much more productive and effective.
  (True story. I experience this all the time)
• Start on your assignment ASAP: Don’t ever procrastinate. It can do you no good.
  (I actually start on my assignments the day I get them. While my classmates are struggling to finish their essays, I have mine done 2 days ahead of time. Love the breathing space!)
• Eat well: Duh. Like I needed to even tell you this!
  (But not if you have a mandated partial meal plan. Like I do. Scroll down, and let me explain)

Unfortunately, I still have 43 meals left to choke down in my school dining hall. Damn it. It’s already past half the semester, and I’ve only dined there for a total of 7 meals. And I’m already so, so, so sick of all the food there.

I have, however, found the dining cafeteria a good place to study:
They have internet access and power cords for my laptop, so I just hitch my Macbook up and take advantage of the unlimited drinks and snacks.

Like say, granola in a bit of milk, with chunks of chocolate:
Warmed up in the microwave, the chocolate melts into the mixture, and the granola gets sort of chewy…
Not bad, but it was too sweet. The first bowl was good. But after my second bowl, I thought I was going to puke.

So another time, I decided to do brunch, since how can anyone mess up brunch food, right?

Wrong.

Check this out:
 Salad, fruit, turkey sausage, frittata, and omelet. With diet coke.

Salad is fine. Fruit is okay. Turkey sausage is blah. Frittata is blah. Omelet is waaaaay under-seasoned.
How the hell does one mess up an omelet? Is this some crazy low-sodium rule that the school has? And where is the cheese I ordered? No cheese makes Sophia a very, very unhappy grouch.

Disappointed, I just filled up on frittata:
…And more frittata:
And more frittata, with another sausage patty:
 And yet more frittata, with yet another patty:
I used the same plate for the omelet, so it’s still there, cold and rejected.

It’s something about the fact that this lackluster meal cost me $11 that makes me stuff myself to the brim with lackluster food. Does this make sense? That in order to get my money’s worth, I feel the need to fill myself up to the gills!

Poor Mimi. During our weekly Thursday meet-ups, I sometimes have to drag her to dine at the cafeteria. And they’ve been consistently bad. But we managed to find a few items that were actually edible.

Vegetarian Shepherd’s pie that was all potatoes and no filling:
Some kind of Indian-spiced vegetable medley that was actually pretty good minus all the grease:
 Mango-Chutney Chicken salad with tzatziki sauce:
Some kind of beef curry that was tough, stringy, and spat out:
Boring egg salad and tuna salad: 
These totally needed hot sauce. And lots of it.

On the brighter hand, I found out that Fridays was Asian-themed. Despite my ambivalence, the food wasn’t too bad:
 Asian sweet-and-sour rice noodle salad, cheese pizza, tzatziki sauce.

And second plate:
 Pepperoni & Sausage pizza, lemongrass mashed potatoes, green curry with shrimp and white rice

There was not a hint of lemongrass in that mashed potatoes, so I suspect they just threw that in there to sound fancy and go along with the Asian-theme. The green curry was pretty good, though.

So far, a lot of misses and a few acceptables. And I have 43 more rounds to go. God. Damn. It. I tried to swipe my friend in for a free meal, but they wouldn’t let me because I only have a partial meal plan.

Huh?! I’ve never heard such complete bullshit in my life!

To think my brother goes to Virginia-Tech, the school with one of the best on-campus dining, complete with lobsters and wood-grilled pizzas. Next time he complains about the food, I shall smack him and make him eat ours.

Wow. How did this post turn out to be so negative? Sorry, I promised not to bitch, but as I said, bad food makes me grouchy!

I’ll be back to my more chipper self by the next post. I promise!

Question of the Day: Remember my 7 pm rule? What about you? Are you a late-worker? A procrastinator?
And any tips for me to enjoy school dining food more?

The Past I Bear

I surrender. I give up. I resign. I cannot hide from my past. My past defines me; it has shaped me; and it has built the road ahead of me. And now, I have realized that I need to embrace it, or I’ll never have peace with myself.

When I first arrived in USC, I wanted to escape from my past. All 7 years in Virginia—from the moment I started to toy with the idea of dieting, to the slow decline down the slipping slopes of Anorexia, to the horrid hospitalizations, to the pitiful stares of my neighbors and stranger—I wanted to obliterate them all.

I wanted a brand new start. I wanted to create a new image of me, a Sophia Lee that has not the slightest trace of that sickening ED-stigma on my forehead. I envisioned a fresh, blank canvas, where I would create a clean person, someone who is known for her personality, her talents, her opinions and thoughts—and not Sophia the Anorexic. I was tired of having my name on the prayer list under the “mental disorder” category. I was sick of having strangers tell me they were “praying for the ED-devil to depart” from me. I just simply…didn’t want any single soul to ever, ever find out about my ED past.

But…God had a different plan for me.

Somehow, someway, I find myself meeting people who went through similar experiences as me, amazing, beautiful people who tug at my heartstrings. 

Somehow, someway, my friends find out about my blog and discover my past, but don’t judge me in the least.

Somehow, someway, I just cannot ignore the fact that wherever I go, my ED-radar senses evidences of eating disordered people all over my school campus. 

Somehow, someway, I get numbers of emails from fellow ED-sufferers, emails that cut me to the heart and make my eyes tear up with empathy and compassion.

So, I yield. I’m going to throw away my pride, and I’m not going to be ashamed and hide my past. If anyone asks, I will flat-out admit that yes, I am—had—an eating disorder. That doesn’t make me less of a person. Whether I like it or not, my eating disorder is a huge, significant part of my life, and without it, I would not be the person I am now. In fact, I think without my eating disorder, I would have been one insensitive, arrogant, self-righteous, self-glorifying jerk.

Not that I’m such a great person now. No freaking way! I still have much left to work on. I am still riddled with flaws and weaknesses— but heck, at least now I know and acknowledge it, and that’s a critical step towards self-improvement.

And because of my weaknesses, I am able to understand other people’s own struggles, and sympathize with them. I know all too well that real and gripping fear of eating a simple plate of spaghetti, or stepping out of a rigid routine. I understand all too much that terrible, perpetual obsession with food, the never-ending cycle of starvation, self-hatred, self-absorption, and control.

Eating disorder…is an incomprehensible, exasperating disease. Who can understand us? We cheat, we lie, we manipulate, we care about nobody and nothing except ourselves and our disordered habits and thoughts. Who can love us? Who can care for us, and bear our outrageous tirades, our irrational fears, our anger, our bitterness?

Even our parents have a limit as to how much they can understand. It takes someone who has walked down the same path, someone who has experienced the same hell-hole, to be able to truly understand.

I don’t know exactly what God has in store for me, but I do know that I will forever be surrounded by people like me. And I don’t believe it is a coincidence that I have a burning desire within me to reach out to these people and help. God, I’m here…will you heal me? Will you…use me?

Wow. Heavy words. For those of you who are just here for the food, it’s okay if you scrolled all the way down all that rambles straight to the pictures. What I said up there, is just a jumble of mixed emotions and thoughts that I just had to express in real words. But I promise there is food. And good food, too!

Now, you all know how much I adore sandwiches. Especially if it’s got good bread, as I delightfully showcased here. Well, the world has come to an end, because I am all out of bread. Tres horror!

Well, what to do? Time to get creative. I stared at an eggplant and an eggplant stared back at me. Hmm…

Stuffed and Grilled French Toast, Eggplant-Style
(Help me think of a better name for this!!)

For the “french toast”:

• eggplant, sliced vertically into two thick slabs
• 1 whole egg
• 2 egg whites
• 1/3 cup cottage cheese
• salt and pepper

For the filling:

• sweet potato, sliced vertically into one thick slab
• cottage cheese
• 2 thick slices of ham
• tomato, sliced

Topping:

• 2 tablespoons salsa (from Leianna)
• 2 tablespoons feta

For the “french toast”, first blend the cottage cheese, eggs, and seasonings together in a blender until smooth:
Next, dip the two eggplant slabs into the egg-cottage cheese mixture:
Let soak and set aside. Start roasting the sweet potato in the oven. About 20 minutes in a 450 degree oven. Twiddle your thumb, or you can start assembling the filling ingredients.

Once the sweet potato is roasted, let it cool for a bit. Meanwhile, grill up both eggplants in your George Foreman, until cooked through. Once cooked, start stacking up!

First, your grilled eggplant “french toast”:
Then layer some cottage cheese, sprinkle on garlic salt, pepper, whatever seasoning you wish…
And then the huge slab of sweet potato:
And then on goes the ham and tomatoes:
Finally, stack the second eggplant “french toast” on top, and top with salsa and feta cheese!

This was like whoa!! (Tee hee, Nicole!)
Have you seen anything like this? I think not! ;-p
Look at that cheese oozing out…
Hefty, big, and tasted glorious! I loved how the eggplant sort of tasted like pancakes, the meatiness of it, and all the chewy and soft textures in there!
Of course I still needed more carbs than that, so I used the remainder of the sweet potato for fries:
There is no better accompaniment than baked sweet potato fries! Sweet and savory, chewy little goodness!
I have to admit, this is quite labor-intensive though. And the eggplant “french toast” was definitely extraordinary, but…there is a reason why french toast is made with bread, because when it boils down to taste…there is nothing like bread!

Sigh. I really need to look for bread, but there is no good bread in the USC vicinity. They are all limpy, fluffy, bread-imitators. This is one instance when I actually miss my past…living walking distance to Great Harvest! T___T;;;
 
But at least it was quite an experience! I did have some of the cottage-cheese/egg batter left, so I made it into a fluffy sort of omelete/pancake:
I was a bit distracted and let it burn, but otherwise it was delicious! But nothing compared to this:
Welcome to Sophia’s Kitchen! Mimi and Kathryn, aren’t you guys glad you go to the same school as me?

Question of the day: What is your secret past? Haha, kidding! Nope, in light of today’s…rather heavy topic, today’s question is gonna be light, but not trivial…Do you freaking love carbs (That’s a rhetorical question)?!!

 

Lovey-Dovey

I’m not a lovey-dovey person. I really am not. Cooing at cute little babies is foreign to me, and romantic gestures like flowers and cute “surprises” creep me out. If I ever get a husband, you’ll probably see us bickering and getting into passionate debates instead of passionate embraces.

That said, I have to admit I am very affectionate. I just don’t know how to show it well in person. Which is why when I need to express deep feelings and fondness for someone, I need to do it through writing.

Abby from Abby Has Issues spread some bloggy love to me about a week ago. I, in typical fashion, was an idiot and didn’t realize that I was supposed to spread it in return through a definite post, and not just regular commenting pleasantry. Abby reminded me to spread the love this weekend, so here I am. Thanks for being patient with me, Abby!
Now. Honestly, I was in a predicament about who to spread this to. Not because I can’t think of anyone, but because my head was bombarded by a whole list of names I wanted to spread this love to. Which is why it took me a bit longer to write this post. But I’ve finally whittled it down to three. Here they are:

1. Wacky Becky (tee hee) from The Nomad Gourmand:

This amazing, spunky bread-whore from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia has been one of my oldest readers. Her comments never fail to make me smile, as they are humorous, detailed, and personable. She’s been through some hard times, such as pneumonia, but she has endured them with grace, and still fights on. Despite her little antics and clowning, she has a deeper, more philosophical side to her, which I can see by her constant encouragements for me while I was still deep in the process of recovery. I find that amazing considering that she never and doesn’t have ED, she is so understanding!

Oh, and this little woman may be opening her own bakery soon…so when she does, please send her some love! <3

2. Grace Melody-Moo from Grace Points:

What more can I say about Grace, except that she is the most blessed and most blessing person ever? Grace has also been one of my oldest readers, and she has always given me such great comfort and advices. This is a girl who went through the same horror path as me, but who have fought and won the great battle. And now, she has dedicated her life to God, and is in seminary school.

This girl is my role model. I am always inspired by her wise reflections, her deep spirituality, and most of all, her simple and passionate love for God.

3. Mimi from Damn the Freshman 15:

And finally, Mimi. Can I tell you how much I adore this girl? I think her name has been mentioned in every single post ever since I came to USC. In fact, this post will be specially dedicated to her.

I have not stated this out loud in my blog, but Mimi is going through some bad food relationships of her own. In fact, before I even met her or knew that we would be in the same school together, Mimi had sent me a sincere and desperate email, finally admitting that she has an eating disorder, and seeking help.

If by help she means enjoying good food with her, then I’ve done a pretty darn good job. But honestly, I can’t take credit for anything. All I’ve done is sit next to her and eat up while she tackled her fear foods, one by one.

Let’s see…what did she overcome in the less than two months?

• A whole greasy burger at Umami
• Real pizza at Mr. Pizza, with the crusts
• Fried Thai noodles at the University Village
• A real sandwich (aka two non-diet bread pieces) with creamy brie at Sophia’s Kitchen
• Tons of butter-laden Italian cuisine at Zucca Ristorante
• Tteokbukki at Han Nam Market
• Mac & Cheese (not the non-fat shit) at Sophia’s kitchen

I know. Who is this mean, lean, eating, ED-conquering machine? This girl is SUPER-ED-BASHER! Even now, I am amazed at how willingly and determined she is in facing every of her challenging fear foods…She never once chickened out, she never once ran away screaming as I would have done about a year ago, but met each battle with tenacity and courage. I tell you, never ever underestimate a Southern belle!

A couple of days ago, Mimi faced another battle. This time, we met up with another fellow USC student and blogger, Kathryn.
Kathryn is the blogger of Froyoaholics Anonymous, and one of the most stunning girl I’ve ever met in person. This girl is gorgeous! I think I was a bit star-struck. She is also incredibly nice and sweet, and from the instant we met, we were gibbering non-stop about everything from froyo (her specialty) to horses to movies. Another cool thing about her? She has a car! Woo-hoo!! We took that opportunity to travel further than we could have.

We went to the Farmer’s Market at The Grove.
Remember that place my parents and I took a wrong turn to? Well this time it was completely deliberate as we sought out to try a cuisine that is dear to my heart…
  Singaporean cuisine! I was thrilled to find that L.A. had a small Singaporean eatery called Banana Leaf! Oh, how I’ve missed my hometown food!
We ordered three dishes to share. First, Chicken Mee Goreng:
 Thin yellow noodles fried with onion, chili, vegetables, tomatoes, and egg. Topped with spicy chicken.
This was okay. It wasn’t as authentic as I wanted it to be, but it was satisfying nonetheless. The chicken was tough and stringy, though the seasoning had a great kick, almost like fajita chicken. The noodles were a bit overcooked, but that just added to its crispness, which is actually desirable in Mee Goreng.
Second, Rojak:
Salad dish with jicama, pineapple, salad greens, bean sprouts in sweet and spicy chili sauce.
This was horribly unauthentic. It was more like a salad plate you can find anywhere else! The sauce is supposed to be thick, dark, and sticky, chock-full of peanuts, almost like molasses. But it was more like a regular liquidy dressing. Not to say it wasn’t good, but it was just disappointingly boring.

Third, Laksa:
 Coconut curry soup with noodles and fishballs
  This was just blah. It looks spicy, but it really wasn’t. The taste is supposed to be strong and pungent, a sinus-clearing sensation, but it was severely lacking in taste.
It came with keropok, or shrimp crackers:
At least this was pretty darn authentic! Nice and crunchy, with a definite dried shrimp flavor.

Now, obviously, none of these dishes are what doctors would recommend for weight loss. But Mimi sampled all of them and enjoyed it! What a trooper! That’s really the only way to conquer your fears…just DO it! Unfortunately, I can’t say Kathryn seemed to like Singaporean food too much…So sorry, Kathryn! You pick the location next time!

At least we had a great time! The best moment is when we al whipped out our cameras, of course:
Bloggers in action!
The farmer’s market is a really cool place. I wish I had a car to visit frequently! Because Halloween is near, they had some sort of Halloween-themed event going on:
Check out this amazing carved pumpkin!

And mom and daughter dancing to country music:
Aawww…
And basically, just a whole lot of food stalls!

Well, I’ve spread some blogger love, and L.A. love, and Singaporean love as well, though that particular food place disappointed me…At least, it still gave me a taste of home.

Now, go spread some love yourselves!

Question of the day: Name one fellow blogger you would like to show some appreciation to today?

Edited to add: The church member I mentioned on my previous two posts have just passed away. It was peaceful, without much pain. He left behind a young wife and two kids. Please keep them in your prayers.

Unpredictable

Thank you all for your warm regards towards my church member back in Virginia. His nutrition IV has been pulled as of last night, and for now, all we can do is wait…My father has already visited him many times, and the reassuring thing is how peaceful the man is…

Life is so…unpredictable.

My mom said something yesterday on the phone to me that struck me hard: “I went to visit him today…and Sophia, he looked just like you a year ago, all skin and bones. His cheekbones were protruding, and even the veins on his temples were visible…Oh Sophia, he looked just like you.”

That brought my memory back to about a year ago. I was beside him on the church altar. We were both on our knees, and the whole church was gathered around us, praying aloud for us. At that time, he had already discovered his cancer, but was not at a terminal stage yet. But I was.

We were both really, really ill. He wept and wept as the church prayed out loud, sincere and cut to the heart. In the meantime, my cheeks were dry; my heart was still hardened by despair and disbelief. I didn’t believe I’d ever get well, and I had pretty much given up on life.

How strange…that God chose to restore me, the disbeliever, but He chooses to take away the other who truly, desperately wanted to get well. I don’t understand the work of God. I really…don’t.

Oh, Lord, why? Why choose me? What am I, that you would preserve my worthless life here on earth?

I voiced the same question to my mom. “We don’t know the reason, Sophia,” she answered gently. “But trust in God that there is a purpose. Trust in Him, and give thanks to Him. Life is unpredictable, but God always is. His plans, His love, His wisdom, His righteousness are always faithful.”

Yes, you never know what kind of strange twists there will be in life. We plan and obsess and dream, but we never know where life will lead us. There are a lot of things that are just totally out of our hands, but I try to find peace in them through my trust and faith in God, who is eternal and faithful and unchanging.

Hm. Sorry to be all somber. I swear I’m not gloomy or depressed or anything! Just…reflective.

Speaking of unpredictability, this Los Angeles weather has the mood of a pubescent teenage girl! Last week, it was chilly, foggy, and windy. It drizzled like the tears of a petulant baby for two days straight. And today, the sun is shining bright and fierce in the 80’s, as if it’s making a forced, aggressive grin. 

Last week on Sunday, it was yet another chilly day, and after church service, everyone just wanted something warm and hearty. This being downtown L.A. where there is not a Panera in sight (WTF?), our general consensus was ramen.

A huge group of us trooped down to Daikokuya in Little Tokyo, in search of apparently the best ramen in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, the line in Daikokuya was outrageous, and there was no way the 20-something of us could fit in there. So we headed to the ramen shop nearby:
 Mr. Ramen. Seriously? Mr. Pizza, and now Mr. Ramen? Asians come up with the hokiest name! –___-;;;
Anyway. Cheesy name aside, the place was pretty cozy, decorated just like a welcoming little Japanese home, which was a pleasant sight especially when we were all chilled to the bone.
There were even stacks of manga! (I used to read and draw my own manga, until I decided that manga was sexist and treated women like honeymelon-breasted sex objects)
We totally filled up the whole place, us Christian Students!
These two lovebirds in front are engaged and are gonna have their wedding soon~

Anyway. The menu was very limited to just ramen and curry rice, with a few other choices, which was a good sign that this house really knew their ramen.

I ordered the soy soup ramen:
Wow! The bowl was twice the size of my head! And look at all the seaweed in there! I approve! >.<
The only thing I wasn’t happy about was the egg: hard-boiled? And just a tiny quarter? Come on! >:-6

But I loved the pieces of pork in there:
It wasn’t fatty and greasy like the one I had at Ippudo in NYC, but full of tender meat that just literally melted in my mouth.
And the noodles were nice and chewy and springy, just the way I like it.

Everyone ate with gusto:
However, I noticed once again that I was the only one who ate my ramen the “right and polite” way. Yes, I was the only one who made slurping noises!

Some of my friends ordered a half-size portion of ramen with a plate of curry rice:
That red thing there is pickles! I didn’t try it, but apparently it was good.

I was a bit worried about the price, but Mr. Ramen turned out to be just half the price of Ippudo. Awesome! But I didn’t get to pay. Someone else grabbed the tab before I did. I’m not sure who, but a big thank you to the generous ramen-buyer!

Another thank you to the Heart Thrive peeps who sent me this package:
Look at the selection! They are all made with whole-grains, with 30% Daily Protein, Fiber & Calcium and suitable for vegans:

• Apricot
• Date
• Cranberry
• Lemon Poppyseed
• Apple
• Chocolate

Now, I’ve got to be honest. On my first bite, I really did not like it. The taste was so raw; it was like eating uncooked oats or dough. It turned into dry crumbly paste in my mouth, and I had to choke it down.
The second time, I warmed a Cranberry one up in the microwave for about 20 seconds:
Much better! Now it was actually edible, and tasted quite good! This was the Lemon Poppyseed one.
  The third time, I tried grilling it on my George Foreman:
Ooh~ Is there anything Mr. GF cannot do? I loved how it was nice and crispy outside, but warm and soft inside. Yum!

And yet another time, I microwaved a Date one again, but added a bit of syrup on top for extra moistness:
I ate this with a fork like a cake. A dainty, pretty, heart-shaped cake. I think this was my favorite way to eat it.

Thank you, Mark, for this opportunity to try a new ultra-healthy snack!

Okay, I’ve chatted enough. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Question of the day: What was the most unpredictable thing life threw at you? It can be good or bad, serious or funny.